This is a new related thread..

I've been trying to get to a point of talking about some really tough issues but have anxiety. So we spent one whole session talking about talking about it. I came to next session ready to talk and T. went on a long monologue about something that I tried to tell him I agreed with him on. I can't seem to stop him when he does it,,, I just go off in my head somewhere. More details read thread Trauma Work

I emailed the T. with how I felt about this past session. I told him that I felt like he was lecturing and that half the session could have happened without me even being there. He responded within a few minutes which was very helpful. The tone of the email was very formal but I know he doesn't like to discuss therapy in emails so I should have expected that. He said all the right things like happy I felt safe enough to say these things...that he wants me to direct the sessions... that I could have said these things in session... that hopefully we can work together to make me comfortable in session..

I feel anxious and naseaus. I'm still worried that I somehow ruined things between us. I know the next session will be so weird

But I can also see that this has more to do with my inability to confront people, say things I don't think they will be happy with , etc. than it has to do with T. I should have been able to say ...Hey wait a minute, I don't think you heard what I was saying... Or I agree with you on that but I wanted to talk about this today... I think I fear abandonment too much to do that or its an issue with authority.

IF you have ever confronted T., how did you all survive week the next week? Does it always get resolved when we confront T.?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

This is a new related thread..

I've been trying to get to a point of talking about some really tough issues but have anxiety. So we spent one whole session talking about talking about it. I came to next session ready to talk and T. went on a long monologue about something that I tried to tell him I agreed with him on. I can't seem to stop him when he does it,,, I just go off in my head somewhere. More details read thread Trauma Work

I emailed the T. with how I felt about this past session. I told him that I felt like he was lecturing and that half the session could have happened without me even being there. He responded within a few minutes which was very helpful. The tone of the email was very formal but I know he doesn't like to discuss therapy in emails so I should have expected that. He said all the right things like happy I felt safe enough to say these things...that he wants me to direct the sessions... that I could have said these things in session... that hopefully we can work together to make me comfortable in session..

I feel anxious and naseaus. I'm still worried that I somehow ruined things between us. I know the next session will be so weird

But I can also see that this has more to do with my inability to confront people, say things I don't think they will be happy with , etc. than it has to do with T. I should have been able to say ...Hey wait a minute, I don't think you heard what I was saying... Or I agree with you on that but I wanted to talk about this today... I think I fear abandonment too much to do that or its an issue with authority.

IF you have ever confronted T., how did you all survive week the next week? Does it always get resolved when we confront T.?

Well, perhaps one thing to keep in mind is that we get to say what we like and don't like (in a reasonable manner of course). We have a right to expect people to be responsive to us. It doesn't ruin anything. Just the opposite, in fact, things usually get a lot better for everyone.

Personally, I don't like the word confrontation, and much prefer to think of it as effective communication.

We can sometimes grow very accustomed to being ignored, or rebuffed, or minimized, but those lessons came to us from very very bad teachers.

I know you can tell yourself all of this logically, but it's hard to get fully incorporate what is essentially your birthright as a human into your being.

It sounds as though you have directly challenged a long held belief and for that, good for you.

Try to trust your therapist in his ability to assimilate and respond to what you want without becoming angry, or rejecting you.

It's what good people, and good teachers do.

[stopdog]

I do not think that disagreeing with or correcting a therapist when they are wrong will ruin your relationship with them. Most of them can handle it. They may not admit to being incorrect, but you pointing it out does not usually faze them.

[WePow]

I found that my T actually goes into a better mode when we have issues between us. Almost like he tries harder. You did the right thing with bringing it up.

[ECHOES]

IF you have ever confronted T., how did you all survive week the next week? Does it always get resolved when we confront T.?

Yes it does get resolved. And the beauty of getting to where we can disagree with T right in session means it gets explored and resolved right then and there, even if the result is you have differing opinions/thoughts. And the beauty of discovering you have differing opinions/thoughts is that you also discover that this is okay and is not a relationship-breaker. In fact, it deepens and strengthens the relationship.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

IF you have ever confronted T., how did you all survive week the next week?

If you do the "confronting" during your session, then you don't have to wait a week. you get T's reaction in real time, and you can survive it right there in T's presence. I don't email my T about therapy issues so have not had to survive what you describe, although I've had to do it in session. I think your T's answer was definitely reassuring, though. It sounds like he welcomed your input. I think it's hard to judge tone in an email.

I don't see what you did as "confrontation", which has a negative connotation to me. (I also think of "confrontation" as something bigger and more monumental, such as drawing a person's addiction problem to their attention or telling one's spouse that you know they are having an affair.) Readytostop, you just spoke up for what you needed and shared your opinion on how the session went. Now if you can start doing that in session, that would be even better because then you get immediate feedback.

I have gotten angry at my T a couple of times since beginning therapy, and it was tremendously helpful to me to see that our relationship could survive that. I am always scared about making people angry, so to see that T could accept that and we could talk through it were huge. It made our relationship stronger, not weaker.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Does it always get resolved when we confront T.?

If you mean does the T always change to suit what the client wants, then no. But you get a chance to talk about it with T, and reach a compromise, if necessary. Sometimes the client does get what he/she wants. Sometimes there is discussion and the client and T both reach new understanding, and the client may change what it is he/she wants. Sometimes it ends up "we agree to disagree" or "I see your point, but the way I view it is...." Those latter are not bad outcomes. Definitely survivable! And I consider them "resolved."

On the other hand, if the client does not bring up the topic that is disturbing him/her, then it will probably not get resolved.