[sittingatwatersedge]

O K

So I finally, finally, finally made T understand that if she had known me at age 22, she wouldn't have liked me.

Progress. None of that "you were doing the best you could under the circumstances" bull****.

Now to show her that we don't really change that much over time.

and then - I will be done...............

or she will ....................... poor T. Why the **** does she put up with me.

[ECHOES]

Well, twinnie, I like you now.... so I would have liked you at 22 too

[*Defeated*]

SAWE,

Curiously (and playing the devil's advocate), why is it so important to you that your therapist agree she would not have liked you at 22? And based on your comment about people don't really change THAT much, you want her to dislike you now ... why?

[eskielover]

The DBT group that I go to, has a leader who definitely lets us know that we can change lots over time.....it's actually a physical thing that happens in the brain.

As we are growing up, our actions & thoughts create neuropathways in our mind which create the actions we do in response to things that happen in our life........but those neuropathways can be changed.....like learning a new language, or a new craft or anything we learn new. However, it takes practice & practice & repetition & more repetition in order to create the new neuropathway for the new/different behavior/reaction.

I love the leader of our group....she has a very huge Italian accent.......so we are always reminding her that yes, we can create those new neuropathways....but we will always hold onto some of our accent from the past. Meaning we can make the change, but there will always be little things from our past behavior that stick around especially under stress.

I was really fascinated by this fact because my husband constantly told me that his personality was what it was & that I just needed to tolerate it because personalities CAN'T BE CHANGED.....just found out that was nothing but more of his BS. He had his mind made up so definitely, but in reality it was because he WOULDN'T not that he COULDN'T.

Everything IS POSSIBLE....your T knows this which is why you will not be able to convince her that we don't change over time (if we want to).....now she needs to convince you of this fact...lol.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Thank you, Echoes and Eskie

there now, i have fulfilled T's mandate for the next week: to smile and say "thank you" and not deflect.

Defeated to your question: because it scares the **** out of me if she doesn't. It's not that I don't want to change, Eskie; I'm scared. It's strange territory to me. can you not understand that?

[Wren_]

to me it sounds like, if she hates you .... and hated "who you were" that fits what you are used to and familiar with; so makes her feel safer in a way?

[*Defeated*]

I completely understand that but I didn't want to put words in your mouth. I would venture to guess that in a skewed, subconscious way, you want her to dislike you so that if/when the time comes to leave her, it will be much easier for you.

I tend to fall into the roll of flippant, smart *ss so that if I did get terminated, I can fall back on, "well, uh ... you didn't mean anything to me anyway." Sound familiar? In actuality, I desperately want to know what my therapist thinks about me, if she likes me, if she would be my friend if she wasn't my therapist. It sucks parading around in a d*mn mask and I wish I could just accept her help for what it is and leave it at that.

[*Defeated*]

**CORRECTION**

Not "skewed." It's completely justified and an efficient coping/defense mechanism.

I re-read what I wrote and realized I made it sound like your way of thinking was wrong. NOT the case!

Sorry - hope I didn't offend.

[granite1]

SWE

[ECHOES]

Thank you, Echoes and Eskie

there now, i have fulfilled T's mandate for the next week: to smile and say "thank you" and not deflect.

lol. glad to help with that!

Intimacy is a scary thing and hard to get used to because it is unfamiliar.
Remember... everything familiar began as something unfamiliar..

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

...Intimacy is a scary thing and hard to get used to because it is unfamiliar. Remember... everything familiar began as something unfamiliar..

(((((((((((((((((((((( echoes & everyone ))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((sawe)))))))

T and I have talked about the fact that if I am a bad person, then everything makes sense in some kind of twisted way. If T loves me, and if I am a good person, it completely unravels a lifetime of beliefs and coping mechanisms.

And I have a giant fear that I don't really understand of accidentally getting it wrong. For some reason, it feels safer to think "i'm bad" then to think "I'm good" and to end up finding out that I'm wrong.

What if you ARE a good person, sawe? What would that mean??

(you know how *I* feel about you...)

[sittingatwatersedge]

thanks tree i hope you are OK today.

I am a person with basically two speeds: full steam ahead, and stop.
That said, it's far safer to negate myself entirely, than to inflict another full fledged narcissist on the world. I don't seem to know any middle ground.
I shrink from that type when I meet them; I never want to be like that. I'd rather be invisible.

[Sannah]

Sounds like you are on a path that will be very productive in the end. Good work SAWE!