[geez]

Since seeing T last week after my yoga class I've been spending my time processing and getting up the courage to say hi how nice to see you . So today I got out of yoga class and she wasn't there .

She owes me nothing. I was just hoping to see her.

I go through the what ifs in my head: What if T feels awkward about bumping into me so she's not taking the class anymore? T really doesn't like me. T wants to keep her personal life personal and doesn't want to even risk bumping into me. T thinks I'm weird.

All these insecurities pop into my head and they are self destructive. I do miss her but I can't shake the feeling that she is glad to be 'done' with me. I know that's not the case but there's something inside of me saying that. She hasn't done anything or said anything ever to make me feel that way it's just me projecting something from within myself. It's like I'm falling into the pattern of expecting something bad. Something bad will happen. It's purely on an emotional level not an intellectual level.

Any thoughts? And thank you in advance for helping me process this.

[OneRedRose]

she may have just been ill?, its defiantly a possibility, or maybe she too felt awkward, not because of you, but maybe she doesnt know how to approach that situation either, they are still human , if its really worrying you, bring it up with her at your next session just say "oh I saw you other day outside yoga, hope you didnt think I was rude for not saying hi, I just wasnt sure whether saying hi would be ok or not" that way she knows that it wasnt anything intentionally bad, and she can let you know her boundrys, Ive had T's/councilers in the past that I have bumped into some smile and say hi, some just walk past, the ones that do walk past have always confronted me when I asked and said they do it so not to raise any questions with people I am with, once I told them that people knew who they were and i was perfectly comfortable with it, they too smiled and said hi as they came past. (of course none would stop and chat...now that would be strange, unless they quickly want to check up on an appointment)

[mcl6136]

Yeah, I have a thought. T isn't thinking of you at all, though you are obsessing about her non-stop. This will gradually melt away....

Her lack of attention to your existence is not a BAD thing. She's thinking about all manner of other stuff (her life) and if she bumped into you, she would be surprised but DELIGHTED.

She helped you find your strength, your gifts, your sense of yourself and she knows this...I can tell that your relationship was mutually beneficial.

She's ALSO a pro and would be pleasant and not gushy....but you would know she still has your heart in her hands. But now you are steering on your own.

It is all good. Blessings, MCL

[geez]

Thank you OneRedRose and mcl for your thoughts.

Rose I ended therapy a few weeks ago so I don't have any more appts with T. It was just kind of ironic that I bumped into her a couple weeks in a row after I ended therapy.

Mcl I 'get it'. While I have some closure I'm looking forward to the pain going away. I guess I spent too much time thinking about it in anticipation of bumping into her for the third week in a row and was planning on saying hi.

((((((geez)))))))

Oh wow, that stinks...to think about it, to process it in your head, to have all that anticipation, to be ready to say "hi"...and then to have her not be there. It totally makes sense that it would dip you into a place of disappointment and self-doubt. There are SO many big emotions there...the sadness and hope of ending therapy, the emotions from seeing her at class and not saying hi, the emotions around getting ready to see her and then not finding her there. It's just a LOT.

Can you check in with yourself about the reality of what you had with her? Can you remember your last session, and the things you said to each other, and how you felt? Sometimes when I get into a spiral of "T doesn't love me" or whatever, I try to remember specific moments when I've felt loved. For me, my history tells me to not trust my feelings, and that makes it hard. Like...what if I just THINK T loves me, but I read it wrong? I just left T a message about that tonight. My need to check in over and over and over again.

But this isn't our childhood. This is now, and we really CAN trust the connection that we've worked so hard to build with T. I bet when she sees you, she feels GOOD...you had a relationship and you worked so hard together...and there you are, out with friends, doing something healthy and healing for yourself. THAT is an amazing therapy outcome. If I were her, I would feel so proud to see that

Try not to make up a story in your head. Hang on to what is real...your hard work with T, your healing, her caring for you, that connection that you will carry with you forever. THAT is real.

[geez]

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((geez)))))))

Oh wow, that stinks...to think about it, to process it in your head, to have all that anticipation, to be ready to say "hi"...and then to have her not be there. It totally makes sense that it would dip you into a place of disappointment and self-doubt. There are SO many big emotions there...the sadness and hope of ending therapy, the emotions from seeing her at class and not saying hi, the emotions around getting ready to see her and then not finding her there. It's just a LOT.

Can you check in with yourself about the reality of what you had with her? Can you remember your last session, and the things you said to each other, and how you felt? Sometimes when I get into a spiral of "T doesn't love me" or whatever, I try to remember specific moments when I've felt loved. For me, my history tells me to not trust my feelings, and that makes it hard. Like...what if I just THINK T loves me, but I read it wrong? I just left T a message about that tonight. My need to check in over and over and over again.

But this isn't our childhood. This is now, and we really CAN trust the connection that we've worked so hard to build with T. I bet when she sees you, she feels GOOD...you had a relationship and you worked so hard together...and there you are, out with friends, doing something healthy and healing for yourself. THAT is an amazing therapy outcome. If I were her, I would feel so proud to see that

Try not to make up a story in your head. Hang on to what is real...your hard work with T, your healing, her caring for you, that connection that you will carry with you forever. THAT is real.

Thank you so much for posting this (((tree))) I needed to read this more than you know. I too have a hard time with my feelings getting in the way and right now I am thinking about how T cared for me per your suggestion. I needed to read this today as I just got back from a fair and I saw T there. I was going to say hi to her but I would have had to go out of my way and half the town was there and it was in an open space were I would have to walk up to her and half the town could see me/her so I decided to not go up to her. It hurt really bad to see her and yet not be able to give a friendly hi and wave. Feeling sad and I'm looking forward to the day when I bump into her and it's no big deal or it doesn't hurt so much.

Someday.

[beautifultea]

My last therapist had a rule that even after ending therapy she couldn't acknowledge clients in public until they did so first. For confidentiality reasons.