[vanessaG]

So as u all know I've been seeing this psychologist for about 2 months now....sometimes I like him other times eh...not so much

Soooo upon doing some Internet research I found this clinic of graduate students fully supervised by psychologists of course. I went today and spoke to a student therapist and it was soooo great! In the 90 min we spent talking I got into SO many of my issues and idk it was was more fulfilling than the 12 I've had with psychologist guy! They charge 25 hr!!

I didn't tell neither one I was seeing either! They said they r going to review my case and see if they can help and if so I'll start weekly therapy appts

I'm still gonna keep psychologist guy around for now I guess. I'm hoping he's just takin it slow....we'll see.

Wow I'm a therapist cheater!!

[SoupDragon]

I almost did this once - it seemed a really logical idea - so that the issues I had with my T, that I couldn't talk about, I could talk about with another T.

I posted about it on here somewhere.

The general feedback was that this wasn't a good idea, although not everyone thought that way - but I do think those who had one than one T were open about this with both T's.

Good to hear that you were able to be so open with this new T. Have you thought why that is?

[vanessaG]

Oh really?

I really felt I could open up to her because she seemed so genuine, seemed to care! And just got me. Gave great feedback and asked the right questions to get me to go deeper. She really did seem to care.

My psychologist. Well he is like ya watever, here's wat u need to do. He was okay in a crises, but day to day he seems like I'm boring him and he could give a rats ***! I'm another paycheck. And no, I don't feel he cares AT ALL

trust yourself!

[capecodfish]

In some instances, having multiple treatment providers can lead to automatic termination.

I would wait and see if the clinic is going to accept you and take a break from the other guy. If the clinic accepts you, you can then have your records transferred, if necessary.

Interesting you see what you do as cheating.

[Perna]

Been there, done that; it didn't work very well at all for me because I was so busy trying to separate what I told each and ended up divided and worried (what one would think about the other). I finally told my main professional and she asked me to quit the other and I did and was glad I did it that way.

If you really like the student and they want to work with you; tell your professional and terminate with that T; get your whole heart one place or the other.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

Oh really?

I really felt I could open up to her because she seemed so genuine, seemed to care! And just got me. Gave great feedback and asked the right questions to get me to go deeper. She really did seem to care.

My psychologist. Well he is like ya watever, here's wat u need to do. He was okay in a crises, but day to day he seems like I'm boring him and he could give a rats ***! I'm another paycheck. And no, I don't feel he cares AT ALL

so, why not terminate with him (in the event that the review of your case goes in your favor) and start with the student? why keep someone around that you dont believe cares?

[unaluna]

The problem with student therapists is that they don't stick around very long? ie two years might be the max? but I DO love their enthusiasm and their knowledge seems so fresh and pretty wide ranging. we had a thread recently about younger therapists, where a lot of people were negative, so I am happy to see you had a good experience.

[(JD)]

I'm glad you feel heard. You're right in the idea along the lines of cheating though, because you and your current T have invested a lot of time and energy into that therapeutic relationship, and instead of discussing what more you needed, you went elsewhere. It could be indicative of your issues, actually. Maybe when you get close to a situation you bail, and the aspect of someone new gives you a thrill? Or that you need to feel in control and you can't control your current therapist anymore, so you find someone you can? Or that you weren't able to open up to your current T and so out of spite decided to find someone else who doesn't know you, so you could share? It may be none of those scenarios.

I would advise you to fully discuss this with your current T. You have every right to change therapists. You don't need to complicate your therapy, nor to blow it up entirely, by "cheating" or leaving when the going gets tough. Therapy IS work. You should feel heard but not necessarily elated when leaving the session. But see both at the same time for the same issues? Nope. That's just not the way therapy works and you owe it to the T that has done hours and hours of treatment planning for you, to share your thoughts behind your actions.

Good wishes.

[stopdog]

I saw two therapists at the same time for almost a year and they did not know about each other. I kept planning on choosing one, but it did not happen until I decided to quit the one for other reasons. I did not find it to be a problem for me nor did I feel I "owed" either anything other than their fee. I may see two again at the same time. I like comparing the different approaches and it semed to make me calmer.

I have never heard a reason I found compelling for not seeing two at the same time as long as one is not trying to play them off of each other.

Its not cheating. Its exploring your options! I'm actually contemplating the same thing. Maybe seeing a Cognitive Behavior Therapist in addition to my 'way to easy going and nice" Psycho-Dynamic Therapist.

[nannypat]

I do see a cognitive therapist along with my regular T and they make a good team. Both have permission to talk to each other and my regular T is also my p/doc so he can get feed back on how meds are working or not from another viewpoint. Works well for me.

[vanessaG]

All good points.
Thanks soooo much. I have appt w/ psychologist guy early next week.

I LOVE the student therapist but am worried about letting go the 'old guy' because
A. They are going to call me next wk to tell me if they can help me and idk of ShE will be the one doing my reg. therapy.
B. After session 3, they re-evualuAte and see If they are a good match for the client. That worries me because if I drop old man and then clinic decides oh we can't help u the way you needed to be helped, here's some referrals I'm screwed.

Maybe I'll just TRY & bring it up to psychologist man. I mean he HAS been working with me for quite a few sessions but now that I got a taste of the student therapy I can give him some feedback of what I NEed from him...

Ahhhh hopefully this goes ok! Yet another pickle I got myself into!!

Originally Posted by vanessaG

Maybe I'll just TRY & bring it up to psychologist man. I mean he HAS been working with me for quite a few sessions but now that I got a taste of the student therapy I can give him some feedback of what I NEed from him.

