I went back to t. It did not go well.

I tried again with the t I quit a month ago. It went very badly..Dealing with her is like a battle over my soul. I very much wanted it to go well, but there was nothing.

And I think this is exactly how you see it........

I'm sorry it didn't go well. What's your next step?

SI WARNING
It really is how it seemed to me.i tried to find ways around it, but nothing at every turn. I broke my hand after I left yesterday. It was the only way to end the frustrated rage I had. It was a weekly problem.

I will see the newer one. I do not leave her office in frustration and and enraged weekly and she explains things as well as admiting mistakes. The first one would never apologize or admit she had ever made a mistake.

((((((((((((((((((((( stopdog ))))))))))))))))))))))

do you have a pastor, or a GP, or a pdoc you can talk to more easily, to let out some of this? I'm sorry you're hurting.

Please see the newer one. And please above all, take care of your hand!!! I am thinking of you today...and sending blessings your way.

I am so sorry...................

OUCH! That sounds so painful, literally and metaphorically.

Be gentle with you

Hey stopdog, sorry you had such a hard time - I get the SI thing and how it works in getting rid of the feelings.

Please take care of you though - SI is not the only way to get rid of feelings, although it may be the most familiar and readily available to some of us.

I think if that T triggers your feelings to that overwhelming state, then you are right to seek out another T who may be less triggering for you.

I also think you were really brave to give it another go with that T - hope the new one is a better fit for you.

Soup

I really wanted to make it end better. In the end I could not get past the deliberate humiliation.

I am so sorry that it did not end well. But perhaps there is some relief involved. I'm most worried about the injury and would like some sense that you are taking care of that. So...keep us posted.

In terms of the humiliation, is that fading at all? Making an exit for your own safety reasons, if you're feeling that overwhelmed is kind of a wise thing....to pull the rip cord. I have done that too, and likely will do it again.

I do want to add that I think we do things when we are ready. I felt so overwhelmed (and UNREADY) with cold, distant T....so it is NOT JUST YOU!

You may even circle back to some understanding about this. OR NOT!

sometimes it's wise to cut our losses and leave. Blessings to you MCL

The hand will heal. It was too swollen and they don't do much for the broken hand bones really. It is all taped up. It did not really hurt for awhile after I did it, which is not that unusual. I tried several things for several hours to avoid it, including calling the t to try to get clarification and take back some control, but in the end, the rage and frustration were too overwhelming.

The sense of humiliation is still over the top. I kept trying to talk about it, but all she would do is defensively deny the motive - not the act - she always admitted the act. All I wanted was an apology and all she would ever do is say she was kidding so I could not have been humiliated. And I still want to go back again to try to get her to see what I meant. How crazy is that?

this is a mystery.
"I didn't mean to break your arm, I was just clowning around; therefore it could not be broken."
"When I assaulted you, I never spent one second wondering how you would feel about that - so you could not have been traumatized".

whenever you go back, can you put it to her in those terms? Makes no sense to me.

I felt exactly like this once.

Without an anaesthetic, it is easy to forget the surgeon is trying to help you.

And I still want to make her listen to me. I am so angry that she would never listen to me

My group facilitator once compared me to Hitler. The next session he made a jibe about my weight. He is a thoughtless clumsy oaf. But he was sincerely trying to help me. And I think he can.

I'm trying to discount his rudeness and concentrate on the message.

It's so much easier sitting this end of the computer - you know from my posts that I am really stuggling myself just now and for me the confusion continues.

However I know the nice bit of my T would tell me to be interested in my feelings and I wonder therefore if it is worth trying to think why the fact that she won't listen to you makes you so angry. Don't get me wrong, I am not judging you feeling that way, I would feel the same - but I guess this therapy stuff is not just about the hour we spend with T, but it is about what we can learn about ourselves in our general life - why we feel / think this or that - for then I guess we can start to have some power over our feelings.

To me this T sounds really gamey and although she may have evidenced based motives for that - I know I need clairty in those sessions - I have such a fragile sense of trust that at least right now, I need to know that I am going to leave those sessions feeling safe. Conversely I also know I am likely to learn the most about myself when I am a little triggered - like "what happens when we push this button here - oh that does, that's interesting. I wonder if we can rewire it slightly or put something in place to tone it down a bit".

Not sure if I am making any sense - but just wanted to say that I really know that confusion and wanting to be properly heard, understood and respected. I think there is a time and place for the challenges to be made and for us to learn to take them on the chin (rather than the hand!) - but there is also a real need to treat us gently.

Take care stopdog - Soup

Stopdog, I believe that the way that we see things can have a major influence on what transpires. Projection and transference are the terms.

Would those things only happen with the one t but not the other one?

I think they could...sometimes, at least for me, some people bring my "issues" to the fore and others do not. For example, I've had two wretched bosses in the last two years. However, one of them --an icy and incompetent woman-- completely pushed my buttons and we ended up crossing swords all the time. The other one-- an affable but incompetent guy--bugs me from time to time in a low-grade way, but mostly we get along really well. Transference from my "mom" issues was at work with Lady Boss, while the Guy Boss and I are ticking along quite nicely. Chemistry? Transference? Projection? I'm not in therapy with either of them, but I could imagine if Lady Boss was my T...I would be (more) out of my mind than I am at present.

I've concluded that if the chemistry doesn't work in therapy ...I'm outta there! I've had some bitter, ugly expensive lessons lately, and I'm learning to trust my instincts in a big way!

I have an appointment to go back. I hope I do a better job of explaining and she does a better job of listening.
Are they supposed to help with extreme negative transference?

I think so. The one T might trigger things for you. Does she remind you of anyone IRL?

What if you 2 can't make it work better though?

Stopdog, when is your next appointment? Who do you think is experiencing the negative transference, you or her...or both?

I know little about your relationship with your former T, but from the posts I have read....could this be about CONTROL?

When I recently terminated my last T, I took a brief note in to help me begin.

I said something like the session had the potential of being incredibly healing or incredibly disastrous. I hoped he recognized the HUGE risk it was for me to be there. I wanted to discuss our previous meeting and how it made me feel afterwards. I then asked if we could talk about all these things in a safe way? If I could share how I experienced it? If we could spend the last few minutes talking about the MANY things we did right?

Do you think it might be helpful for you and help keep you focused enough so that from the very beginning, your T and you are focused on what you need.

Except that it wasn't a physical assault, it was something the T said. In the 80's (my expression for the day, apparently), it wasn't kosher to say, "You humiliated me", right? We were trained to use non-accusatory "I" statements - "I feel humiliated when you say X". Then the person who said the X responds. Stopdog, can the incident be looked or reprocessed at in this light?