T double booked me!

Oh my gosh Inbloom, your post means the world to me. thank you so much. i am crying right now because i never feel like anybody understands me. thank you so much

awe, Kacey, I am so glad I could help. You are so so SO not alone. I know that it feels that way though. It does for me too a lot of the time. I really do know the pain that comes from wanting T to be the parent we never had. It brings out all kinds of crazy, young, shameless behaviors, and it hurts like hell. I am sorry that you are dealing with this, and I hope that you can find a tiny bit of relief very soon.

Actually, I did not claim anything in my post about what I would do. However, since you brought it up, I've actually been double booked fairly recently-- about 4 months ago. I walked away after rescheduling my appointment. I was disappointed, but I was going to be able to see him the next day.

It is also my opinion, and I don't feel the need to agree with you, that using excuses like attachment and therapy itself for negative behavior that affects other people is just wrong.

Anne

I was double-booked twice this year. The first time was with a married couple who were there for the first time, and the fact that T chose me over 2 (probably-) working people was a breakthrough for me (mother always chose brother over me, even now). I think part of it was, T was showing them how he treats / values his clients? But NOW, I think I have the time slot right after them, and the wife makes me wait in the outer outer hallway! She closes the door to the waiting room, so I stand outside the suite with my back to the entrance until she and her husband leave, and I don't turn around until T says my name. The first few times I was feeling a little weird, kind of lonely and shamed and abandoned, but they are entitled to their privacy as they leave T's office, esp for any final words, and I have my phone (and PC) to keep me company while I wait. Still, probably need to discuss how I feel about it with T, instead of just swallowing it. Good thread, kacey, although i'm sorry you had to go thru all this. it was already being hard enough, having to share him with group people and all.

The only thing I would have done definitely is fall to also fall to the ground kicking and screaming in protest. Maybe after yell after T that he never cared about me. Your response was not a very exaggerated one, unless it had prevented your T from seeing the other client.

It seems to me there are several different ideas floating around on this thread and some people are over-identifying with the person who got the appointment even though we have no idea whether that person cared which office they were in or gave any thought to OP at all. I believe that person probably did not give the OP another thought - I personally would not have been worried about the person who was sitting in the t's office and moving to another office would be no big deal to me at all. Also the t can take care of himself and if he chooses to try to discuss the situation with OP, then I fully believe he can or should be able to take care of himself. And I do believe the t should have some consequences or at least remorse for his double booking. A client's time is just as valuable at the ts.

Well congratulations on perfect therapy behavior. The fact that this thread strikes a nerve with you means something in itself. You don't have to agree with me. I am not using it as an EXCUSE I am simply saying "both/ and are true" which by the way is using therapy skills.

Well he risks losing a client I think, depending on how unstable the person is? I think I may have quit (at least temporarily) over this in the past. But consequences? Considering that most other kinds of doctors (and the cable guy) never see you on time as closely as a T usually does? Are you really charging $3/minute for YOUR time? Remorse? My T is always very apologetic, but I don't care about his feelings anywhere near as much as I care about mine - mine are the ones that need fixing.

Exactly, thank you stopdog. This other person was completely oblivious to the situation. I didn't leave until after t had gotten him from the waiting room. He wasn't out there when I came for my apt, he was late. It was the receptionists that told me I didn't have an apt. Then t came out to talk to me and had me come back to his office to talk briefly about it. Then only thing this other client was affected by is that he wasn't in the same office. He had no idea why or that I was sitting in there. Who knows it could have been something as bland as the carpets where being cleaned.

Is this the same t who said he would be pleased if you didn't go back or did you find another one?

I do not wait for drs (the rare times I go) for more than 15 minutes. If they are later than that, I leave and find a new one. I now teach fulltime, but when do I take a private case, my hourly rate is double what my therapist charges. Again, a client's time is just as valuable as theirs is. I understand mistakes, but double booking is not a small error.

