Does your T make you start?

I am seriously thinking of going in tomorrow and asking T to just pick the topic and start. However, I know she won't so I might as well just start with something even though what I really want to do is bring in a huge blanket and just hide under it or maybe build a fort around me with all her couch cushions.

Then I thought I could go in and be all, "So I was going to ask you to start today, but I know you will say something like, "I see you removed your finger nail polish" (LAME) just to get me started in some direction" but I really don't want to start. So for the love of Peter, Paul, and Mary will you please just start." Then I could be all like - at least I am finally asking for something I need.

So back to my question - does your T make you start the talking each session? AND does it ever drive you stark raving mad?

Yes she makes me start. Typically starts off alittle small talk...highlights from the time between sessions. Then we get movin on whatever it is we are working on. Sometimes she will ask a question that kinda gets us started...but thats rare.

Sometimes he does. He says "how can I help you today." I hate that question because if I knew how he could help, I wouldn't be there. I also hate it because it sounds like customer service, like I'm just there buying something from him. I am, but it'd be nice if he cared about it more than if he was a salesman in a shoe store or something. I try to believe he does, but some days it's easier than others.

Usually I just start talking about some topics I've thought of ahead of time and it's awkward. I realized I need to think of easier topics to talk about instead of thinking I'm going to start with difficult topics, because I can't.

Once I said "I don't know how you can help me, but there's plenty of stuff going on..." I think I'll say that if he does it again.

my T usually starts.
She tends to ask how I am, and I say, "I'm ok..." and so she generally had no choice.
These days I'm a bit more open, but she's so used to starting that she does anyway :P

My T usually just asks "what do you need today?" or something similar. She used to ask "how are you doing" but I went on kind of a rant one time about how much I hate that question, so she almost never asks it as a conversation starter. She has asked me near the end of a session, but then it really is to check and make sure I'm okay to leave her office.

Anyway, while my T prompts me by asking what I need, I usually have to start the conversation by picking the topic. There have been times where I just really don't know where to start, and I'll tell my T that. She'll usually start asking me questions about things we've talked about before, and eventually we both figure out what needs to be talked about. When I really don't know where to start, I just tell my T "I don't know what I need today. I have no idea where to even start. Can you please just prompt me with some questions?" She always prompts with relevant questions...asking about specific issues I've been dealing with.

One of the requirements I have for seeing a t is that they will start and not leave me hanging. I had a horrible experience with a t about 15 years ago on this and I will never go through it again. So the both recent ones of mine started.

I have to do a dbt diary card that i give to my T each week, so she looks at that and then usually has questions to ask. Otherwise i'll jump into something, and she usually ends up pulling out of me what is really causing the feelings.

She allows me time to "arrive", which can take some time at times. Its difficult, the 'arriving' because of we naturally in the outside world. So talking about feelings feels like a grind, but she's patient.

yes and it can be iNFURIATING!

I tend to turn the question right back at her. If she says, "How was your week?", I will normally say, "It was okay, what did you do? Have you had a busy day?"

Thankfully, she will answer (most of the time). We do have about 10 minutes of small talk. But she will keep coming back to the same question she started with. I do email between session, so she knows what is going on. If it is about my husband, she will ask, "How are you and __________ doing?"

Of course, I avoid it. She will let me 'small talk', but every chance she gets, she will go back to, "I want you to talk about __________." It used to be terribly awkward, (back in the beginning of therapy). It got easier once we really got to know each other.

I journal a lot. When I am really ready to start, I hand her my notes. She always asks, "Do you want me to read this out loud?" Sometimes I want her to, sometimes I don't.

I usually start because I usually have something to say, but a handful of times I have come in and asked him where he thinks it would be beneficial for us to go that day. Every time he has picked a topic to start, but Im never very fond of his choices.

For almost a year, I drove 100 miles one way to see a psychologist who displayed little or no emotions during the session. He would say hello, and then motion with his hands for me to start. When there was a pause, he would say something like, "What did you think about that?". I found this method useless.

I was fairly new to therapy. Thereafter, I insisted on a treatment plan and did not hesitate to tell the therapist what was working what was not. If a therapist would ask me why I thought I needed therapy, I had a ready response that I had thought about beforehand. I am absolutely convinved that the patient has to have input into the treatment plan. Also, I refuse to suffer in silence. I am paying for a service. I want results.

Was the problem that he wanted you to start, or was the problem that he was cold and distant, and never responded back to you in any meaningful way? [rhetorical question, you don't have to answer]

I prefer to set my own agenda in therapy and that is what has worked for me. My T has occasionally mentioned things that he thinks would be helpful for me to look at "when I'm ready", usually something that he has flagged from my journal. My journal also assists me in helping me track my own progress and what issues are on my mind.

