[yang0868]

I've been around for a few weeks on this board just lurking and trying to pick up some inspiration from all of you. I just had to share this with all of you because I’m confused. I told my T on Friday about this discussion I had with a patient at work. The patient told me she lost her husband to a stroke and her son to a terrible car accident. I apologized for her loss. She then asked me if I've lost someone. I told her "I lost my dad. He was shot. He died in my mom's arms." The patient covered her mouth and gasped. She then said "OMG! You're grieving too." I told T when the patient said that to me, all I could do was nod my head while tears were rolling down my face. I looked at T and thought I saw tears in her eyes. It was so unexpected to see my T cry. She has not shown any emotion towards the things I've shared with her thus far. Why now? She's always so "neutral" and doesn't share her feelings on the things I tell her. It's always very professional and to the point. Anyways, I continued to tell T that the patient then said "I know how it is to lose someone you love. It's so hard." I said "It really is." When I said that last part, T's eyes welled up with more tears. I didn't want to say anything else about this conversation I had with the patient so I quickly changed the topic. I felt like I was making T cry but her reaction to my story has really got me thinking now.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Well, my T has cried with me and for me many times and I am forever grateful for that.
Ts are human, too and I think it was wonderful that your T could attune to you that way. I am glad you shared your story with your T.

[yang0868]

Thank you Butterfliesarefree. Such kind words. I'm really grateful that T showed me a side of her that I've never seen before. She's just been so neutral and to see her cry, it took me by surprise. I'm really touched by this. I was starting to think that T wasn't listening and I'm so wasting her time by telling her pointless things. Actually, I still do feel like I'm wasting T's time but I guess it's something I'll need to work on.

[kaliope]

it sounds as if T was being very empathetic to your situation. it may be that she has lost someone too and that is why it brought tears when there has been no tears in the past. or maybe it has been a particullary hard week for her and she wasnt able to hold back as she normally does. there could be any number of reasons T cried. you should talk to her about it if you are unable to get it off your mind.

[yang0868]

Thank you so much Butterfliesarefree and Kaliope for your replies and insights. I'm grateful but yet taken back by the fact that I saw a side of T I thought I would never see. She’s always so well composed. I don’t think my T even realized that I saw tears in her eyes. I didn’t say anything about it either. I know I should talk to T about it but everytime I've tried to ask T something personal or just how she's feeling at the moment, she dismisses it. She's done it numerous times so now I just don't ask questions that pertain to her other than “how are you?” for it's frustrating to not get answers. I hope this will bring us closer together though. I'm scared to talk to her about our relationship. I would really like to know what she was thinking at that particular moment that led her to have tears in her eyes. I’m afraid to ask because I don’t know if she’ll even answer that question. I don't get this therapy process. I feel like I'm wasting T's time telling her pointless things.

[laceylu]

Patients are very good teachers, they pull us back to reality and make us deal with things. Your T may have been triggered or glad that you shared the interaction with your patient. Just ask T she will answer if she can.

[rainbow8]

When I sang at my last session, I saw tears in my T's eyes. I am uncomfortable with seeing other people's tears, so I didn't look. But I am curious as to whether the tears were about me, or just how the music affected her, or both. I asked her in an email and she said we can talk about it in the session. I'm not sure I'll be able to bring it up.

Yes, Ts are human and it shows they have compassion if we move them to tears.

[childofyen]

Rainbow, please bring this up with your T and let me know how it goes! That way I don't have to ask my T why she teared up the other week.

The one time my T, who is a big ole burley guy, teared up was when my sister was dying and I was expressing my grief for her in advance of her death. He told me later the story of his cousin who had died very suddenly and how he still grieves for that loss. He had been personally touched by my grief.