She told me that she can feel that I can't feel anything. Like, I could tell her that I'm okay or not okay or sad or scared or lonely. But these are just words.

I just don't know what to do with what she said. Am I that closed off. Do I really put out that vibe. Of course you all are not in the room with me, so you can't answer perse. I am just thinking out loud. How does one make themselves feel? I'm really struggling with the whole inner-child thing and having compassion.

Guess I am just that closed off. Don't know how to fix it.

I think 'not feeling', or feeling numb, can be part of depression sometimes - or how meds might make you feel, almost like a zombie. I know I have been through stages of it, although I tend to feel more 'disconnected' with a layer of vague discontent

I don't know what you can 'do' with it, I'm not sure how you can 'make' yourself 'feel' anything... maybe this is something T can help you with?

[unaluna]

I think it's kinda nice that she said she could feel that you were not feeling anything. I like that better than what my long term T used to do to me, which was constantly ask me, but what are you FEEEEELING? I always answered wrong. If she knew, why didn't she tell me? It will come in time. When I was growing up, I learned NOT to cry "or else"; not to react, not to SHOW reactions. We're the Tiger Woods of not showing, not feeling our emotions, we've been doing it since the womb, probably. Or the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz - you're just rusty, but you've always had a heart.

[WePow]

When at one of my lowest points, I came up with the phrase "The worst feeling is NOT."

I have since found out it is called emotional numbing. It is something the mind does to protect itself. Just be honest.. even about the non-feeling state.

Thank you for your responses, everyone. I just have myself in a uproar. T asking me what I want to start focusing on in my sessions, is making me feel like she is getting tired of my case. March will be 2 years that I'm in therapy with her. I feel like I am not doing the work that I could/should be doing. I made up a reason to text her today just to connect (which I regret doing now). She didn't respond negatively-as I was just confirming that I can make an appt we scheduled. she responded -no problem. but then Instead of leaving it at that- I went onto text more and I told her In the text that I need my sessions to be structored more, but I also need a little wiggle room. She didn't respond at all to that, but I am not upset about it either. I think I might be transferring a little bit, (Like wishing she were my mom) but I am always so mindful that this is a theraputic relationship-and that there are boundaries. Perhaps that may be something that is holding up my therapy though- Maybe I am spending so much time trying to be mindful that this is a T relationship, that its holding up my trauma processing.

I don't know..I'm just spilling out whats on my mind. Is this all normal thinking?