One thing that has thouroughly confused me is the concept of transference.

Well last night this concept was finally suddenly clear to me.

I am rereading my Nancy J Napier books. I saw my therapist on Wensday and she told me the order form for my Nancy J Napier tapes ( reminder to those who have no idea what I am talking about -my therapist through the agencys flex fund (account used for client needs) is getting me one of three sets of tapes that goes with Nancy J Napiers books I don't remember which set she is getting me)

but anyway when we talked she said besides getting the one set if we set a goal using this stuff during therapy ...

(my first thought was she's trying to use this as getting me to work with her instead of always doing my therapy stuff on my own and Im not going to like the goal, defenses up theres a catch coming up)

.... time and we accomplish that goal the agency will most likely ok getting me the other 2 sets. (defenses down I can do this no problem. and I get to keep the tapes)

So there I was going through my books trying to decide an area to work on with my therapist and there was a spot in the book that explained "transference" and "attachment" and how they are different.

This is from the book Getting Through The Day by Nancy J. Napier published by W. W. Norton & Company Ltd.

(page 252)

"This process of allowing yourself to experience a full array of feelings with the therapist involves engaging what is called "transference" : Unresolved issues from the past are "transferred" onto or experienced as a part of current relationship."

Ok thats clear to me - My talking about what happened to me in the past moves (transfers) what happened to me outside me onto or into the therapist so that we can figure out my feelings about it. I was abused so sometimes when talking to my therapist I feel defensive because I am remembering the feeling of being abused and think she is going to abuse me.

But I keep hearing about people saying falling in love with their therapist is transference no where in there does it say falling in love or caring about the therapist where does that fit in here?

So I kept reading and found on the next page not on and not related to the topic of transference was the topic of "Attachement"--

(page 254) topic - It Hurts to Need Someone So Much.

"many therapists have begun increasingly to focus on what are called issues of attachment"

then goes into details of the dynamics of how the abused need to feel cared for and cared about and have a "secure base" and caring about the therapist., and separations from the therapist. In order to cover it all I'd have to type the whole two pages that are covered in the attachment section.

But now I understand -

TRANSFERENCE is taking the past situations and feelings about those situations out there to be dealt with kind of like moving (transferring) an object from one place to another. I pick up a glass and move (transfer) it from the counter to the table to drink. I take the past feelings and situations and move them outside of myself and to my therapist to take care of them

ATTACHMENT is connecting and caring about the therapist and needing the therapist to take care of me and missing my therapist when she is not available or on vacation/out of town and so on.

I know that there is a big issue of therapist attachment issues and transferance issues being discussed here so I thought I would post this for anyone that may be as confused as I was on these things.

Hi Myself,

Thanks for posting this...... I do understand the idea now of transference and attachment.

But..... I'm still not all that clear on transference itself. I'm wondering...... is it always positive?? For about a three month span last year in therapy.... I kept hearing a voice in my head saying --- " I hate him, I hate him", referring to my therapist. I finally asked myself..... why do I hate him? I realized it wasn't him I really hated... but the things he was helping me to see that my mother did to me.

So, I was wondering..... was that transference that I felt for my mom-- being transferred to my T? or is transference just the positive feelings we missed out on that are brought about, do to a kind and caring therapist?

Wishing you well,
mandy

no not always positive.

Its taking your feelings and situations good or bad from the past and putting them out there and onto your therapist. The hating your therapist because that feeling is there for and about the topic being discussed is TRANSFERENCE

the situations where you are wanting the therapist to take care of and care for you and do things you missed out on is called ATTACHMENT. You trust her so you want her to do those for you it falls into the reparenting section of the attachment issues.

I am using capitals to separate the two titles not for yelling at you. You're doing great.

[Hopefull]

I have transefered some on other people because the people make me think of someone from the past. So, I react to them the way that I would the person from the past.
However, I seem to react oddly to this T sometimes. I am trying to figure out why I am doing that. I have been wondering if it is some sort of transferance. I seem to think of mother figure--not my mother though. That puzzles me. I might mention to her. I don't know.

[(JD)]

Also, it can be transference of "love" by the patient, imo. That attachment could be unrequited love for someone else.

I didn't know you mainly work on your own by yourself, doing your own therapy. I hope you will be able to continue to trust your T more and more, as it's a good thing!

TC

mother figure to brings to mind a person who can take care of someone, take care of those problems for the person and have feelings such as love for the person in this book such things as this is placed in the "attachment" section. The section the discusses a client trusting their therapist so much that they want that person to take care of them, fix things and love them for example like a parent would.

If this is what it is I wouldn't worry about it. it means you and your therapist have connected and you trust in her and her judgement. and yea I would bring it up to her. She will be able to explain more about the differences between transferance and the attachment you feel and let you know being attached to a therapist is ok. she may even feel honored that she has earned your trust to this degree.

interesting idea..

being attached to someone in the present and then during therapy take your attachment feelings out of you and move them on to your therapist for discussion and taking care of them...

if I do this and know its this why not take care of the attachment issues with the person I am attached to. If I am attached to them to this degree then I have total trust in them to care about me and take care of me and do things for me so I wouldnt have any concerns or fears with discussing my attachment to them with them.

Thought provolking....LOL

I do trust my therapist, she's a great person (and I'm not just saying that because she knows about this site and can read my posts any time she want's) She's very active in survivors rights in this community, runs a very successful depression management group, in fact I am in the process of helping a friend connect with her and attend this group. I have as much trust in this therapist as I do any of my past 19 therapists (and more than some of them) It isn't a matter of attachment and trust that I do my therapy stuff on my own. Its the type of program that I am on.

