[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I need a therapist! I don't know how! I don't have medical and I'm not sure if the community has many options for cheap or free t's since it's such a small town but I need one. I am doing well on my own. I am doing very well considering what has been happening but I feel the progress slipping. I know I've made a wrong turn, I know somewhere I am doing things terribly wrong and I need to fix it. I need knowledgable outside eyes and ears to help me put the pieces of my life back together. I've done so well without therapy for the last 2 years. SO well... But now I need to go back...

I have no car. My boyfriend knows of my history and my mental disorders but he told me when I told him those things he thought I was making it up or exaggerating. I was not. I tell him that but he doesn't comprehend it and he is one of those "If you're unhappy it's because you're unhappy with me not with yourself" and his whole family they are the hush hush people where very few mental problems get noticed or spoken of. If I had a therapist I would have to go directly through my boyfriend to be able to go. I would have to have a ride there... But he doesn't get why. I don't want him to think there are any troubles in the relationship because it is perfect the way it is, I am very happy with him... But I don't know how to tell him I need help!

I've been in and out of therapy for 10 years. I've always been the one to ask for help before it was given. I willingly was admitted into a hospital at 15, my idea. I asked for help when it was too much. But now I can't ask for help, I don't know how. I don't know what's changed where I am afraid to ask for help now... I don't know what to do but there is a void. I need a therapist... I need a non judgmental non biased person to talk to that understands the complexities of the mind. I'm far from SI or suicide or anything of that sort but I need more understanding, or I'm going to fall back down! My progress is too important to me to let it slip, I just don't know how to ask for help... How to tell him I need help...

[beautiful.mess]

Is there a way a friend or relative could take you to therapy (once you were to establish a therapist to see)? Even if you had to give them money for gas; it's better than nothing. It's not right that you need "permission" from ANYONE to get the help you need!

Or sit down with your boyfriend and explain to him what you just explained here? FWIW, my dh doesn't "get it" either. His family doesn't talk about mental illness either; like it's taboo or something. But even though he doesn't fully get it, he knows that to me, in MY world, it's important. So that's the part that is important to him, kwim? Would your bf be more understanding if you explained it that way?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

He might be beautiful. He is very understanding. He knows that I'm not just a one track thinker. I've never really been able to talk to anyone else about the things that go on in my mind, but with him I'm an open book. It's so easy to talk to him. But since he made the comment that he thought I was just "exxagerating" it kind of has made me close up a little more. He says everything is "normal"... I hate that word sometimes. Because I do wish, sometimes, to just be normal but I know I'm not. But most of the time I'm happy I'm not normal and it upsets me and makes me feel as if someone is discrediting my unique spirit and mind. He doesn't make me feel that way but others in my past have and it's frustrating to still hear it. It's not normal to feel your soul slip from your body. It's not normal to lose control of your leg and arm movement in a dissociative state, it's not normal to have multiple anxiety attacks in one day, it isn't normal to have your mind leave your body... So many things are NOT normal but I guess he just wants me to be happy and healthy and since he can't fix me he wants to believe there is nothing to fix... That's my guess...

I wish I had family or even friends here but I'm not a social person. I can be a social butterfly but I have lost all desire to make friendships or connections with others. I get lonely sometimes and wish I had a friend but mostly, I just don't like others company. Most people are too superficial and too afraid to see outside the box. Please do not take this as me being misanthropic, I do love the world, and every single being in it, I wish no ill will on anyone, I just do not have the desire to surround myself with false beliefs and false words and people who hide who they really are.

The only family I have here is my psycho grandmother... OK that's not nice to say I know but this woman is something else. And I can not speak to her because my "aunt" is one of my abusers that I cut out of my life a year ago... She's been a terrible influence in my life, in such a negative way. She's tried to ruin me out of jealousy my entire life and I finally freed myself of her last year and my grandmother continues to speak to my "aunt" (who is only 1 year older than me) of everything I tell her and then my aunt turns around and goes to my daughters father and blows it all out of proportion and stirrs up SO much drama. The last time this happened my boyfriend went to jail because of this. So I have no family to turn to out here for this help.

I guess I should talk to my boyfriend about it. He does love me. If I can find a way to let him know it's not him why I need to go it's just me... He said before that he didn't think I could go a day without talking about my childhood, my past... He has to realize that is because I am still struggling to cope with the horror of it right? Maybe I can explain this to him... Any tips on how to tell a significant other that you need therapy would be greatly appreciated!

[beautiful.mess]

Wow. What you said....everything you said.....I can completely relate to it all. I mean, I'm constantly amazed at how I can come here and find other people who are going through the same things as I am; it makes me feel like more "normal" (I hate that word too btw!).

Well, it seems like all you have is your boyfriend. I'd have a heart to heart with him, as best as I could. I'm really good at writing letters and then reading them aloud, so I don't lose my focus and this way, he has a tangible copy to read over again. I'd tell him what I was afraid of (losing his love and acceptance, him thinking I was off my rocker for real, him not helping me, etc), all of my personal insight to my problems/issues that I have (like what you expressed in your posts) and how hard it is to ask for help on top of all of that. I'd reassure him that it's not his fault, that he did nothing wrong, that it's not a relationship issue but a rather a personal one, and that it's not up to him to "fix" me. I'd remind him that no matter what, I still love him and no amount of therapy will hurt that; in fact, if therapy helps me to be a better version of myself, then it's really opening me up to giving and receiving MORE love. I'd finally tell him that I am going to find a way to get the therapy I need with or without him BUT!!! it would be so helpful to me if he was there to support me. Tell him you WANT and NEED him and his support, but that the option of not getting therapy is really not an option at all. I would dig my heals in and not take "no" for an answer. This realistically, may take more than one conversation to get him to understand. That's OK. Better late than never; some people need some time to "digest" this.

You know, men by default LOVE to help and actively need to DO something for us and our problems to feel useful. This in turn, tells him that you love him when you accept his help. Tell him that his driving you to therapy and supporting you by keeping an open mind, not being judgmental about your treatment, and giving you lots of non-sexual hugs is the best "help" he can give.

Good luck with telling him; please repost with an update if you can/want to. I hope he is understanding and that you are able to get to therapy.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I will try to have the talk with him on Monday. Tomorrow is his birthday and I don't want anything other than happiness and fun tomorrow for him. But thank you so much for the advice, it was heard and very good advice. I think I will do just what you said to do, thank you I will post in a couple days after he and I have the talk... It gives me a little time to think over exactly what to say as well!

Thank you again

[beautiful.mess]

You're welcome. I really do hope the best for you; I know how important getting this help is. YOU CAN DO IT.

Have a good day tomorrow with him on his B-Day.

[Perna]

I've done online, e-mail, work a few times, for specific incidences/reasons. Maybe you could start online, it's often less expensive. One person I corresponded with had a office, not that near me but I could have gotten there occasionally if I'd wanted to.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...y-is-effective

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Psychotherapy/Online/