Did T ever tell you that he/she missed you?

While they were away on vacation?
Does it even make sense that they miss us?
T left me a message this morning, in which she calmed me down significantly . She said she missed me.
I know it was supposed to make me feel better, and it did, but I can't help but feel that it was disingenuous.
How can she miss me?
She just saw me Wednesday. I know I miss her so much because of my attachment issues. But she doesn't have similar attachment issues, and I know that despite the fact that she cares about me a great deal, her feelings are not similar to mine.
So I don't believe she really misses me.
And it bothers me that she said that if it's not genuine.
Because it makes me doubt other things she said.
Because my mother wasn't a genuine person.
And on top of it all, I feel guilty for doubting that .
Here is a person who cares about me and tries to make me feel better, and when he tells me he misses me, I doubt it.
Do you think I might have trust issues?

Did any of your T ever told you he or she missed you? Could you trust that? Is it possible she really misses me or is it more likely that she said it just to make me feel better?

I know these are stupid, obsessive questions . Sorry.

Yes, my therapist has said that he missed me. I absolutely believe him. I think you are right when you say that it is not the same kind of "missing" that you may feel, BUT, it is likely that she saw something that reminded her of you, or that she was just thinking about you.

I absolutely believe they do that. Of course, there is also that element of designated shared time. That's a powerful thing for both of you, especially if you've been with this therapist for some period of time. It's an element of routine, and very likely a pleasant one at that.

And, even if she is just saying it to make you feel better, what does that say to you? That she cares enough to think about you, provide for you and thinks enough of your well-being to help.

Nothing about that says disingenuous to me.

Not really stupid my old T sent me a condolence card when my dad died. That was 10 years after therapy ended. She said she loved me and it was real. And yes from time to time I think of my patients past and wonder how they are. So do my other coworkers. We cry when they die. We had a homeless man that would wash the walls in the hallway out of boredom. I felt him in my soul take his last breath and went to his room. The charge rn was there crying. She said I did not want him to die alone. So do not doubt your T who has a close intense relationship with you. T's are human. Connections are important. People care because they are people. Hope this helps my job is not always pretty but it keeps me very grounded.

That is very true, and it has occurred to me, that even if she just said it to make me feel better, it says a lot about how much she cares about me .

Gosh, I feel like an unappreciative kid . But I do appreciate her so much.
Why am I having such difficulty with soaking in the good feelings, and the doubts rear up their ugly heads? Ugh.

Yes, my T has said that to me, and I believe him. We have sessions every 2-4 weeks, so it can be a long time between sessions regardless of whether one of us is on vacation. Yes, we can miss each other during this time. I become most aware of it when we are together again after several weeks, because it is a delight to see him and feels good and I suddenly realize I missed him! He is actually better at saying it than I am as he knows his own mind and feelings better than I know mine. Like I may say to him when first seeing him after a few weeks, "wow, it seems like a long time since I've been here." And he responds with a smile, "I missed you too." It's very sweet. I am working on being more in tune with my feelings like he is, and also being less hesitant about expressing them.

Sounds like a great discussion for therapy. Maybe your T can explain and that will help you in developing trust. Good luck

My T just notices when I haven't seen her in awhile... That's all.

yes our counselor tells us that-when she left us friday she said "i wont see you now until tuesday" and was sad. she also tells us she loves us daily and means it completely.

When I was struggling mightily to prepare for T's vacation a few months ago, T was working to give me some coping skills. One thing she said to me that helped a lot was,"You know, T's get attached too." She said she didn't want me to suffer while she was gone and would be worried about me. It really touched me that she said that. And I believe her.

I can't recall specifically about my former T's, but I have gone to visit former T a few times in the past 10 years or so when I have been in the state/town I used to live in, and she always expressed (and I felt) that she had missed me and was very happy to have me "check in."

When my current T came back from his (one week, phew!) vacation, he didn't say he had missed me, but he told me that he had thought of me while he was gone, and told me when he thought of me. Yesterday in session he said that he had been thinking alot about the "theme" of the session I had with him last week.

Maybe it's not the same, but to me what he's saying is that the connection is "real", i.e. it is outside the therapy room as well as within it, and he keeps me in his heart and his head some of the same ways that I do with him. To me it felt like he was saying that I matter to him enough to think about outside of the hour he spends with me.

You know, I have really struggled myself with being able to take what people say to me (especially nice things, as I'll happily own whatever lousy thing someone wants to toss vaguely in my direction) at face value. It is just really difficult to constantly look for the opposite meaning or a different meaning other than what people actually say. I've done some lack-of-face-value doosies in therapy lately, from accusing my T of saying that I'm "dumb", that I'm a "bad mother", etc etc when he's actually said the complete opposite.

I think you could be all cynical and come up with a host of reasons for why a therapist would not be honest about this-- people say things about therapy like Ts say what clients want to hear, otherwise you won't be coming back, etc.

In social science theory there is a saying, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. Plus, I do believe conceptually that most people mean what they say, and if you trust your T, part of that means you believe what they say. And, as to you Vaffla personally-- I hope this is okay to say-- the open and heartfelt way you share yourself on here is totally adorable-- and I can see why your T might really miss you.

