[WePow]

Sorry I have been not very supportive since my folks had their wreck.
My inner life took a big hit emotionally. Add to that a very rotten work life. Toss if my best friend looses her job and may have to move back to the other side of the state to live with her folks if she can't get a job by December... Well the bottom line is I was litterally at the very end of my rope.

As always, my T has been right here for me the whole time. He was in training and still here for me. It was good to know I was not alone even when I felt alone.

Session today was... amazing. It was VERY hard. T gave me a double session with EMDR. He is VERY good at it! We had not done this before. But it really helped me move into one of my deeper issues with an alter who has been very hidden from me. It is/was the highly active suicidal part. In fact, that part was so active that I seriously worried that my T would have to get me hospitalized at the end of session today once he knew just how dangerous this past week was for me and just how intense the agony was that part was holding.

Bottom line is I NEEDED my T to be with me through this and to find some way to help me. I was fighting to stay conscious today without total dissociation and barely remember walking into the office to see T. But I do remember plopping down on the couch and saying something like "Please FIX ME!!"

I had to have it or I knew I was in serious big trouble. And he was there. And he did help fix me.

I have a massive headache right now. But I knew that would come with the work, so that is fine. But I feel so different inside. It feels ... just so so different. I know I still have serious work to do. But this work today was like an olympic sporting event.

I get to see my T again Thursday and that according to our pattern should be a more relaxed session just making sure all this is still ok. I feel good right now and it was amazing because I litterally walked out thinking for the first time in my life that there was HOPE that one day I would actually FEEL healed enough to not NEED to see my T so much. Just that feeling was amazing to have! I love my T and would see him every day if I could! LOL. But I love my independence and want to feel that sense of internal freedom I know I can have. Before therapy, I had that but it was because anything that touched my heart was quickly shuffled into a corner and away from the real me.

Today T touched the real parts of me where "I" live. Where the REAL I lives.

[unaluna]

I had a BIG session yesterday too! Isn't it amazing? it felt like it went on forever, no last five minutes bringing up the big stuff - it was all just good work work work! even tho life is crap. oh well!

[WePow]

http://s99.middlebury.edu/PY204A/STU..._disorders.htm I just read this and it really helps me kinda get what is going on with therapy and the DID. My T works so hard for me to heal!

[Gus1234U]

Well Done, WePow~!

[unaluna]

The explanation of BASK was really good. I was reporting dissociated sensations to my T in the early 80's, just starting to resolve them now. I can't effin believe this. were they not listening? was I not listening? anyway, thanks for posting this article. I read a van der kolk book, he's the did guy alright.

[WePow]

Update: Had my second EMDR session today. Tons of stuff that needs to be worked through. VERY major issues brought forward. Things impacting my entire foundation. Called my mom and did a fact check on something -and that showed my memories were based on facts. And that is bad.
No wonder I have DID. I want out of this nightmare... But I know the way out is by being honest and moving through.

Originally Posted by WePow

Update: Had my second EMDR session today. Tons of stuff that needs to be worked through. VERY major issues brought forward. Things impacting my entire foundation. Called my mom and did a fact check on something -and that showed my memories were based on facts. And that is bad.
No wonder I have DID. I want out of this nightmare... But I know the way out is by being honest and moving through.

Wow that is great!!! Well that you are moving forward in the healing process... It is inspirational...keeps me positive that there is hope from so many years of lost memories...
as you move through this tough time.

[rainbow_rose]

of support, WePow.

[granite1]

all i have right now are hugs but you can have them if you want them

[rainbow8]

I'm glad you're able to do EMDR; sometimes those with DID have a hard time with it, I read. Do you use hand motions, buzzers, or head phones? Just curious since I do EMDR too. It's very powerful but can really help. Keep up the good work!!

[WePow]

Thanks guys :-) I see T again today to finish up work from yesterday.
I follow his fingers with my eyes.
The funny thing is that when my younger parts are activated during EMDR, I have this sudden urge to grab his fingers like a child would a parent before crossing the street. Suppose I should mention that the next time it happens.

Originally Posted by WePow

Called my mom and did a fact check on something -and that showed my memories were based on facts. And that is bad.

I just wanted to say that this has been an issue for me, too. To have "hard" evidence that my memories are accurate, at least to the very center of what they are (who knows if the peripheral details are completely accurate or not), was very difficult for me to handle. As if I had always held out hope that the trauma I remembered (some of it "always" memory and some of it recovered in various ways) was not true. I had hoped for false memories, instead I got the opposite. I was crushed when I had to close off the possibility.

But there was a flipside, too. It gave me courage to face the work I had to do, and it made me realize in a very direct way that the worst was truly over, that I'd survived the events themselves and so I should surely be able to survive the healing from them.

I am glad that you are finding your healing, WePow.

Anne

[Sannah]

Great work WePow!!

We, so glad that t is able to be with you when you are needing him so much. You and your t really work well together.
sending tons and tons of safe hugs