[SingDanceRunLife]

Have any of you ever been in a situation where your T views something as a big deal and pays a lot of attention to it and wants to make it a large focus and do something but it's not something of the same magnitude to you?

That's what my T is currently doing with my body image issues...yes, I know it's problematic, but I really have almost no desire to work on it, especially not in the way she wants to because I'm not nearly as concerned as she is...

It's just annoying

[SoupDragon]

Have you spoken with your T about how you feel?

[SingDanceRunLife]

Yes and no. I've said that I'm really uncomfortable with what she wants to do...but I know that it is an issue and can see why she's worried...and even though I don't want to do stuff, I know I really should, so I'm less apt to say that I don't want to.

[Mediator]

what is problematic about your image body? maybe I am another annoying person. But my suggestion is to ask T why she/he focused about you image body issues. Maybe she/he will explain you and you will not annoyed.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I feel fat and disgusting and hate my body and try to hide it.

Often we are most resistant to working on the issues that are most important to our healing. T's often have insight into what our underlying problems are and work to stear us towards dealing with those underlying problems so we can move forward. Talk to your t about how you feel about this particular issue and see what transpires in that discussion.

[kaliope]

remember, therapy is there for you. it does not sound like you were very assertive with your T and you are ending up doing what she wants you to do. if you are not ready for this it could lead to resentment and complicate your relationship with your T. you dont need to say a lot, a simple, "im not ready to address this yet" repeated again and again shoudl suffice.

[SingDanceRunLife]

No, I wasn't very assertive...I was kind of just thinking well, I'm not fond of this but it is important...but I might tell her that I'm not ready during my next session.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

No, I wasn't very assertive...I was kind of just thinking well, I'm not fond of this but it is important...but I might tell her that I'm not ready during my next session.

So is this the difference between not seeing it as a problem versus being not ready to work on it? My T and I have an imaginary safe where we put the stuff I am not ready to look at.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Kinda both...I see it as a problem because I self-loathe a lot and think about it multiple times a day...but she seems to see it as this huge thing. It could be my perception is off...

[ballet_girl]

ugh i know what you mean. my t does that too sometimes. i usually just tell her i want to talk about something different, but now that means that if i can't think of something to talk about she refuses to suggest anything. she just says that i don't like her ideas of what to talk about lol.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I just don't really know what to do about it. I think I'm going to try saying that I'm not ready to work on it yet, because that's true...I don't know if I could really handle it considering how much I currently hate myself.

[my3sns]

I have had this happen in T as well , but normally its about something that T sees as a huge accomplishment ... and i'll be like hey chill just cuz it happened this time doesnt mean i can / will be consistent

Yes. Drives me NUTS when we get derailed on an "issue" that is sooo not something I wanted to focus on. Not even out of avoidance, but like "I have bigger fish to fry..."

I have to say that if "I" do not see my body image or self esteem as an issue, than a therapist pointing it out as an issue is not too helpful. I do believe that I am often ambivalant (fighting both sides of the argument) about an issue but I don't always see myself as fighting this issue. It definitely helps me for my therapist to highlight this issue, make me aware of my ambivalance. It does not help me for my therapist to take one side of the issue because that forces me into taking the OTHER side. A strong, confident and well trained therapist will talk about the issue as two sided and help a client to articulate how those two sides affect her; what she truly thinks about the issue from both sides. Just my take on the issue.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I think I've thought about my body more since my T and I talked about it...definitely not a good thing! I'm going to have to talk to her during my next session about this...I mean, in just the past hour or so the number of times I've thought about my body is at least a handful (5)...

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Often we are most resistant to working on the issues that are most important to our healing. T's often have insight into what our underlying problems are and work to stear us towards dealing with those underlying problems so we can move forward. Talk to your t about how you feel about this particular issue and see what transpires in that discussion.

I agree with this...my T was really pressing me on something last summer that I was not even kind of CLOSE to being ready to talk about, but that is probably the most important thing in my history in some ways.

At the time, I completely lost it. I mean, I FREAKED. I was so so so so angry, and we had a phone call about it where i was sobbing so hard while I was driving he asked me to please pull over to the side of the road. Just last night, I looked for (and found) an e-mail from that time in my saved e-mails to see if it was as big and intense as I remember it, and it was.

After I freaked out, T completely dropped it. Didn't say one more word about it, and we moved on to other things. And a couple of months ago, *I* finally brought it up. Now we're working on it, and it is slow, and painful, and feels like it has the potential to be never-ending, but here we are.

I couldn't do it a year ago; now, some part of me must think I can.

I guess my point is, maybe T is right that it's an issue that you'll need to work on at some point...and maybe YOU are right that you're not ready yet. I really believe that we have an internal wisdom that guides us where we need to go in our therapy, in our own time. If you don't feel ready, trust that, and tell T. It doesn't mean that you won't feel ready forever. It means that's how you feel right now. It might be different next week or next month or next year, and that's okay.

((((((hugs)))))) to you! And please be gentle with yourself.

[googley]

What drives me nuts is when this happens and T wants to keep talking about it when I have already said that I want to move on to another topic. This happened last week and she wanted to explore why I wanted to change the topic. Urgh! After saying I wanted to change topics, I didn't want to spend time talking about why I wanted to change the topic. It has only happened a couple of times, but it is very annoying every time.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by googley

What drives me nuts is when this happens and T wants to keep talking about it when I have already said that I want to move on to another topic. This happened last week and she wanted to explore why I wanted to change the topic. Urgh! After saying I wanted to change topics, I didn't want to spend time talking about why I wanted to change the topic. It has only happened a couple of times, but it is very annoying every time.

A T should understand that 'understanding' is a slow process and just by pushing to TALK about it is not necessarily going to bring any resolution. There is a right time for everything.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Yes. Drives me NUTS when we get derailed on an "issue" that is sooo not something I wanted to focus on. Not even out of avoidance, but like "I have bigger fish to fry..."

that's exactly how I felt when t kept bringing up whether I'm confident about my appearance. I'm glad I finally told him more strongly that I don't see it as a big problem even if I'm not totally confident, because focusing on my appearance all the time is caving in to sexism more than I want to. Except sometimes I want to work on being more in shape/healthy. TG he finally had some other topics besides my appearance to talk about after I told him this.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by SingDanceRunLife

I just don't really know what to do about it. I think I'm going to try saying that I'm not ready to work on it yet, because that's true...I don't know if I could really handle it considering how much I currently hate myself.

Wonder if you could share what you have written here with T?

[SingDanceRunLife]

I'll have to talk to my T in some way during my next appointment for sure.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's in a situation like this!

[SoupDragon]

Let us know how it goes - good luck

[SingDanceRunLife]

Will do! Thanks!

[dismissed feelings]

I can relate. There are reasons I gained weight and "nibble" that need to be worked out first. For me, when they focus on this w/o us focusing on it it feels that nothing else you say matters to them because they think that is your only issue because, well, it must be , given their own issues with weight. This may not be true with all of them but you would think they would realize this! I do not need to pay someone to remind me of what I already know! I have a mother for that.

Anyway, I agree w/the others. Let them know you feel this way. When you say you hate yourself, that sounds like it may be more than just a weight issue? Just so you know, you sound like a really nice person to me!