Seeing the client after me

When I first started with my therapist, I never saw anyone else in her waiting room. I quickly realized that she staggered her clients, leaving a 1/2 hr. between clients. One time, when she gave me a slot for an emergency session, she told me that someone I knew would be coming into the office area at the end of my session.

She told me that if I was uncomfortable with that, she would ask the person to "go get a drink of water or wash her hands." She didn't tell me who the person was because that would be a breach in confidentiality. I just laughed and told her the person was probably someone I had referred to her! She grinned.

Sure enough, it was one of the people I referred to her. I'm not bothered by seeing other people. . . .although I am uncomfortable overhearing anything she says to anyone else. But that's because I am intensely uncomfortable hearing other people's intimate comments or exchanges. Not that I hear anything very often because like many people's therapists, my T. is very cautious once her door opens.

I guess my T missed learning about this in social work school so at least she has me to teach her what she didn't learn!

That was nice of your T to be so thoughtful about the client after you that time.

I have seen my T's other clients a few times, but not very often as she usually manages her time well. I am usually ok with it, I mean I do feel a bit jealous at times and wish I was special..the only one etc but I try to rationalise my feelings and not think about it too much.

However one time I had left my session and I realised I forgot to pay so I went back to put it in through the front door mail box, as I did I seen the car of the client who must have been in with my T and it brought up so much unexpected feelings of "I am just one of many, she is probably reacting to them the same way she reacts to me, there is nothing special about our relationship, i'm just a client, she probably doesn't even really care" and it felt upsetting.

The following session I told T how I felt and she said something that I thought was interesting - she compared me not wanting her to have other clients to - do you not let your friends have other friends? When she said this I realised that there is something different about each client and each relationship, just like we have with the friends in our lives. We know that our relationship to a friend is unique as we are and just because they may have other friends, doesn't really take away from our friendship. My T wasn't saying that I was her friend or anything like that but just comparing them to make a point really. She said she often thinks about how it is strange for clients to see other clients because she herself was in therapy when she was training and found it strange. It was nice to feel validated.

I can't say that I am always level headed about it and sometimes it bothers me but not as much as it used to really thank goodness as I rarely see the person before or after me.

Great question!

Jaybird, I thought that was very appropriate and sensitive what your T did with the other client that you knew.

For me, though, I don't know T's other clients. I am not bothered by seeing the clients before and after me--I even kind of like it. I like that my T has a lot other clients as it means he must be good! I also feel some kinship with them, as we all share this very special T. I feel well-disposed toward them, if that makes sense. I have never felt that my T's ability to give me everything he does is impacted by his other clients. He has enough for all of us. I trust him to not add too many clients to his load so that he becomes overwhelmed. The thing I don't like about his client load is that sometimes I think it is too big, as it prevents me from scheduling the next appointment as soon as I would like. I've seen it suggested that if you are OK with the other clients it means you don't feel strongly about your T or are not attached, but this is not the case with me. I have a strong bond with my T and we are super close.

That said, once my T was talking to me about a little house he was thinking of buying, especially for therapy--like an office-house. He wouldn't live there. He told me one nice feature is that the room for therapy has two doors so that clients would enter by one door and leave by another. That meant clients wouldn't get to see each other. I didn't think this was good, as I like seeing T's other clients! But clearly he has some clients who don't like this or he wouldn't think this was a good feature. I am glad he didn't end up buying that house.

A few times my T has double booked a number of times by accident and both of us ended up waiting in his waiting room for the same appointment. I've always talked with these other clients and found them to be good people. Not awful, or cringeworthy, or jealousy-provoking. The exception was the last time this happened, I had had 3 weeks between appts and was really feeling like I needed to see him for something difficult happening in my life. And there was this other couple I had to wait with for the same appointment. I just had this bad feeling he would choose them instead of me to see. I told them a couple of times that they would probably get the appointment and then I would have to wait another couple of weeks--arrggh. And how it was so hard for me to get an appointment because of my schedule and I had purposefully scheduled at this time because it was the only day of the week I could see him. I rattled on in a completely inappropriate way. It's embarrassing now to recall. Usually I am very polite and circumspect. I think I was just so near the edge with the stress in my life, that my social skills went out the window. T must have somehow figured out I needed him that day, as he chose me to see.

It's a very interesting topic and I think can give one a lot of mileage if discussed in therapy.

You stated this very well. I completely feel the same way.

Ugh, this would so bother me too, Rain, and you've every right to be upset. My T's office complex has a front door on the main level and a back door on the lower level, which her office is located on. I use that door specifically for this reason. Do you know if such a door exists that you could use to avoid the situation altogether? It's so hard because, during a session, we are T's main focus. This feels good and so we associate this feeling with T whenever and wherever we see her, even outside of our appointment time such as coming into or going out of session. This feels special and unique to the both of us. It's hard to believe that T shares the same thing with others, isn't it? That's where the hurt and discomfort comes from - it comes with a jolt. Something I'd rather avoid at all costs. Just as long as T is happy in her job and does it well and that we're able to relate well to one another, that's all I care about

No, Indie's. There's only 1 door into and out of my T's office. But it's not so bad. It's the first time she talked to anyone in the waiting room and there is usually no one there. Besides, she listens to me. She honestly never thought about the effect on me and she thanked me for bringing it to her attention. I know she won't forget! I'm glad you're not put in that situation in your T's office.

lol I'd jump out the window then

I'm glad it's not so bad...working through these things is hard but it sounds like you're doing it well

I had a rather different experience.

I would see the previous patient in her car, trying to compose herself before she drove off. I would always feel a surge of compassion, of fellow-feeling. I would think: "I hope she's all right"

Then one week she wasn't there. What happened? Has she stopped coming? I felt sad. But later on she was back.

We never exchanged a word. I waved to her once and she smiled. That was all.

Now I've moved to a different time slot and I don't see her any more. I miss her.

Why should I weep over that? But I do. I'll never know that she is happy.

They try not to, and when they do, they try not to show it. But it does happen.

They can't watch someone cry for years on end without forming some kind of bond. (Unless they're psychopaths, and then they shouldn't be a therapists.)

However much therapy they've had, they can always be triggered. There will always be a patient who reminds them of someone they've loved and lost.

And I bet they hurt just as much as we do.

luckily for me, my T sees me right after her lunch break so I dont see the previous client and sometimes our appoints have stretched even an hour over session times and shes never been looking at her watch or anything, so I think she spaces out her appointments quite far so I never see anyone after either, but I would find it seriously weird too, its hard to picture her talking with someone else and laughing at someone elses jokes.