[skysblue]

I get it. I know we are the ones responsible for what goes on in session. I understand that what subjects we discuss are the ones T's believe are the most important because we have initiated those topics.

But, sometimes I wonder if they can't just make inquiries irrespective of the emotional content of the session, especially at the beginning of session.

For example, if I tell T that I'm going to the doctor to have my heart checked, it feels weird to me that she doesn't ask me next session how it went. Again, I understand that I'm supposed to bring up topics that are the most important to me but it would be nice if she remembered some things about my life and made some polite inquiry.

Or simple questions like, "How was your vacation?"; "How was the wedding?"; "How'd it go at the dentist?" Maybe she thinks that would just be satisfying her curiosity (not that she's curious) or that it would take me off-track from the issues I prefer to discuss, but still - sometimes it would be nice to hear some follow up from T.

What is your experience with your T about this question I have?

Hmmm...

Sometimes if I have a big, scary dr appt (or whatever) coming up, T asks me to call him to tell him how it goes. So, I'll leave a message for him, and that's usually it.

I would say most of the time if there is something big going on (like a vacation, or son starting high school) T will ask about it. IF he doesn't already know (because I tend to keep him updated between sessions with e-mails/voice mails).

When we're in the middle of hard stuff (like now), we usually get right to work.

I think it just depends on the mood of the session and the things I have going on in my life.

So, I guess my answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. Not very helpful, huh?

[delicatefade26]

hmm I had never thought about this before now...but my T does ask stuff like this-and it's funny when I forget that I have told him something and he brings it up...I'm like oh yeah I did tell you that...and you know it does feel really nice to have him remember and ask : ) but it's always done in a manner that is not disruptive of the session-most of the time it's at the beginning or even while I am getting ready to leave we will sometimes catch up on small things like that-I guess it just depends on the T's style

[Perna]

I would discuss with your T how you would like to be asked such questions? How can she know you aren't just throwing out random facts of your life, "I hate this rain we've had all week," or, "I'm taking my dog to the vet this afternoon after I see you."?

I think it is more interesting that you want to be asked such questions, want the interaction of T "personally caring" to ask, than the subject of the questions themselves. If the subjects themselves (going to the doctor to get your heart checked) are important to you then tell her more. She may be more curious or even worried, but it's not her job to steer the conversation and her expressing how she feels (curiosity is an expression interest in a particular subject or a need to know more (if she's worried)) would be doing that. She can only follow our lead, not instigate it. When good T's "steer" it is from something we have said/expressed, not from their own curiosity or needs.

I think if you tell her you'd like to be asked about your opening/open-ended statements of facts about your life, you and she would probably get into a discussion of why you felt that way and what the strength of your feeling said about you. Remember too, your T can't know what you are thinking/feeling unless you tell her.

I was in the ER all day once, 14 hours, on a day I was supposed to go to T and was desperately trying to get "done" before the appointment at 3:00 in the afternoon (arrived at the ER around 9:00 a.m.) so I could go see her but I finally realized I wasn't going to get out of there in time and, sadly, called to cancel my appointment. The next week, she brought up how I would have to pay for sessions in the future that I didn't cancel with 24 hours notice! Not the conversation I was expecting

But another person, even a T, can't know what we have experienced or are experiencing unless we tell them. I got my heart checked last month, echocardiogram, etc. but, because everything is normal, it wouldn't occur to me to even really remember that I'd mentioned it the week before? Everyone's circumstances are different and "why" you were getting your heart checked and what your experience was afterwards, etc. is about you and doesn't carry over to anyone else?

[JustWannaDisappear]

We start our sessions out this way. Usually go day by day since our last visit, typically a week. If it's been longer than that then we'll go by anything significant that has happened.

[splitimage]

My T frequently asks about stuff going on in my life, sometimes at the beginning and sometimes at the end of the session. But I think she does it, partly because she does care and really is interested, and partly to see how I'm coping generally with my life.

splitimage

[confuseduk]

Mine asks me what I've done over the week and also asks me what I'm thinking a lot!

[unaluna]

What is the word, T's should be sitting there in - not suspended animation, but something like that, where they are a blank slate in terms of no preconceived notions of where you are going, open to all subtlety and nuance of what you are saying, and how it is making THEM feel, so they are better able to sort through all the projections and identifications and repressions and transferences and countertransferences flying through the air. It's not a social visit. If either of us brings up that the Yankees are in first place, what's the subtext? Actually, I haven't wanted to talk baseball with him all summer... uh-oh... but what IS your heart question about?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by hankster

What is the word, T's should be sitting there in - not suspended animation, but something like that, where they are a blank slate in terms of no preconceived notions of where you are going, open to all subtlety and nuance of what you are saying, and how it is making THEM feel, so they are better able to sort through all the projections and identifications and repressions and transferences and countertransferences flying through the air. It's not a social visit. If either of us brings up that the Yankees are in first place, what's the subtext? Actually, I haven't wanted to talk baseball with him all summer... uh-oh... but what IS your heart question about?

Well, I do tell T stuff that isn't directly related to therapy issues. I want her to know me more than the junk I bring into session. So, yes, I told her about watching the World Series (my first - I had to ask people what 'bunt' means, etc.) and that I study Hindi, Dutch and Sign Language and that I love to kayak and that I go to the beach regularly and I show her the most cute photos ever of my grandsons and that I finally learned to swim and so on. None of those are actions that are dysfunctional or ripe with emotional subtexts except that they make me happy. I guess I'd like her to remember some of it and ask how my studies are going or something like that. You know - that I'm a whole person outside of my quirky issues. I understand it's not a social visit and I definitely do not want to spend an enormous amount of time on my RL but still...

My T asks me lots of questions about my life. She is the queen of question-asking.

Sometimes my t will remember this kind of stuff and ask about it; sometimes he doesn't, but then again, I probably don't think about talking about trivial matters more than once anyway. He does ask generally about each member of the family, my job, etc. and I share if I want to, what I want to.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

My T asks me lots of questions about my life. She is the queen of question-asking.

Oh god, mine too! Irritates the crap out of me

[laceylu]

T asks if I tell her about something. I like to talk about everything but therapy, so I get 10 minutes then she turns into a T. She has surprised me because I forget about the small stuff, and she asks me how my school presentation went. It makes me feel that I am not just an emotional mess for 10 minutes.