Seeing the client after me

This only bothered me a little, and I know it's been discussed before. My session was great, as I posted. The only negative aspect came afterward, when I was walking out and saw a guy in the waiting room. I think we went a few mintues over; usually I don't see the next client.

My T said to him "I like your haircut" in this really friendly way, the way she talks to ME. Yeah, intellectually I know she has these other clients and she's probably as close to many of them as she is to me, but how DARE she be? I don't want her have any other clients, just me. I've told her that of course! So I wonder if she hugs HIM. I have this jealous part that's triggered now. I KNOW my T can care about all of her clients, but it brings me to that question again: what IS the therapy relationship all about anyway? Over and over again we wonder that. At least I do. We're not friends, but we're more than friends. It's not all one-sided. She genuinely cares about all of us. Sometimes it's just hard to grasp, even with a great session under my belt.

i think it would have been a bit strange for me also rain especially sence my T won't even talk to me at all outside her office if anyone else is around.

This would unsettle me too, Rainbow, especially because it wasn't just 'hello' but such a warm and personal comment.

I always see the people before and after me (though I look away so I don't actually 'see') but thinking about it, I realise that T never talks once she's opened the door to let someone out. I often hear the client saying 'see you next week' or something, but don't hear T reply- I guess she's already said her goodbyes before she opened the door. I once blurted out 'I love you' when she'd already opened the door, and she mouthed 'I feel a lot of love for you too' from behind the door.

Generally I do try to be mindful of not upsetting other clients, because I know how upset I get myself. A few weeks ago T had made me a hot drink and I hadn't had time to drink it. I asked her whether I could finish it in the waiting room or whether that would upset someone (because T doesn't offer people drinks, and I would feel very hurt if I saw someone with a special drink from her). But she said it wouldn't bother them.

Ugh, these complicated feelings for T's clients and family can be so tough, I know
It sounds like you are doing so well in your therapy though

OMG I totally am the same way! I have had to change my weekly appointments around a couple times, so I've had the chance to see a couple of her different clients. And I am always checking them out (and this is SO wrong, but b/c she deals with EDs, I am always checking to see if they are skinnier/prettier than I am, which I know is awful) and like trying to estimate how old they are, to see if I am the youngest one that goes to her, b/c I think of her as being very maternal. And then when she is saying bye to them, I always try and sneakily listen to what she is saying to them/tone of voice. I know it is so bad and this stuff sounds like I am awful, but this is what I do. I remember the first time I was in the waiting room and she was in her office with another client, I heard her laughing with that client and felt like I was being cheated on! And then I know that she works 2.5 days out of the week (the rest of the time I think is at the university she is affiliated with), and so I'll try and estimate how many clients she has besides me. God, it's so sick I know, but I can't help it! And I know she cares about me, but I am always thinking about how I stack up compared to her other clients. And the fact that I am super competitive doesn't help either. SO yeah, I can definetely relate. The girl that is before me probably thinks I am either super creepy or super *****y b/c she saw me checking her out the first couple times before I went into T's office. Now I don't do that b/c I don't want to come off as either creepy or *****y so when she comes out I just concentrate on putting the book I am reading into my bag.

I've seen other clients before and I do feel a bit jealouse. Most occasions I don't see anyone in the hall and T's office door is open and I just walk in. It's like I'm her only client

Other times when I have seen other clients I check them out to see how I compare. A bit childish I know. :-) One client I recognized but never said anything to and I don't think she saw me.

I prefer to see the client before me than the one after me. My T doesn't address the person after me who's sitting in the hall until I leave the hallway which I think is nice :-)

Though I haven't seen my T's other clients, I just found out recently that there is another Israeli woman that goes to see my T. Both my T and I grew up there. Since my T doesn't do therapy in Hebrew, I assumed I was the only Israeli client she has, as most Israelis would prefer seeing someone who speaks Hebrew. Hearing that she has another Israeli client stung . I felt this irrational feeling that I just lost my uniqueness, though I know I am special in many other ways as well. For the most part, I try to ignore the fact my therapist has many other clients (she works everyday, morning till evening ). I am trying to tell myself I am special despite that.

I'm lucky. My T's office building has an exit door that doesn't go through the waiting room. Also, I don't see clients before me because I arrive just on time and she has 10 minutes between clients. But even if I were there a bit earlier, I wouldn't know if someone departing through the waiting room was her client because there are 4 T's in that building.

