Hugs in therapy and outside

My T is very touch supportive when I am upset and I love it-and as far as hugs we do one at the end of almost every session and since he is taller than me my head goes on his chest and it is pretty amazing-so nice and comforting (dang now I want a T hug..and I have to wait til Thursday!!)

I don't remember what a hug feels like

I don't think I could ever hug my T even if she offered. She's a bit shorter than I and I have what a seamstress once termed "outrageous cleavage" so it would be SUPER awkward to mix the two. I would probably have to get a second T just to process the trauma of it all. LOL.

I LOVE physical comfort from my T. Every session I usually rest my head on her shoulder, her chest, her lap, or her belly with my arm simultaneously around her waist or while holding her hand. She in turns put her arm around me or lays her arm on my arm. We tend to have physical contact the entire session, i.e. at least holding hands. I am the only client she has physical contact with. She once said she isn't comfortable hugging her clients when I asked but I pointed out to her that I basically lie on top of her every session.

She's not "thin" but not overweight either I'd say. Her shoulders are annoyingly hard but her chest and tummy are comfortable. I am very overweight, and I am probably like 10 times her height and weight. Actually now that I think of it, we must look rather ridiculous together! My body kind of lays at a weird angle sometimes to reach her, since I am significantly taller, and sometimes I feel cramping in my neck or side. We've both had our share of sleeping arms and sweaty palms.

She said she likes the physical contact but she was uncomfortable at first. I might have taken permission to rest my head on her shoulder to mean that I could also put my head on her chest and arm around her waist and eventually I expanded even more...I guess she has gotten used to it. Maybe she enjoys all my warm "comfort."

LOL. I feel ya! As I mentioned in my thread, I am much taller than my T and I have a chest that could feed the world's hungry. It's a touchy issue as they attract attention from near and far from, and I've discussed them with her.

BUT I have hugged my T only once while standing up! It is sooooo much easier hugging with us both seated. Avoids all potential trauma.

Until then,

I am not a hugger by nature of how I grew up however I love hugs and yet I feel awkward about giving and recieving them even though they can feel great.

I started a thread months ago on the topic of hugs and getting a hug from therapist. I asked for a hug from my T and the rest plays out here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=165340

My last session before summer ( more than twenty days ago now) was really special. It was two hours long and one of the most intense and beautiful I ever had...

So, when there were a few minutes left to the end of the session, I kinda thanked my T for everything she did for me this year, as I don't know how I could have make it this winter without going to her... then she said to me some really kind words, and at the end.. "Liam, can I hug you?". I stayed with an empty look in my face (and a totally surprised inner tought) for a second, and I responded "Of course"... and we hugged.

Of course it was the first time in more than two years that we shared a hug. I think my heart missed more than a beat, it was unique and I did really abandoned myself to the feeling. I have never asked for one and the fact instead she did screamed acceptance and trust, for me. And I'm waay taller than her (even cause I'm a male), but the hug didn't feel "awkward" at all.

Then we talked a little bit more and out of nothing she gave me another one just before I took my way to the door. I leaved her office so heart eased after that session...

Once I sat down without our usual starting hug, and T says, "I have NEEDS, ya know!" Right, like this good-looking outgoing guy NEEDS a hug from fat ol' reclusive me? But it made me feel like my wanting hugs was not so one-sided.

T gives me a very safe hug at the end of session. I really look forward to it. His body is not near mine but his arms are around me for a short bit. It helps me to feel that no matter what I tell him, he doesn't think I am "yucky" or "too dangerous to hug" ... His safe hugs help me heal and trust him.

If I didn't go to hug T at the end of a session... well... WOW.... She might just call and send me right to the ER, Panic thinking something went wildly wrong and I hated her (which would upset her... she doesn't mind pissing me off, or my hating her as long as it is intentional)... Oh she would be a wreck trying to figure out why. I wonder if she would ask or not say anything and 'respect' it as some kind of boundary. Hmmm... think we should have that conversation next session!
although I must admit I am a little tempted to not hug her when we usually hug and see what happens... but then get a hug in after we leave her office because I just couldn't do without a hug. LOL she'd shoot me!

I can never remember being hugged or held by my mother or my father. I grew up in a home where we never got too close. I was touch deprived I know. I met my husband when I was 15 and we have now been married almost 31 years. I know that I still to this day cannot get enough hugs from him. I love to be close to him. My therapist of 20 years has been the "mother" figure I have always needed. She hugs me whenever I ask her to mostly at the end of a session. Sometimes it's just a quick hug other times its longer and she hold me very close to her. Sometimes she talks to me to calm me down after an intense session while she is hugging me. It's never awkward. I feel very close and safe with her.

Its so nice to hear that therapists do actually allow that form of physical contact.

I need it so much yet I think my T would freak out if I even just asked to hold her hand for 5 seconds

Dizgirl, I sure wish your T would hug you or hold your hand or anything else that you needed.

Physical comfort from my T has been THE most healing thing about therapy.

Ask dizgirl! My contact didn't come until after MANY sessions at which point we were very attached to each and trusted the other a lot. You may be at that point!

Well, my pdoc hugged me early on but I felt her hugs were more so clinical than loving like my T's, if that makes sense.

I have known her for years and she has basically said doesnt think it would help me but just create dependancy etc. I actually think it would be better for me to give up the idea or hope that she will and be greatful for what i do get from her therapy wise.

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. They're interesting and helpful. I'm surprised that so many Ts do allow touching and hugs; my former Ts, all 4 of them, didn't allow any, at least not for me. My current T is the first one who does.

I think a lot of it has to do with what theory the T is trained in/works from.
If T is a huggy person or not.
And what our diagnosis is.
being the same or different gender/ being the gender the other is attracted too may also be a part of it.

I think all of my T's would hug. My first T is NOT touchy feely at all. We have been friends now for 13 years now and I have stayed at her home for weeks at a time... I only recall her having physical contact with her husband once and that is not just because I am there. She did try to use supportive touch with me but it was SO awkward for her it freaks me out. One T and I had to have a long conversation about hugs because I was Bi. typically she would hug same sex clients but not opposite sex clients just to avoid any accusations. After our conversation she went back and had to redefine how she set her boundaries.

Rainbow, you asked "For those of you who hug your T, does it always feel good?" so I think most of the people responding are those who do hug their Ts. (You're getting a skewed sample!) I think there are a lot of Ts who do not hug.

LMFAO. It never occurred to me until now to be grateful that neither my T nor myself are extremely well-endowed. Though, even if we were, I'd probably still hug her the same way. She's one of my "safe" people so a little squished cleavage wouldn't make any difference. She's T and hugging her feels comforting regardless of any bonyness, chestiness, etc. Until this thread, it never occurred to me to pay any attention to what part of T's body I was cuddling into. But now I feel like that's what I'm going to be thinking about the next time I hug her!

I don't know how to word this without sounding totally ignorant, but why is touching a T's body when hugging, appropriate? I don't mean it's sexual, but why is touching people NOT too intimate? Why would I want to be so close to my T but hugging suddenly feels icky? Not sexual, just icky?

Is something about the touch scaring you ..... or bringing back old memories? or triggering some other thoughts, that could be part of it?

Yes to all of those questions, tigergirl.

sounds like that is why it's becoming icky; especially if it wasn't before ...... can you talk about what's coming up at all .... either here or with your T?

I think it is sad, that in a profession who should be the most caring, I would think that a hug (if client wants and needs one) is such a huge deal.

Touch is more healing than words could ever be. Our first "language" as infants...is touch!