[RecoveringSurvivor]

I have had an excellent relationship with my therapist and I have made more progress with him in 6 months than any other mental health professional over the last 8 years.

We mainly talk about my sex addiction (I am a woman.)
I went in today for a regular session and I became full of fear. I have been sexually assaulted several times and I became terrified he would also do this. My feeling unsafe was not provoked by any inappropriate behavior.

He noticed immediately my discomfort and said I was highly dissociating. I couldn't think, let alone concentrate-- out of body. I felt completely helpless as he questioned me, as if any moment he was going to attack me. I told him i was uncomfortable but didn't get too specific. I started to cry. Leaving, I had a panic attack and was easily startled by noises and other cars.

He said I might be experiencing transference but I do not have feelings for him. I am scared to go back!

Did our sexual topic trigger a past trauma, causing projection?
Is my fear founded?
I feel crazy! Please, help

[laceylu]

Maybe body memories because your mind did not save the trauma you experienced. This site may help you as a distraction at least, it really helped me understand trauma.
http://www.rossinst.com/treating_trauma_disorders.html

[Dr.Muffin]

your comfort with him might have triggered that "any minute now" reaction in your body. generally, when we are attacked (sexually or otherwise) it's at a time when we are least expecting it...which is part of what makes it traumatic.

it's likely really difficult for you to relax and maybe trusting him and letting your guard down has triggered a self-protective reaction.

is there anything you might be able to do to feel more protected, so that you can start talking about whats going on? like, bring someone you trust with you to session or change the positioning so you feel like you could bolt from the room if you needed to?

I don't think you are crazy, at least not more crazy than any of the rest of us who have been sexually assaulted, especially more than once. If you have a trauma history, then you are going to experience difficulty with being triggered by events and/or people that actually or symbolically remind you of what happened to you. What you experienced is totally normal. I am sorry, though, cause I know it stinks to feel that way.

I think that you are right, that you were triggered. Something he said or something your T did, perhaps as simple as his tone of voice in combination with a tiny hand movement (as an example). Can you pinpoint what happened just before you felt so much fear?

Anne

[Omers]

Yeh, sounds like you triggered. Bringing someone with you may help or giving him a call and letting him know you were triggered may help too.
I hate the word transference. I think a lot of T's use it as an excuse. Blech!
With your history and what you are working on it seems pretty "normal" that at some point you would get really scared. I'm sorry he didn't better help you get grounded before sending you off.

[CantExplain]

You were alone with a man. That might be trigger enough.

This is a HUGE challenge but also a HUGE opportunity: a chance to be alone with a man who is NOT going to have sex with you, a chance to build a lasting, nonsexual relationship with a man.

As a self-described "sex addict", isn't that exactly what you want to learn?