I wonder if my T even thought to wait until I left before talking to her next client. I mentioned it briefly in my email to her but I didn't make a big deal out of it. I think I will ask her she could wait until I leave the room if it happens again. I don't think it crossed her mind at all! She is very genuine and natural; that's why I'm so comfortable with her. She is well-trained too, but she doesn't put on any airs so I will tell her how I felt.

You aren't alone, rainbow. Maybe we aren't meant to figure it out. Maybe we're just meant to enjoy it and allow it (and our therapist) to help us heal.

to answer your question, only once have I seen people coming out her office. i didn't like it. not jealous. just un-nerved.

I probably cause a lot of trouble for my T and the next clients, I notice the door to the waiting room has been closed the last several times. Or maybe his schedule is just getting busier as people return to campus. I am trying to tone it down and we just say all our goodbyes in the office, not the hall. I need, I like a lot of goodbyes! And hellos.

One time as I was leaving, the next client jumped up and followed me out, looking at me from the outer door! Then she said like Oh! and popped back in. At my next session, I aked T if that was the woman he had double-booked me with recently, he said no, and told me he had seen what this client had done, but was unable to stop her, and asked me if it had bothered me. I said no, us famous people are used to such things! T laughed and said he appreciated my understanding.

Now that my relationship with T is more secure, ie I am started to feel truly attached, I don't feel jealous like I used to (REALLY did!), and I feel I can try to act more appropriately and show consideration for others' feelings.

Also, what IS the T r/s? How can he FORGET that he TOLD -ME- about buying this particular sports team jersey? I am the one who told HIM about the movie about the team (sorry to be vague, there is a little more to it than that). Is this a man thing? An age thing? Is he just that good at splitting off work from home? This perTICular incident (it keeps happening!) makes me feel like I don't even exist to him, when actually I think he should buy me a freakin engagement ring for telling him about the movie at all. This is why they should be a blank slate!

OTOH (also ringless), we are now working on why I would glom onto someone I hardly know for the smallest reason (like a stupid movie). I said I feel like a cow smacked on the cow catcher on the front of a train. I guess cows are not known for being smart.

I'm okay with my T's other patients. The one before me I feel a small connection to, because we've seen one another so many times.

But I have to tell you about one time I was waiting for my session. Although my T has an office in a place where there are other independent T's, they don't have evening appointments, so the waiting room is usually mine. So one day I was waiting, expecting the person I am familiar with, but out comes 4 -FOUR!!- people, 2 cute older couples and what struck me was that they were all the same size - height and build.
Anyway, in a waiting room that is usually quiet and unpeopled, watching them come streaming out was like watching clowns emerge from a little clown car. It was pretty cute.

I tried to get out of my T who they were, in relation to one another.. after first asking if she was now doing groups... (no). But she wasn't telling. Also they came out laughing and gabbing and she was in a light mood, so I'm so curious about them and what they talked about!

Interesting question, rainbow. I saw the next patient after an intense session with my daughter's T. I was still feeling triggered and very fearful. I was waiting at the counter to schedule the next appointment as the T walked in front of us with the next patient. I could feel the T watching me. I don't know if she was watching for my reaction or what. I didn't look at the patient at all. I didn't want to. It almost felt like I would be violating that patient's privacy if I looked or something.

My T sees a lot of couples, and I LOVE when there is a couple before or after me, because I know that therapy with a couple is so different from individual therapy.

I see a lot of the one scary client who gives me angry looks. Eeeek.

My T never talks to any of his other clients in front of me, and has only made a last comment to me as I walked out of his door a couple of times.

I used to SO desperately want to be his favorite, and it was this ongoing topic of conversation in my therapy. I wanted him to love me the MOST. I don't feel that so strongly anymore...maybe because I am so much more secure in the relationship. Or maybe because I AM his favorite

I do know that he only has one client he's seen longer than he's been seeing me. And I bet that client didn't see him twice a week for three years, so I've had way more sessions. SO I WIN.

a few months ago, i went into t's office, and didn't see anyone, but smelled a mans aftershave. it was yucky.

seeing him would have been worse for me
i always arrive late on purpose just because i don't want to see anyone. i would rather cut my session short in the beginning to avoid anyone. t will always end on time, but i am okay with that,. my hang up, not his!

I totally understand!! I want my T to be all mine T has said though that she has a big heart and has LOTS of love to go around to ALL of her clients. But STILL!! I want her to be all mine anyway

Oh god! Id be mortified!!!!!!!!!
.............

Ha this thread has made me laugh. Its funny all the feelings we have
towards out T. I honestly never even really thought about it. Im there to
try to help myself and my T is there to guide me......just as she is with all
her clients.