Actually, some of us charge more! So, if my T is late, does that mean I can charge her for my time, at my usual rate? Sweet!

While tardiness and double-booking have only rarely been an in my relationship with T, I do think Ts should face consequences when they occur. The client's time is equally valuable and Ts should be held to the same professional standards as the rest of us. For instance, if I was late, double-booked, or skipped appointments in my profession, I wouldn't have a job anymore. Ts should be held accountable as well.

That said, I still think the client is an adult who should have the capacity to handle mix-ups gracefully in the moment. Then, at an appropriate time, the client should hold the T accountable and express their disappointment and/or feelings about what happened. For instance, about 6 months ago, my T offered me a time slot via text message and, about an hour later, I texted her back accepting the appointment. However, when my T didn't hear back from me immediately, she gave the spot to another client. She then didn't check her phone again for the rest of the afternoon. As a result, both me and the other client showed up for that time slot. When I saw the look of sheer panic on the other client's face at the possibility of losing her appointment, it was clear she needed the spot more than I did. T saw this too, and gave the appointment to her. I was disappointed, but I merely said "I understand. Please call/text me later so we can find an alternate time." Then, I went to my car and had my emotional response privately. I wallowed in self-pity for about ten minutes, and then I collected myself and went back to work. I understand everyone handles things differently, and some struggle with inappropriate behavior more than others. However, it seems to me that aggressive or intrusive behavior from a client should not be tolerated. Therapy is about teaching the client what is and is not acceptable behavior-- and then helping the client transition towards the latter. It's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which enabling an attached client's acting out would be constructive. I can't imagine my T ever allowing me (or any client) to stay in her office for even five minutes without her there, let alone kick her out of her own office. I can guarantee that if I tried to do that, security would be dragging my ***** out of there. I will say, though, that in my opinion, responsibility lies more with T's acceptance of a client's acting out, than with the client's acting out itself. It should be the responsibility of the T to set reasonable expectations and then hold the client to those expectations. Just my 2 cents.

For instance, if I was late, double-booked, or skipped appointments in my profession, I wouldn't have a job anymore. Ts should be held accountable as well.


Not sure if it would help the client if their T lost their job though

And as for appropriate.... I think that we can agree that the situation sucks and the T messed up... without having to condone Kacey's reaction... They are two separate things.

Scorpio, that is how a "grown-up" handles such a situation. Not acting like a spoilt child.

How do you know how old I am? I just turned a "grown up" by what the standards of what grown up is.

hmmmm....... a spoiled brat or an judgemental "grown up"

a horse a piece don't ya think?

Yep the ones of you that think I should have been graceful and handled things as an adult are right. The ones of you that think my behavior was over the top.........I agree. I am not sure where anybody got the effin idea that I didn't think that!! In those specific moments of distress I am glad for all of you who are confident in your ability to handle things like a "grown up." Well done for you. Seriously I mean that. If I could do it differently I would have, if I could have had a different emotional reaction I would have. Wow road trip in time.........Parents saying KC if you would just do this or would just not feel this way things would be ok. If you wouldn't act like this dad wouldn't do this. If you would have been a better driver you wouldn't have killed those people. If you were a better child we wouldn't have to drink.............. If IF IF.

IF I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT I PROBABLY WOULD HATE MYSELF LESS AND NOT FEEL LIKE ****. SO I WILL HAVE THIS THREAD REMOVED.......

Maybe instead of raging at us, try to learn for the next time? You didn't commit a crime, but it was something that may be problematic. Something that may cause problems in your relationships...

..... and we should strive for the best. Yes, be able to forgive ourselves, but don't do it again and again......

I agree. Yes thanks Venus I will try harder, I have to do better. I will have to make a repair to t. I know it isn't in my best interest or realistic to have every one on the same page as myself about this.

Being called a spoiled brat amongst other things on here are not really constructive criticism. And that is why I am reacting. I think it is time to close this thread.