[googley]

Hi Everyone,
I have wonderful news! I get to keep seeing my T. I was able to get a new job. I am so happy. This takes a massive weight off of my shoulders. I was so distraught in our last session. Now it feels like I was totally over reacting. And not being able to use any logical thinking. But at the same time it felt like my world was falling apart. When I was able to start thinking about it I felt like I was going numb to my feelings. I don't think that being numb to it is a good thing necessarily either. I feel like this is something like the 'wise' mind that is talked about in DBT. But in some situations like this I get so overwhelmed I can't do it. Whereas other times I can do it. I feel so embarrassed that I am going to have to go back into T and tell her that everything is okay. I feel totally embarrassed about falling apart over this last session.

The other issue is that I feel like I don't know what is normal. I have spent so many years suppressing my emotions as a way to deal with them, I don't know if what I am experiencing is what others experience normally and it just seems so overwhelming because I'm not used to it, or if I was totally off the deep end with being so overwhelmed. I think this is because I had to suppress my emotions so much as a kid. Does anyone else experience this? I felt like I was on a total roller coaster. Now I just feel somewhat okay, but mostly numb. What do I do about this?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by googley

I have wonderful news! I get to keep seeing my T. I was able to get a new job. I am so happy. This takes a massive weight off of my shoulders.

That is fantastic news!!! You must feel so relieved. Phew! What is your new job?

Originally Posted by googley

I was so distraught in our last session. Now it feels like I was totally over reacting. And not being able to use any logical thinking.... I feel so embarrassed that I am going to have to go back into T and tell her that everything is okay. I feel totally embarrassed about falling apart over this last session.

Googley, I feel you are being very negative and judgmental about expressing your emotions to T (being distraught) last session. That is what T is there for, to share the ups and downs, to hear about the challenges in our lives and how we are feeling. I sometimes feel bad for going to therapy and not being "OK enough". I don't even know quite what that means, but it seems wrong! I told T about that once--I think I apologized to him for feeling down that day--and he thought it was funny. He said that most people think it is OK to come to therapy when they are down and that they see the therapist as a person who would help with that. So of course it is OK to show your feelings in therapy. But somehow that wasn't apparent to me or how I felt. I wanted T to not see me that way. What you wrote reminds me of that. THat you were very upset because you lost a job you had carefully arranged, that you need to pay your rent and for food and tuition and for therapy, and so you were super upset and shared that with your T. That sounds good to me!! I feel you have this imaginary Googley you are trying to be in therapy--a logical thinker with no feelings, who is "wise", and won't get upset. You don't have to be that way in therapy, do you, Googley? If you can't tell your feelings and disappointments and problems to your T, then who can you tell?

I asked my T once for help in containing my emotions. I was very sad and kept finding myself in public crying. It was embarrassing. I asked for his help with that. One thing he offered to me was that I could come to his office and cry with him and not feel embarrassed. So I could let off some of the pressure of being sad and trying to cover it up. So I see your being upset in therapy, and even overwhelmed, as very similar to that. You didn't go around "outside" a sobbing mess but instead came to therapy and expressed all you were feeling and probably let off some of the pressure of having to be "functional" at school and at your internship. So, good for you, Googley. It sounds like a super use of therapy and you do not need to be embarrassed about that or feel you failed because you weren't "logical" or "wise" enough when you were with your T.

[(JD)]

WONderful news! I'm so happy for you! (Hey be sure to update your laid off thread in poohbah.)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Hey G that is GREAT!! I am so happy for you!!

I for one completely understood where you were in last session, I don't think it was overreacting at all. Pls don't be so hard on yourself. T is for you a place to draw strength from, someone on your side; these are all very precious things.

Googley, I am so happy for you.

Every year at work we have open enrollment for medical insurance and the first thing i do before pick a plan, is to check and see if t is covered by a ins co, there is no way i could afford to see t without insurance...
so glad everything worked out sooo well.

as for the wisemind stuff, i have depression so all i know about bpd i learned here on pc....

[ECHOES]

That is the greatest news, googley! I happy for you on both counts - finding another job so fast and being able to still see T.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Great news Googley!

[beautiful.mess]

Originally Posted by googley

Hi Everyone,
I have wonderful news! I get to keep seeing my T. I was able to get a new job. I am so happy. This takes a massive weight off of my shoulders. I was so distraught in our last session. Now it feels like I was totally over reacting. And not being able to use any logical thinking. But at the same time it felt like my world was falling apart. When I was able to start thinking about it I felt like I was going numb to my feelings. I don't think that being numb to it is a good thing necessarily either. I feel like this is something like the 'wise' mind that is talked about in DBT. But in some situations like this I get so overwhelmed I can't do it. Whereas other times I can do it. I feel so embarrassed that I am going to have to go back into T and tell her that everything is okay. I feel totally embarrassed about falling apart over this last session.

The other issue is that I feel like I don't know what is normal. I have spent so many years suppressing my emotions as a way to deal with them, I don't know if what I am experiencing is what others experience normally and it just seems so overwhelming because I'm not used to it, or if I was totally off the deep end with being so overwhelmed. I think this is because I had to suppress my emotions so much as a kid. Does anyone else experience this? I felt like I was on a total roller coaster. Now I just feel somewhat okay, but mostly numb. What do I do about this?

In a very basic nutshell, yes, absolutely; I experience this too. One of my defense mechanisms when I was young was pushing ALL of my feelings and emotions far, FAR AWAY from me. You literally spoke my mind when you said you don't know what "is normal". I ask myself that all the time. I also wonder constantly if "normal" people have the emotions, feelings and reactions the way I experience them. I was in session today, and I read a journal entry to my t and after I read it aloud and actually HEARD my own thoughts, I was SO tempted to ask him if it was normal that i felt those things! But I held back. Gak! Why did I do that?! Now I get to wonder if the way I feel NOW is normal or not.

[beautiful.mess]

BTW, congrats on your new job!!!

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by googley

Hi Everyone,
I have wonderful news! I get to keep seeing my T. I was able to get a new job. I am so happy. This takes a massive weight off of my shoulders.

Yay! that's wonderful!

[granite1]

[Dr.Muffin]

im so happy for you googles!!! *hugs* i know you were SO stressed about this....im glad things worked out in your favor

[Kacey2]

I am really glad for you Googley! What a relief. Don't feel bad about your reaction last week, any abrupt separation at this caliber of relationship would be over the top distressing for anyone.

(((((((googley)))))))

THAT is awesome news!!! I am so so so happy that you can keep seeing T.

I really, really get the whole "what's normal?" when it comes to thoughts and feelings. Sometimes T will say "it totally makes sense that you would be upset about X" and it really helps...because I never know if it DOES make sense. It's like I don't know what I'm *allowed* to feel, even though logically, I know feelings just are what they are, and whatever I feel is okay, because it's what I FEEL.

So...I would say to YOU that it makes SO much sense that you would be distraught at the thought of losing T. I know I would be. It's an important relationship that has taken a long time to built. It's a huge source of support. It's a place you can go where you know you are always safe. To have all of that suddenly taken away, against your will, would be painful and scary. I feel pretty sure that most of us here would react just like you did.

Be gentle with you, sweet googley

[rainbow8]

Yay! That's great news, googley. I'm so happy you found a job and you'll be able to continue seeing your T!!!

I know I would have reacted the same way as you, but I know my emotional reactions aren't always normal, so I don't know if that helps you or not. No one is "normal" anyway. We're all works in progress, even those who aren't in therapy, IMHO.

[likewater]

I' m really, really glad. And congratulations.

[mixedup_emotions]

Woo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!