I last minute had to cancel my therapy session last Tuesday, because I had severe pain and needed a MRI done. So I called her voicemail and canceled, but we haven't rescheduled. She never called me, so I'm assuming I'm supposed to call her? I've only seen her like twice. My old therapist always approached me, because it was usually him cancelling. Which is why he is my old T now.

But here's the horrible part. I just don't want therapy right now. And everyone is forcing it on me. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital till I had an appt. I don't want it. I just don't. Leave me alone. Please don't call me. Forget we ever met. I hate making judgments after just two times meeting, so I don't want to talk bad about her. Plus I have a horrible thing, that I do where I think EVERYONE is somehow harming me or not good for me. I think it's the paranoia? I'm not sure.

I could honestly care less if she calls me. I have no attachment to this woman, whatsoever. I don't care if she cares about me. I don't think she's interested in me as a person "she's just doing her job". That's what it feels like.

But I feel like that with everybody. Everybody somehow hates me or doesn't approve of me.

I had to meet my dog's previous owners this morning. They were so perfect. Her and the other dog kept fighting, so they had to rehome her. They were so perfect and I feel so useless. She deserves them. She deserves better then me. A lowly schizophrenic who shuts us in when I get scared and refuses to be a good owner. I hate myself. I know she hates me too.

[DelusionsDaily]

Hi Lydia,

Who is they that is forcing therapy on you? If it is the hospital(im assuming psychiatric)...I believe hospitals do that as a protocol but you cant be forced to follow it. When I went...they said they had to schedule something before I could go but I wasnt obligated to keep it. However I was already in therapy because I chose to be because I wanted to get well. It really up to you when it comes to therapy unless (if your in USA) the state is involved or something like that.

However if you decide you want an appointment yes you should call your therapist. I would suggest giving it an honest effort before you decide to bail. It's so early on you just dont know what she might be able to help you with. You definitely dont know what your relationship will be like. By not continuing therapy you are walling yourself off from the help you may need.

Hope this was helpful.

Yes my county is involved. I am not sectioned to do individual therapy, but I do have to accept services otherwise.(psychiatrist, caseworker, Psych nurse) And those services are forcing the therapy on me. It's not that I don't want to get better, but it's just too much work. Mostly I just want to sit in a hole and die. That'd be nice.

[DelusionsDaily]

Your right therapy is work but it's a healthy kinda work. Obviously Im not a professional but I really think you should give it a try. Not to say your quality of life is bad but if your desire is to sit in a hole until you die maybe this therapiat can you help you build a better quality of life for yourself so you will see more to live for. Therapy has definitely helped me improve my life so I saw more to live for. I am not familiar with all the workings of government involvement so I cant help you there.

Just consider the idea...

Lydia, there is a reason they require us to have appointments set up before we can leave the hospital (I know; I've been there many times.) We need the support and services that a T and a Pdoc provide. It is important to have those people to stay in constant touch with. They can monitor our progress, and heaven forbid we deteriorate, they are often the first to realize it and can get us to the care we need. Recovering from an episode that is severe enough to require hospitalization can take several months. I know you feel lousy right now. I understand that, really I do. But right now you need to do what is needed to keep you safe and stable, and going to a T and a Pdoc are pretty essential. Sometimes what is best is not what we really want to do, but we have to do it anyway.

Hi LydiaB! I just wanted to say that I recently got a puppy for some company and to motivate me to get up and out of the house. Unfortunately it's not going as well as I thought and I'm really struggling with feeling that I'm not a good enough Mum for him. The only comfort I get is when he's snuggling close for a cuddle and I think that maybe he loves me, flaws and all, and I think that love is the most important thing really - I love him and he loves me I hope you can concentrate on how much your dog loves you and give yourself a break.

All the best,

*Willow*