Did T ever tell you that he/she missed you?

A lot of Ts are not good with numbers, and may not have much respect for numerical accuracy. She probably just meant "far".

I think you are ... keeping T on rather a short leash.

T tells me a lot of attachmenty stuff- like about loving me and wanting me and always keeping me on her mind- but the one time she said 'I will miss you too' I found it different, and unnerving. T was off on holiday, and I was going through my usual steps to separate myself from her (don't forget me, I'll miss you...). Usually she says "I never forget you, I know you will miss me but...". I didn't tell her how unnerving it felt, and she has never said it since. Thinking about it, I need T *not* to miss me. T is T, and however much I long to be a part of her life, I feel frightened at the idea that this relationship is for her, rather than for *me*. That's too black and white, because it's never either or, and T must be getting something out of it to be able to keep going. I wonder if it's something about needing T to be the grown up, the one who isn't vulnerable. I need her, and I need her not to need me...

Cantexplain, thanks, and i'm glad you revived this thread. Improving, WOW! that's why they get paid, that's what they get out of it, that's what keeps them "safe"? but eventually they do (or can) become vulnerable, ie after years of t.

T says she misses us sometimes. Shes been gone three months. Its a little hard for us to believe, but yes , she says it.