So, maybe I should introduce myself? I posted an intro in the section for doing that, but I'm not sure how many people read those.

Anyway, I'm in my mid forties and grew up in a very abusive household. My mom made no secret about the fact that she never wanted me and didn't particularly like me. My dad loved me, but seemed unable to stand up to my mom or protect me, and was abusive himself at times. He also told me shortly before he died a few weeks ago, that my mom would beat me more if he showed any affection for me, so mostly he didn't.

I started therapy about a year ago at the urging of my mother in law. I had been depressed for a really long time and she kept telling me I didn't have to feel that way forever, and I should see her therapist. I had tried literally more than 20 different anti-depressants and combos of anti-depressants with no relief and really thought there was nothing wrong with my life and therefore a therapist could not possibly help. I ended up going anyway because I was desperate. And therapy was really, really helpful, however, the whole therapy relationship feel bizarre, and I started lurking around this forum to read other people's experiences with it.

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading!

[mcl6136]

Thanks for writing. I am the one who wrote the "I dislike people who don't do therapy" rant so it's good to hear it has been really helpful (has been for me too I'm just cranky today).

It does help to read what other people's experiences with the whole "experience" have been. Has helped me enormously!

Kathryn

[pbutton]

Welcome! I am glad that your therapy is helping. I usually feel that way myself.

Welcome!!

[bluemountains]

Welcome! I'm pretty new myself, but I've received much encouragement here!

Our pasts are similar-I, too, suffered abuse as a child, but it was sexual abuse (brother) and neglect from alcoholic parents. I've been on meds for a while, but recently added therapy to deal with the issues that meds don't help with.

I'm looking forward to your input!

[Nelliecat]

Welcome!!

Nelliecat

[FourRedheads]

Hello and welcome to PC!

I'm glad you've introduced yourself. It's a friendly bunch here and you'll receive lots of support.

I didn't grow up in an abusive home but I did leave an abusive marriage to give my kids a chance at a better life.

[FourRedheads]

Forgot to add: I love your user name! My kids are pretty cool, too.

[granite1]

hi and welcome

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by pbutton

.....I am glad that your therapy is helping. I usually feel that way myself.

oooo that rang a bell!!

Welcome to PC, MKAC !

[lastyearisblank]

Welcome!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

He also told me shortly before he died a few weeks ago, that my mom would beat me more if he showed any affection for me, so mostly he didn't.

OMG, I've always kind of suspected a kind of weird collusion, as you describe here, because what other explanation is there? It seemed like my dad would LOOK at me across the dining room table sometimes... thank you so much for sharing this. I can't believe he told you this before he passed! He must have felt horrible, guilty about abandoning you to be bullied by her, but he was also bullied by her. My pdoc repeatedly asked me how did my mother come to have so much power? By dad abdicating, as yours did. No wonder you feel you know us. But no one has ever brought us this news before. I want to say, not as a joke, I mean it sincerely but it does sound kind of funny - he couldn't have told you sooner?! It could have helped. But at least in the end he did. Wow.

Welcome! Hope you find this place helpful, I know I do. Look forward to reading your posts

Originally Posted by hankster

OMG, I've always kind of suspected a kind of weird collusion, as you describe here, because what other explanation is there? It seemed like my dad would LOOK at me across the dining room table sometimes... thank you so much for sharing this. I can't believe he told you this before he passed! He must have felt horrible, guilty about abandoning you to be bullied by her, but he was also bullied by her. My pdoc repeatedly asked me how did my mother come to have so much power? By dad abdicating, as yours did. No wonder you feel you know us. But no one has ever brought us this news before. I want to say, not as a joke, I mean it sincerely but it does sound kind of funny - he couldn't have told you sooner?! It could have helped. But at least in the end he did. Wow.

We had talked years ago after my first child was born about how abusive he and my mom were. He told me then how very much he regretted how "brutal" they were with us. He apologized then, and for the last 17 years, we've been relatively close. Within the last year, he was actually was trying to stick up for me against my mom and sisters. But, I find myself so angry sometimes wondering why he couldn't have been that way for me when I was growing up -- when I actually needed protecting.

But, I do really feel a connection with the people on this forum. I'm not sure how much I have to contribute, and probably wouldn't have actually joined except for Kaliope's feelings being hurt about people reading the post and replying. lol.

I really and truly appreciate the welcome from everyone! This really is a wonderful group of people.

Welcome, this is a great place to gain support . Wishing you well.