T double booked me!

I think he was pretty black and white on the issue. My name wasn't in the computer and his was. It wasn't supposed to be like that though I am always there at 4pm on tuesdays. always Oh my gosh he completely knew that I would not take this better than the other person. No way no how. I hope you are right that he didn't mean to hurt me but the problem is he sure did. Thanks for your kind words.

Awe delicate, thanks for such a heartfelt response. It did make me feel a little bit more calm.

Wow. Your T chose to see the wrong person. I'm so sorry. The whole thing blows chunks.

oh (((kacey)))what a major screw upwow you wouldnt leave.you sound so hurt .i dont see how you could have felt any other way and i am so sorry.he is going to have a lot of explaining to do.sending you big big hugs.just wow bad T.

I get why you're upset. My first T didn't believe I had a temper and told me she wanted to see it. Once she showed up 40mins late, the entire office was locked and no other Ts were there so I had to sit in the hallway waiting for her. She showed up and acted like she was shocked to see me. Then once she scheduled me on a day and I had apparently written a different day down. She was upset with me and charged me.

My current T, she knows I have a 6p every Wednesday night. She puts me in several weeks in advance because she knows if she doesn't the receptionist will assume I can't make it and will book it for her. It's a popular time slot. I'm going through a rough patch and she went on vacation, and my time slot was taken for the following week (tomorrow night). She apologized several times and told me she will call for any cancellations during this week and even offered to stay later and give me an 8p appt if I wanted.

My point? Maybe this person was in a crisis, or your T had other things on his plate or whatever. Be mad, vent, throw something (of his) away and move on. It sucks. It's sh*tty, but what *if* you unknowingly took someone else' time slot and the other person acted like a giant toddler?! We're all imperfect humans-- some more than others.

You certainly broke the rules, but on the other hand, you didn't do anything T couldn't forgive you for.

I can relate to that! But I'm pretty sure I wanted to be punished.

Hmmm... My mother punished me a lot. And whatever Mum does is love, right? I came into therapy with a subconscious belief that punishment = love.

I've been double booked before too, I had to sit in the waiting room for 50 minutes while she saw him first. Listening to them laughing, thinking I hardly ever make her laugh, no wonder she saw him first

Unpleasant.

On the flip side, my t double booked me one time. It was my regular appointment and he saw me instead of the other person.

He took the other client to his office for a moment and I could hear her shouting at him through the door.

She came out crying and looked at me and yelled "well, I guess you won!" and stormed out.

I felt terrible.

Now, if he had an obligation to see her for whatever reason, and I had gotten bumped, I would have felt very hurt too.

There are always two, sometimes three or four, sides to every coin and developing the skills to see those sides, absorb the disappointment and talk about it are important things to acquire.

I'm sure you're on your way to that, and perhaps it might help to look at this event as an opportunity to learn? Extend past your hurt and into some understanding maybe?

Having said all that, one of my all time favorite scenes in the TV series "In treatment" is when the therapist is late for an appointment and the client had to stand outside in the cold waiting. When he finally arrives, and starts climbing the stairs to his office, she follows, but pours her scalding hot latte into one his plants. Hilarious!

Oh wow, I would be seriously put out if my appointment time was double booked and yes I probably would respond with some kind of show of anger. I completely get where you're coming from!

Hope it works itself out

IME, exes tend not to be excellent sources of information about people. The reality is that you don't really know about the state of another client's attachment to your T or what his schedule currently is.

Even if you were correct about all the things you think you know, your behavior of "claiming" your T's office was really entitled and inconsiderate of his other client as well as your T. If I had to have my appointment in an office that wasn't his, because of some angry client who was squatting in it and refusing to leave, it would be a weird session. The new environment would be unsettling and I'd be wondering and worrying about the other person. Did you ever consider the effect you had on the other person?

Anne

One time the client before me showed up at my time by mistake (her mistake). She got upset w/the receptionist, waited for T to come out (to get me), got mad at him, yelled for a bit, and stormed out.

I had a panic attack because it was so upsetting for me to sit and watch that.

My T has double booked me about a dozen times. It doesn't feel good, especially when I have really felt a strong need to talk to T that day. A few times, T chose me to get the appointment time and the other client had to leave. A few times, I was the one who had to leave. I don't know how T chooses. One time when this happened T and I discussed how he was going to prevent double booking from happening in the future. He just gets very sloppy with his scheduling sometimes, and I wanted him to tell me how he was going to do better. He had some ideas and shared them with me.

Earlier this week, T failed to show up on time for my appointment. He eventually called and told me he would arrive 45 minutes after our scheduled starting time, and he offered me a shorter appointment beginning at that time. I seemed to agree but after we hung up I decided I didn't want to accept his offer and left. I had a ton to do that day and it just wasn't worth it to me. I did leave him a voice message saying I had decided to leave. It was pretty frustrating, so I know how it feels to not be able to depend on one's T.

And so how to make them accountable. For many, if the client misses the appointment or cancels at the last minute, the t sends them a bill. What consequence to the therapist for their lack of consideration about their client's time if not emotional well being?

I mean, you say it was inappropriate and hello, we're all in therapy, right?

But I can't get over you kicking your therapist out of his own office

Actually I was just sitting, no need to squat.

Also my t has said that I am his most attached client. I do know that this other person does not have a full time job like myself. In fact he doesn't work at all. These are facts not just my skewed reality.