Anne

Thank you so much for that! I truly appreciate it!

i dont think my T has ever said she misses me.i have never asked either.it would hurt if she said no or something.i dont think i would ever tell her i miss her either i wouldnt want to creep her out.like this crazy person misses me yuck she is way to close to me. than she would add even more restrictions on me

My t has said she misses me. Its hard to believe her.

See, why does a NORMAL person (a T) interpret the first statement to mean the second? How do they make that jump?! I think I've said that too, it's been a long time, or it's been TOO long, I think THAT's the line that gets me into trouble, TOO long. But I'm not aware of missing while they're gone, just aware of gladness and relief when we are reunited, like I can finally breathe again, finally live again, finally exist again. Sorry, got off subject, didn't I. No, not really - just pointing out what he was saying was reciprocal, but maybe not necessarily indicative of truly missing.

I think it's because my T knows me so well and can "hear" the subtext of what I say, and he also knows that I am not very good about knowing what my own feelings are or expressing them (because I don't like to be vulnerable). As soon as he said that he missed me too, I realized I had missed him, and I smiled to know he knew this before I did.

It actually didn't seem reciprocal to me (he gave more than I did in the interaction), but when he said he missed me I absolutely believed him. He is very genuine and I could see in his face and hear in his voice that he missed me. That helped me realize I missed him too. He's a wise guy, my T.

I think that's one difference between us: I wear my heart on my sleeve, I tell my T I will miss her before she leaves, while she is gone, and after she comes back. I am very upfront about my feelings, so perhaps that makes it easier for her to match up. But I want to hope that if it wasn't genuine, she wouldn't have said it just to match up with me...

My first t would tell me this weekly. It was then I started thinking SHE should be in therapy..

My T once told me that she thought about me (when she was in Europe ) and we had a discussion once about my recurring thought/fear that when she goes away, she will decide to stop being a therapist (partly to get rid of me). She said she enjoys her work, those she works with, and is glad to return.

I want to clarify something: It's not that I can not believe my therapist can miss me. I do believe it is possible. What made it more challenging to believe was the fact that I have just seen her Wednesday, and today is Saturday. So it is a little weird that she'd miss me after three days. It's not as weird that I would miss her given how attached to her I am and given my history of anxious attachment, but for her to say that - kind of weird.

mine has said she misses me & thinks about me when she is away or i am away. at first i laughed & told her to get a life! she said she has one but still thinks about me anyway..she said she saw something or read something that made her think of my sense of humor...& it made her laugh...& wanted to tell me about it.

other times she has said she has seen my big ugly van around town & smiled & thought of me (it's really hard to not see it...i laugh & tell her to realx i so can not stalk her)

this past week during the brunt of the hurricane i was under a mandatory evacuation & she called me on my cell to tell me to be safe & to make sure i was warm & safe & then also left a message on my home phone as well (i had left to an area where i did not get cell reception so i didn;'t get her call)

so yeah..i think i think she misses me (as opposed to my regular doc who thought on monday after the storm passed.."hey i haven't heard from stumpy & she lives right on the water & isn't in a safe spot but yet i haven't heard any reports of a woman drowning walking dogs...i better call her...she means well....)

stumpy

I don't think my T has ever told me that she missed me. I don't think she would say that, either, just like she won't say she loves me. I think she may have said she would be sad if I died, though.

Vaffla, I know about wanting your T to be genuine. Mine is genuine, usually, but at my last session she told me she was going somewhere a couple of hours away, but the truth is it's almost 5 hours away. I consider that being untruthful and I emailed her about it. She was probably wanting to spare me some anxiety, but it made me think she thinks I'm stupid, that I wouldn't know, or look up, how far away it was.

I can't remember if T every said he missed me, but generally when he comes back after being gone he has some story about thinking about me while he was fishing or something, and he wants to share whatever insight about me he had discovered. The other day he was telling me about thinking of me while he was doing his morning bike ride (he rides 25 or so miles before work each day). He realized he was riding through my neighborhood on his way to cross the lake bridge. I guess it's kind of nice knowing I'm "with" him for more than our time together in session because he certainly is "with" me outside of his office.

My T has told me that she has missed me and will also tell me that "it is really good to see you". I know she means it because she wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I guess I liken it to missing my students when I don't see them for a while or there is a break from school. I care about them and I know my T cares about me. I think it was wonderful that your T was open and vulnerable and shared those feelings with you.

What you mean by "miss" and what she means might have different connotations ("denote" is literal meaning, "connote" is a "commonly understood subjective cultural and/or emotional association"). I would say that thinking about someone else, for whatever reason (if you sent her an email she read, for example, whether or not she was on vacation; you and she are not "together" then) would be a form of "missing" the other person, otherwise you wouldn't have thought of them? When I do something and it reminds me of a friend, what T has said to me, or anyone else for any reason (even my dead parents), I wish I could tell them about it right then, could show the person? So, I'm "missing" that person.

No, it doesn't have the nature of our constant-seeming thinking about T at every turn, but I think she did think about you for some reason and missed you, that's why she told you! She wanted you to know she had thought about you and "missing" is one way to help ourselves connect with others. You go back to T because you miss her :-) She sees you because she enjoys seeing you and misses not seeing you!

That's so beautiful!

If you've never missed someone, it might be difficult to believe that anyone could miss you. But *I* would certainly miss you.