I am just a client and she is just a T...and thats that really. I dont think
about it at all..............oh god, i hope this doesnt, make start questioning
our relationships haha!!!!!!!!!

MyUserName: Actually, I think you're pretty fortunate that you don't have so many feelings for your T. I wish I thought that I was just a client and she is just a T. But, even that brings up: what IS a T? To some of us, a T becomes someone we wished we would have had in our life years ago, like a Mom, a Dad, a sister, a brother, a spouse, a friend, or all of those put together. It's really, really difficult to accept that my T is none of those. But "just a T" is something amazing too! Just a T. She's not "just" anything! She's special to me. Very, very special. Maybe YOU'RE the one missing out on something special.

Dont get me wrong Rainbow, i want/need someone in my life who i can go
to, to share my thoughts and behaviours with...and i do, my T!

I have felt close to one particular T (ive had 3 previous & currently have a
key-worker & a new T) and thats becoz she disclosed alot of her personal
info to me. We had a very similar upbringing and MH. When our sessions
came to an end it was like the end of an era, but thats how it is... She
refered me to an addiction centre. But thats the process of recovery. Also
becoz we share so much personal stuff with out Ts, its natural we are
going to feel like that, isnt it? We dont go discussing some of the things
we do with out Ts to others and for that reason thats why i believe she is
"just a T" and its what Ts are there for. The feelings are there coz we are
able to open up to our Ts about our MH and be open and honest about it.
Where as family, friends etc. we hold back stuff, if even at all open up
about it.

I did with the T who i became close to, i thought, "yeah i could go for
drinks with her and have a laugh", but i know why i felt this way. i felt this
way coz we were similar people and had been thru much the same (as far
as i know from what she told me).....duno if she felt the same way tho. I
did search her on facebook, but i would do that with anyone who i was
close with.

I suppose its just a question i have never really thought about - What is a
T?

The way i see it is, she is someone to listen to me, guide me, etc. and
nothing else, even tho i may feel like i "need" her in my life, Ts come and
go and that is life. I understand that relationships form and we become
comfortable and can come to "love" them being there, but the difference
maybe that i reconise it for what it is and try to leave feelings out of the
relationship and that is - my recovery

I have just begun a new thearpy and who knows how ill feel towards her.
But my main aim is my recovery...

Maybe im in denial!!!!!!!!!!!!! If thats even possible!

What i question is - am i just a client or do they really care?

GOTCHA COVERED!

Psychotherapy>Paying someone to care
08-04-2011

Sorry I don't know how to post the link to this thread. You just missed a fun discussion on this, but there have been so many new joins, maybe we'll get another one going! I think this is like the riddle of the sphinx or something! Today, I feel like just another client - but of a really awesome, caring T. Like having the best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills (to use a really bad example!) - it's its own reward!

I like paying someone to care. Then I'm guaranteed.

I've never seen any other clients, don't think I ever will. My T doesn't have a waiting room, as she works from home, and seems to space appointments out. She's generous with her time - I don't think we've ever finished on the hour, more like when our conversation comes to some kind of natural conclusion. I never feel like she's shoving me out the door She's only once so far told me we have to finish because of her expecting another client. I know she HAS other clients, lol, but that's it. Sometimes when I'm sat in that chair, though, I do wonder who else has been sat there -- what kind of people go to see her, what they talk about, if they're anything like me... I guess I wonder about whether she finds me to be easier/more difficult than other clients... Wouldn't you just love to be a fly on the wall, sometimes? Being a therapist must be fascinating - listening to all these people, all with their own stories...

I always see the client before me and after me (unless I'm the last session of the day). I really don't give them any thought (unless I actually know them which has happened a couple of times.) Even then I just say hi. I just don't have any anxiety about the situation. T has other clients. No big deal. When I am in session with him, he's fully there for me and really, does anything else really matter?

Today in my session I told my T how I felt about hearing her tell the next client how much she liked his haircut. She thanked me and said she learns from me, that she never thought about that at all! She said she would try not to do it again.

I told her how we clients are very possessive our Ts and how many of us analyze everything about them, and how important they are to us. I've told her that several times. I'm not sure she understands but maybe it's sinking in. I know she's been in therapy but I don't think she had any attachment problems.

I always think T.'s who have been in therapy never get attached in such a way that we clients do to them.
I think I would feel weird because it would make her "weaker"

Good for you for telling her rainbow!! I'm sure she appreciates it.
I'd be really jealous if my T. complimented another client.