I did say that I wasn't leaving because it was my appointment time and t said I believe you, I will just have to find a new office then. And he did. And to tell you the truth I in that moment I could really have cared less how that client's appointment went. I am sure you wouldn't have sat there a thought "oh I hope their session goes well." I hope he is comfortable and feels safe for his appointment. Granted he had to be in another office but at least he got to see t. I wouldn't care if we had to meet in the parking lot if it meant I was the one who didn't have to have the session cancelled. You say you would do such and such but do you really know that you wouldn't resort to emotional mind like I did? You don't really know what your behavior would have been. Therapy brings out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thanks for your opinion I just don't really think we will see eye to eye on this.

Okay I'm just going to say this, but I am really shocked that an adult would act like this. I know that therapy is tough and that you are attached to your T, but forcing him to leave his office and throwing away the putty you bought him is just not okay.

We are adults. Adults do not act that way. You need to be understanding, even of your T. There was a mistake made. Mistakes happen, so you come back the next time and you tell him how it made you feel, you shouldn't act out like that.

You said you didn't even consider the other client. Maybe me and you are different, maybe we have different goals in mind, but I could NEVER be so selfish as to not consider another client. I was extremely attached to my old therapist and I gladly gave away time slots on a few occasions, because I was concerned about his other clients really needing immediate help. Did I want to be with him? I did. Did I want to spill my guts? I did. But someone else needed him more then me, and I didn't need to know why.

I'm not quite attached to my new therapist, so maybe I'm not coming from the same spot. But if I got double booked I would hand over the slot to the other person in 2 seconds flat. I have formed supports outside of therapy that could balance me for a week.

You're in therapy. I assume that means you want to get better. So part of getting better is learning to balance everything. You've been with him for six years? Maybe you need a new T. One that doesn't allow you to act this way.

NO 3 1/2 years. You certainly have had problems with your old t yourself. Isn't that why you are with a new t? I didn't throw stones at you!

No I dropped my T after 3 years because we were running around bushes, because he wouldn't challenge me, he pitied me and pitying doesn't work out in therapy. Then after I told him I needed a new therapist he told everyone I called him a sexual predator, still haven't figured that one out. I think he wanted to cover his grounds to making sure everyone thought I was a liar, because there were times he just wasn't appropriate. I really didn't plan on telling anyone, unless it comes up with my new therapist. In which case he's already got me labeled, so he's safe.

I'm not throwing stones, I am challenging you. Other people on here are congratulating you for acting like this. I am telling you that it's not okay. I'm sort of a blunt person and people think I'm angry, but I'm just confrontational. Moreso for their sake. I'm naturally avoidant of confrontation, but I found out years ago that nobody gets anywhere if we all run around bushes supposedly supporting each other.

You know what, never mind, I thought about it. I am glad that you feel safe enough with someone to do this. I assume you probably don't act like this outside of T. Sometimes we have to throw punches before we realize we won't be punched back. Although I don't condone what you did, I understand it.

lol thats what i was thinking too. awesome move.

I have a rebellious side, but i kinda like what you did, Kacey. Still, i'm sorry that happened to you.

You know what, my t and I are going through a rough patch right now. Less than three weeks ago he said this, "KC I was thinking about this and if you were to cancel all of your appointments and never come back I would be relieved."

Now this happens, I am NOT saying what I did was right. Probably nothing less than a self fullfilling prophecy. I do understand why I would have a little anger and aggression due to the rejection.

Now for the people that will say, well for goodness sakes just quit seeing t. Last week he told me he prayed for me all week. He tells me I am special and one of his favorite clients. I have worked with him for a long time and we have done a lot of hard work. Walking away is not that easy. Being rejected is not easy!

I would be really hurt if this happened to me. I would most likely cry. Sorry this happened.

Hi Kacey. I don't post here much but I had to jump on to just tell you that you remind me so much of myself, particularly in my earlier years of therapy. I so totally get acting out in the heat of the moment. The truth is that I am a highly functional adult who keeps it relatively together in real life. In therapy, however, A TOTALLY different story!! My needy, feral, angry, possessive child self comes out, and the person in there is often not who I am in my adult life at all. So, it makes so much sense to me that you behaved in the way you did. Does it mean that it was appropriate and acceptable and ok? Well, no, of course not, but different people go to therapy for different reasons and issues, and those issues will come out when specific buttons are pressed.

I will share that I have done crazy things in T. I have actually refused to leave my T's office when my session ended because time was up and I thought he had treated me unfairly. It was time to go and I refused, like a child. He had to leave and take the next client to a different office. Was it ok? no. In retrospect did I wish I had been able to keep better composure? Absolutely. But, it happened, and I was being very honest and real in the moment, and these are my issues.....that's why I am IN therapy, and have been for a friggin gazillion years!!!!!!!

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I get it. I think that understanding and condoning are two entirely different things. My T told me that I am the highest maintenance patient he has ever had because of my attachment stuff, so I feel you there as well. I am sure that your T wasn't surpised by your behavior and it is just reflective of the reasons you are there to begin with.

Therapy is hard. It brings out the ugly. Attachment issues are beyond painful and I wouldn't wish them on anyone. I have no idea how I would have reacted had I been in your shoes, but I truly think that I would have been worse.....and I think I am a lot older than you too!!.