When I recieved my past therapist and she found out I had been tested and came up DID we went to my lawyer on my DHS case. My lawyer told us not to disclose my actual diagnosis. Just work on it. (my present lawyer is not hiding that I have this and its one more worry about this case off my mind)

So under the disguise of PTSD we researched Dissociative Identity Disorder and contacted professionals in the field here and across the country and with their imput, our research and throwing together plans of our own we implimented a 24/7 therapy program to take care of my DID that I could do 98% on my own this way I didn't need to leave the state to enter the DID therapy facility that I needed, which would also have given away to DHS that I have this and grounds for losing my son (if I had left the state then the caseworker would have filed abandonment charges which happens when a child is in foster care and the parent leaves the state without court permission)

My therapy program includes journaling, drawing, poetry, arts and crafts, workbook exercises like Laura Davis's Courage To HealText and workbook, Amongst Ourselves workbook, The PTSD workbook, Depression workbook, Nancy J Napier's Conscious living exercises and so on, relaxation techniques and grounding exercises, parenting classes, anger management classes, depression management classes, support groups both in real life and on line, stimulating all five senses at once with various activities such as cooking and paying attention to textures, smells, looks, playing with play dough, taking a walk and writing down all that I see, hear, and so on. locating and knowing my triggers and acitvely using relaxation, grounding techniques to remain aware, memory recall work.

I can do and keep logs on these things on my own. I set goals for myself and meet those goals. I come up with projects to do and complete those projects.

My therapist knows what I am doing so that if I come up to a wall in my plans she can help.

This plan works so well for me that I was told by my past therapist and my present one the things I am doing has advanced my control over my DID about 10 years in a three year time period. And my present therapist has given me the option of seeing her once in 4-5 weeks.

( I am chosing to see her twice a month because I have a project going that will knock down a nightly nightmare and open up new memories so that some more triggers can be located and taken care of so that I have even more control over what triggers me into dissociating. This plan is one of my odd spur of the moment ones and in my therapist words when I first told her almost 2 years ago that I had developed this plan but havent put it in place yet due to having to switch therapists "that's ******ng Brilliant" is what I call "use dissociation to fix dissociation" She is now caught up to where my past therapist and I am in my therapy program and is ready so we are starting to put the finishing touches (call it dress rehersal if you want) on this plan of mine and then it's a go. And for this part in my plan you might say she is a key factor and has the lead in the actual play so to speak of this plan)

The trick behind my therapy plan is most DID therapy programs work one type of therapy at a time by addressing one issue at a time where as my plan took all my symptoms - depression, anger, parenting, losing time, memory pieces (alters), self injury you name it ...my past therapist and I had put things in place for it all and was working on them all - all at once.

Do I recommend doing this - depends on the person. This type of plan takes total commitment. From the moment of waking up to how to fall asleep is some sort of therapy going on and into the night for example waking from a nightmare or flashback being committed to grabbing that journal logging in the nightmare and actively using the therapy program to regain control over the panic phase. and wake up the next morning doing the program all over again. Its repetative but definately not boring. Challenging and stressful at times. On this plan a person really needs to be able to find humor in every situation possible or it will bury them alive.

Yes I agree therapy is a good thing in fact great but a therapist can't be with me 24/7 keeping me from cutting, keeping me from being triggered into memory pieces, pulling me out of panic attacks, holding me when I need to be wrapped up and held and so on.

even with a therapist I am the one that has to do the work and be committed to doing the work during therapy time and actively using outside of therapy time what is learned during therapy time.

The way I see my therapist, and sessions is like seeing my medical physician. I have health problems. my doctor can prescribe the meds and explain to me what needs to be done but I am the one that has to stick to the diet plans and medication plans to keep the medical problem under control. These medical problems are not going to go away so I need to take care of them not for short term but forever 24/7.The same with my mental health. the problems are there and its my resposibility to take care of them not short term but for forever 24/7.

Thanks again for the thought provoking reply I love it.

[Hopefull]

Wow! You sound like a very hard worker. I hope you take a break once and a while. Keep up the amazing work.

Thanks. It was hard work getting everything set up and getting the bugs out of one part of what I was doing conflicting with another or throwing this one off while it worked.

at one point it seemed like all we were doing was my calling my therapist that was helping me at that time saying I give up I tried this this and this and its not working, so I tried to change this that and the other to make it work and no go running out of ideas here. and the stupid caseworker probably wont let my son come home anyway so why bother fixing me just let me die already. Let me out of my promise so I can kill myself now. and she would call me back and get me to calm down and we would take it one step at a time to find the glitch in what I was doing and change that to make everything work together at a pace that I could handle.

At one point my therapist and I were seen together so much by the DHS caseworker because we were riding together to court hearings and meetings just so we had more therapy time before and after the appointments, that the caseworker sent her to the ethics board many times for claims of my therapist and I having an unethical relationship and she was promoting unhealthy attachment issues.

The ethics board sided with us and deemed the claims as unfounded. and my therapist and I continued working and setting up the plans ( then of course when we had everything in place and I no longer needed face to face sessions with her the caseworker had a fit and sent the therapist to the ethics board for not doing her job correctly by not meeting with a client enough.) Couldn't please the wiched Witch of the west. Oh well the witch ended up burning her own broom and b*tt in the process.

But anyway now that everything is set up it doesn't seem hard and doesnt seem like work most of the time. I go biking, read books, cook, take t2 hour bubble baths, watch movies all kinds of activities during this plan. I'll be posting more about this in my blog - at some point. so you all can read more about it there.

Yes I plan on keeping up with the work. thanks for the compliment.

And thanks Mandy for the pm.