But I get a lot back from my T, most of which I am usually willing to hear . He always makes an effort to connect with whatever I am saying and to share back with me. Sometimes his connections are kinda wacky, sometimes they are totally profound or insightful, sometimes they are just empathic and thoughtful, even loving. It would drive me stark raving mad, probably homicidal, if someone only reacted with the same bleeping question whenever I paused to take a breath.

I think it's okay for a T to wait for you to start, as I do think that many T's want to go wherever you want to go, but they can't unless you tell them. I also think it's okay for you to ask him or her to break the ice, but as others have said, you might not like the way it gets broken.

People say on here all the time that T's aren't mind readers. You can't expect them to know where you want to go or how you want to get there. It might be interesting to start to ask your T to help you with why it's so difficult for you to start and to explore whether you have any other issues in your present life where it's difficult for you to "start."

Anne

Yup. He always asks me, "So! How have you been doing this week?!" and then he'll politely wait while I gather a response. He has never initiated the discussion. Once, I went in and told him I was having a hard time untangling my thoughts, and he gave me a general direction of where to begin, but has never done it "for" me.

I think a problem may be for people like me (surely they exist) that I would never have gone to a t in the first place if I knew how to get to where I wanted to be without the assistance of a stranger who apparently doesn't do anything. I expect them to have a general plan on how someone can get there. As part of that plan, I expect them to be able to guide the conversation towards that goal. I do check this out in the first visit and if we are not able to negotiate this, it makes it easy to cross that person off my list of potential therapists.

Mine has me fill out a little 4 question sheet each appt. Just an x along a line of how I'm feeling in four areas. Sometimes we discuss that at first. But usually its a line or two of small talk until we settle in and he asks "so where do you want to go today?"...If I've called during the week about something that needs addressing we dive right into that with him usually bringing it up.

We always start off with a few minutes of chit-chat, to sort of ease into the session. Then, if I have something I want to talk about, I'll say it and get right into it. Other times, if the last session was particularly "interesting", I'll ask him if he has anything from last session that he wants to continue with, or any follow-up before I get into a new subject.

I usually make a few notes during the week of what I want to talk about, so if we don't get to any I won't forget and can bring them up later. His policy is "You set the agenda", but sometimes I toss the ball to him and ask him what he thinks we should talk about. He's a very interactive T, so that's no problem. In fact, if I let him, he could probably talk for the entire 50 minutes. He's the polar opposite of the blank slate approach. Works for me .....

My T usually starts the session off by recapping what happened in the last session, which breaks the ice alittle bit! and then we discuss whatever we left off from, or T will ask how the week went and ill just go into it, we also have a quick 2 minute conversation via phone once or twice a week where they just check up on me, make sure im ok so sometimes we follow on from those convos depending on what was said

Old t did. It drove me nuts sometimes. With new t we get along so well that we talk about everything and anything so the second we see each other we start to yak away a million miles an hour. The problem isnt starting its ever ENDING A session.

Always.. it's my therapy, my time with her.
Although if I have called or emailed she might bring that up. That happens rarely.

Thank you all for your replies. T always makes me start and since I'm forking out the cash for the 50 minutes and want the most bang for my buck I don't go for the small talk.

I have 40 minutes to decide how I'm going to start today's session. I know I'm going to go in there and launch into whatever escapes my mouth first so I don't know why I have this feeling of panic or even let my brain waste the time wishing T would start. Do you ever get tired of living in your own brain?

I better get going or I'll be late. W A I T a minute . . . maybe if I was late for the first time ever T would start . . . hmmmm I might be on to something here.

Yes! It feels like 'the enemy' sometimes.

Do you think you will start with that....

Maybe you could start with this. My T enjoys hearing about my plans to escape from therapy. I never follow through, but I do tell her when I fantasize about not showing up. I don't know why she seems happy to hear those stories...

Well, I just dove in with reckless abandon. I think overall the session went well, but I did leave wondering if this therapy thing is really working for me. I know I will be better for doing it in the long run, but right now I am spinning my wheels. I had made some decent progress until a month ago when I received some unfortunate news that has really sent me off the deep end. I'm just not sure what the point of life is anymore. I mean really, is it just so you can get slapped with immense heartache after heartache? In the last month I have lost the will to do just about everything. I have begun considering medication (T thinks it will help) but I am SOOOO scared of starting meds. Just really lost right now and not talking to anyone about it other than T. My husband doesn't even know how bad I feel on a daily basis.

thanks for reading.

Did you share all that with T? And you started?