I think that the more you are able to speak honestly with your therapist the better off you are. I suspect that this (if you can raise it) will give you some useful feedback about yourself and/or your therapy. If psychologist man is worth his salt, he should be able to hear what you are saying was so helpful to you and reflect upon it, as in saying something like, "I could understand why you felt very supported in with her." Maybe he could explore with you why this student T might be a good fit and you would be doing nothing wrong by telling him about this and seeing what he has to say. I think that you could come away from this discussion with a better idea of what you want for yourself and how you can best get it.

Anne

[CantExplain]

When my therapist thought I had gone to another therapist behind her back she was furious. This is the closest she has ever got to dumping me.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

When my therapist thought I had gone to another therapist behind her back she was furious. This is the closest she has ever got to dumping me.

Did she tell you why? Did she view it as behind her back or did you?

[lastyearisblank]

I feel like this is a vast overgeneralization, but Ts are people too, and nobody likes feeling they are second best!! I think it is kind of possible that if you tell a therapist you are seeing another therapist, they will get angry. It depends on the T's personality but that's just human, right. Re: who to pick, nobody can tell you the right one to choose, neither the old T, nor the new T has the answer to that, you should listen to your gut. And I agree with Anne that talking about the switch could be useful--- but it might be more useful to have that conversation with the T you want to keep going to instead of the one you stop seeing.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

All good points. A. They are going to call me next wk to tell me if they can help me and idk of ShE will be the one doing my reg. therapy.
B. After session 3, they re-evualuAte and see If they are a good match for the client. That worries me because if I drop old man and then clinic decides oh we can't help u the way you needed to be helped, here's some referrals I'm screwed.

To avoid seeing two at once, you can just take a break from the psychologist for a couple of weeks until you hear from the clinic. You can just tell him you are very busy and can't fit him in. Then when you hear from the clinic, you can make your decision without being in this uncomfortable situation of seeing two at once. At the very least, if clinic says "no", you can then get referrals from the psychologist. It sounds like it is not helpful to stay with him no matter what. You just aren't comfortable terminating with him yet until you know if you can stay with the clinic. I say do yourself a favor and don't cause yourself further angst over this--put the psych on hold until you hear back. Good luck.

[(JD)]

IMNSHPAPO I think you should drop the current T anyway. You don't respect him (i.e. you call him the "old man" and you consider yourself cheating on him, and you are seeking someone else to give you the therapy you want, not what the T is providing). I think that relationship is done and there will not be any trust there --for a long time if ever.

So take your medicine. But at least discuss this with the current T. That's the adult thing to do. You are taking your therapy treatment path into your own hand, a big step, so surely you can tell the current T respectfully.

I will say this only this one more time here: It is not a personal consideration by a current T to "demand" you see only one therapist at a time. It's good therapeutic practice that some might not understand. If a T shows anger, then it's because they are concerned for YOU, not having hurt feelings because of what you did. It's cowardly and unprofessional to do an end run in such secret.

I personally worry about what the current T is helping you with that you had to run away. I wish you well with your new course of therapy, and hope it works for you, or that if it doesn't you realize it quickly so you can get back on track to heal. I truly wish you well.

[skysblue]

A few months ago I saw a somatic T while I was also seeing my own T. I told her about it. I think at first she thought I was doing it because I was dissatisfied with her. She didn't say it outright but there was a comment. I told her I just needed some extra practice with body awareness in regards to emotions. And I only planned on seeing somatic T for a short time and we met only 3x.

This week I told my T that I had been toying with the idea of finding another T to talk about something very sensitive. She asked why. I said, "I want to talk to someone who doesn't know me and if they're disgusted with me it won't be so hurtful. But if i bring up this terrible thing, I can't bear to know that you're disgusted with me."

She was great with my confession of wanting to talk to a different T. As it turned out, I shared with her my disgusting story and she wasn't appalled at all.

So, I get the desire to see more than one T but I would never want to keep it a secret. My wish is that I am able to be completely honest with my T and not need to have secrets or hold back in any way.

Seeing another T in secret would be so dishonest and secretive. Of course, anyone has the right to do that. But, how can there be a good therapeutic relationship with secrets and how can healing take place with secrets?

Originally Posted by skysblue

But, how can there be a good therapeutic relationship with secrets and how can healing take place with secrets?

I think the answer is that it can't. This topic has been discussed on this board before, and in fact, when I googled "I am seeing two therapists", the results included a couple of other psych/therapy boards where the same questions have been asked and the same excuses for doing it have been offered. I've seen people claiming that just because therapists say it can't be done, doesn't mean that it can't be helpful to someone. However, I haven't seen any evidence where someone comes forward and claims that this approach (as opposed to a teamwork approach where everyone knows about it) has been helpful to anyone at anytime.

If other intimate relationships, such as marriages/partnerships are any guide, those who are into polygamy argue that it only works if people are honest with each other. I could personally believe that just about any kind of relationship could work for anyone, as different as we all are, but I've never heard anyone suggest that dishonesty is the root of positive relationships of any kind.

Anne

[skysblue]

And the wording of the thread is "I cheated on my therapist". That says a lot...

[stopdog]

I do not see having two or more of them as cheating. Nor do I think of it as a big secret or any thing like that. I also do not believe they must know about each other. If it works for you, have at it. Just because you do not tell them does make it a secret. It probably just has had no reason to come up. Take from each of them what can help you. You pay them, that is the only obligation to them.

[stopdog]

Here is link to a funny video on the topic: