T called but left no message

Uhgh, what does that mean??? how does one respond to that?? how weird!!!

maybe your T realized s/he selected the wrong number from a list and so didn't leave a message? Or did you call T first?

I called the main office to schedule an appointment (really, I wanted to move my already scheduled appointment to an earlier date because I was in a panic about something). Office wasn't totally covered due to the holiday week. T called me, left a message saying when my appointment was, checking in to see if that was what I was calling about. I called back and left a message, saying I was calling because I panicked about something but that now it was okay and I didn't need to change my appointment time.

Then T called back but didn't leave a message???

Call her back?

Once T called me and I was surprised to see her number. When I answered there was some noise then disconnect. Wha??! So I called her and left a message that about what happened. She called me back right away and said she hadn't called, so we figured her phone's 'redial' button had been pushed without her realizing it.

LOL, you raise the idea of calling her back like it's no big deal.

I don't talk to my T on the phone really...

The few times I've ever done it, I've been mortified. Yikes.

It makes me feel like she thought about calling but then was really ambivalent about it. Like, usually when I call and don't leave a message, it's because I'm not calling about anything important or because I just don't want to call that much. Uhgh.

oh.my.god.i just found my T's facebook page. this was a terrible choice. this was a terrible choice. oh my god what am i going to do

um... is it secret if it's public??? how does this work??? do i have to tell her??

Block her from your FB so you wont be tempted to read more of it.
That is my advice.

It might be that she hit the redial button accidentally. I think a friend of mine did that the other day because the only message I got was music in the background.

Wow, my brain hurts. She won't have any way of knowing if I've blocked her, right? Or if I've seen her page??

You're right. Her call was probably an accident. I'll just try to let it go.

Clearly, my therapist and I are going to communicate about absolutely nothing of value when I see her next, lol.

T: "How are you?"
Skycastle: "FINE."
T: "How was your break? Give me the skycastle play-by-play!"
Skycastle: "I DONT KNOW. IT WAS FINE." (panic-panic-panic oh-my-gosh does-she-know MUST-REVEAL-NOTHING)
((long silence))
Skycastle: So at work I've been busy...
((insert more aimless conversation))
((end))

LOL Your imaginary conversation is way too similar to half my therapy sessions.

Is it possible that she didn't leave a phone message because she wanted to protect your privacy? Lots of T and doctors won't leave detailed messages because someone could be with you when you check your voicemail that you don't want to hear private stuff.

My son left a voicemail for refill of a med and when the office called she said, this is L- and your wish has been fulfilled, it's at the front desk.

As far as I know she wont know that you have seen her page. She wont know that you have blocked her.

once while trying to listen to my voicemail, T accidentally called me. I immediately called her back after she stopped the call, thinking she was returning my call. She answered and admitted she was annoyed with herself for her mistake (because she didn't want to talk to me at that moment).

There was another thread on exactly this subject ("What did I just do!!!???" by harvest_moon).

I think it is foolish and irresponsible for a T to have a Facebook page. Patients are bound to find it. I've looked myself. My T is too sensible to have one.

Why would that be foolish and irresponsible?

so therapists are not supposed to have life like normal people? They are therapists, not FBI agents. In that case being unsearchable makes sense... but a therapist? They still may want to be able to be found by their friends and former classmates and such. They are people like everybody else.

(which makes me wonder if it is stalking if I look at my professors' facebook pages)

You cant see much anyway on the fb page. Only what's meant for public unless they friend u, right? I dont do fb so dont understand
it.

I don't have my personal picture on facebook like most people do because I am a bit paranoid but I love seeing pictures of my 3 year old niece. Most of my facebook friends are my model horse hobby friends so we 'talk horse' a lot.

If one of my patients were to look for my facebook page they'd be bored (unless they liked horses).

If they have a Facebook they have to know their clients are going to look for it. It's natural that we want to know more about the person who knows us so well. Human nature trying to balance out the relationship I suppose. As for the phone call, probably a classic."butt dial".

then you may be as well prepared to see pictures you will wish to "unsee".

I think it's irresponsible if they haven't paid attention to their privacy settings and they have information on there that they wouldn't want their clients to see. (What clients may wish we hadn't seen is a different issue. That's our responsibility if we decide to look. I don't think therapists have a duty to protect clients from themselves outside of the therapy setting if there's something on Facebook that may be uncomfortable for a client to know.)

On the other hand Facebook constantly changing how its privacy settings work is a big pain in the butt, and I would understand if a t had accidentally not kept up to date with it. If I were them I wouldn't post too much. I do think for their own sake therapists have to be a little more careful about managing their public persona than people in some other professions do.

I don't Google my t, but I understand why others may decide they want to. I don't think there's anything unethical about it as long as T has posted something publicly. But I do think you have to evaluate the risk of feeling awkward for having seen something that you become uncomfortable telling your t about later.

What kind of 'secrets' do our T need to protect us from seeing? A picture in a bikini from a recent trip to the beach? Mention of what stores they like to shop? A picture of the T with the significant other? If they are gay does it matter? Religious or political affiliations?

I know enough about my T that I am not curious to learn more. She talked about holding her cat when she couldn't sleep during her divorce, trials of raising kids when her adult daughter moved back in with her, stuff like that usually related to my own experiences. I've met her grand daughter at the office and she was cute.

My former pdoc talked about liking to garden at her house. Her house address was located in the phone book with both her work and home phone numbers. She had already given me the home number and cell. I drove by her house because I wanted to see what her house and gardening looked like. One time. It's not like I was stalking her. I was curious and I don't think there was anything wrong or unhealthy about that.

I don't even have my phone number listed in the directory and would never list my address but was she 'wrong' for listing that so patients could find her house? I think it's her choice. Who am I to say she is irresponsible because her patients would know how to find her? Am I not supposed to know she has a personal life? When I saw my pdoc's mom's obituary in the newspaper I brought her a sympathy card. Is that invading her private life or is it just being human?

Maybe I feel differently because I am so comfortable with my T and pdoc. I've known both for 15+ years. T mentioned my tan looked nice. I told her it was from a bottle and at the next visit I brought her a bottle of the sunless tanner. We are not friends but we are friendly.

Honestly I don't think there is one right answer. People have different levels of comfort and disclosure with their T.

What has anyone learned from reading their T's facebook that they found shocking?

I talked with mine once about things that are out there and she said there's a certain amount of info that's just out there. If people go looking they're going to find stuff. Adjust what you can/want but at some point you just need to be ok with what's accessible.

It seems to me that it's more of a matter of what you as a patient/client can handle vs. invading their privacy. Stalking can go too far, but all of this mentioned so far is publicly accessible.

I've extensively googled, checked up on license status, facebooked, etc. my T but that's normal for me. I check the same plus police records, etc. of anyone I go on a first date with too. I respect that others hold back, but I feel no guilt for having done so.

It is irresponsible for T to have a Facebook page because:
1. Patients feel guilty when they find it.
2. It smashes the very important boundary between therapy and T's private life.

At first, my T wouldn't even tell me she was married. Presumably she thought she had a good reason for that. If she posted pictures of her husband on Facebook, that would be pretty stupid, wouldn't it?

ad no. 1... that is problem of the patient and they need to deal with their feelings.... they can explore them and yadda yadda. But having FB account does not put the patient in danger.

I admit, I did look at FB of my potential employers (needed to know how legit they are) and profesors (had crush on one... and curiousity in other cases...).

I don't think it is terrible thing to do, but if you than feel guilty about it... it is something you should adress, instead of expecting others to accomodate you.

Therapists are not required to share their lifes with clients (because tbh, if I pay my blood and sweat money to somebody, I don't really care about their lifes, unless it is relevant to my case), but it is not that terrible if they do (unless they talk about themselves extensivelly....).


ad 2.... you may have a point here, but it is a googling client who "smashes" the boundary.

Again, therapists are not FBI agents to be required to hide their private lifes. What if you go to a club and see your T dancing the night away? It would be bit surreal, but not boundary crossing, imho.