[AlwaysSearching]

This isn't the only reason I'm looking into therapy--I have several others--but I've had so much trouble functioning since my dog Sandy died in December 2004. I cry a lot and have a hard time concentrating on and doing the things I love (creative activities like writing and singing). Also, my pain over her has kept me from moving forward and getting another Shepherd or Shepherd mix--I really miss having that kind of dog in my life, but it's hard to make that committment without feeling disloyal to Sandy. I want to be able to grieve and love my dog while still going forward in life, and I don't think I can do that without some outside assistance.

My only concern is, I'm afraid my therapist will blow off my pain over losing Sandy. You know, that whole, "It's just a dog--get over it" attitude. I've considered attending the local SPCA's grief counseling sessions, but that's only once a month and I know it won't be enough to really help me. The therapist I'm considering mentions having a dog on her web site, so I think she'd be sympathetic than someone without an animal, but...I'm still worried. Maybe because I've had bad experiences with family members (who have animals!) telling me to "just get over it," I'm a bit skeptical. I don't know.

Has anyone had a positive experience going into therapy to grieve the loss of a beloved animal companion?

[ErinBear]

Hi Always Searching,

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved furry friend. I know that is a very difficult thing, and my thoughts are with you. From what I hear, the SPCA really does offer excellent support groups. I think it is healthy to seek out additional counseling if you think that would help, but it might be good to to check out their groups too. Another idea might be to call the SPCA and see if they have referrals for counselors in your area which they know are good at dealing with pet loss. They may know of therapist who have special expertise in this subject. Perhaps there is a therapist who runs the group at the shelter and offers private counseling as well? It may be worth investigating.

Thinking of you and sending my best wishes to you.

Take care,
ErinBear

[AlwaysSearching]

Hi ErinBear,

Thanks for your response and suggestions. I know the SPCA has a grief hotline, too, but I haven't tried calling them yet. Maybe I'll give them a call and ask them if they can recommend a therapist or counselor I can see more frequently than once a month--hopefully, weekly.

[ErinBear]

Hi AlwaysSearching,

I think that's really good that the SPCA has a grief hotline....I don't know that ours has one! Wow. That sounds like a really good idea to call them and ask about referrals for local counselors. I bet they will have some good suggestions. Sending you caring thoughts...

Take care,
ErinBear

[wi_fighter]

I haven't had grief counseling of any sort, but I do know the pain of losing a pet. They're more than "just a .....". They're a furry child that depends on us, so when something bad happens we can't help feeling we somehow let them down. Considering how often animals are used in therapy, I can't help but think that it would be just as common to need therapy due to the loss of one.

Since you're apprehensive about bringing it up with a counselor that you're not sure deals with pet loss, definitely contact the SPCA, even if it is only once a month.

I think Sandy would be happy if you saved another dog from life in a shelter, or no life at all, rather than feeling you were being disloyal to her. You're not replacing her. You'd be honoring her memory by wanting another dog as wonderful as she was.

[Lexicon78]

I think that going to the SPCA support group would be a great idea. And bringing it up to your T is a good idea. Just let her know how important your furry friend was to you and how you're grieving...even telling her to treat this as a real loss of a loved one would be good.

I know for me, "pet's" are not that at all...they are a member of the family and so much more.

[Hopefull]

My insurance told me to feel free changing providers if the first one doesn't work out. I would suggest talking to the receptionist and finding out what is the T's experience is in pet lose and whatever other issues you may have is. I can understand why you are aprehensive. One of my teachers disparaged pets some in class and that hurt my feelings because my cat has diabetes. Also as my insurance said, feel free to change if the first choice doesn't work out. If you start out with one and he/she tells you to just get over it, you can continue your search.

[AlwaysSearching]

Wow, I had no idea I'd get this many replies! Thanks, everyone. I'll reply to you all at once, rather than post four different messages.

ErinBear: There are actually three branches of the SPCA in my area, and the grief counseling service is offered by the one in the largest city, which was the original SPCA around here. I suppose they have more volunteers and funds than the other two branches for such things.

wi_fighter: I agree that our animal friends are more than "just pets"; they truly are members of the family. I definitely plan on getting another dog--in fact, I e-mailed a rescue group earlier this week about a dog I found on Petfinder. I hope they respond soon. *Crosses her fingers*

Lexicon78: The therapist I'm considering does a phone consultation first (I'm not sure if this is the norm or not, as I've never been to a therapist--with the exception of a school counselor as a child), so I'll bring this issue up then to see if she's willing to give me the support and compassion I need.

Hopefull: I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with your teacher. Unfortunately, a lot of people just don't understand the bonds we have with our animals--and the pain of losing them. Asking if the therapist is experienced in dealing with pet loss is a great idea. I plan on looking around if this therapist can't give me the help I need.

Again, thank you, everyone! It's nice to know that I'm surrounded by supportive, caring people here.

[darkeyes]

(((((((((( always )))))))))))
Oh man, I can relate to people I have met (naturally who I make no point of being around) that have said those mean,insensitive words, "just get over it", and many of those "kind" not have only said that when we have lost our beloved pets, but evn when I lost my one and only best friend . . . my dad.
I can't imagine how people like this exist, grrrrrrrrr!
Another thing that blows me away too, is this same mentality many have towards mental illness, during some depressive episodes, I'd hear those same old ugly words, "you need to get over it".
Grieving for pets, just like humans, has no time limit, nor should anyone have such expectations. We all will and have individual feelings,memories, etc., no one should think if they have healed in a certain time others should too.
I think a support group would benefit someone, and if it hasn't personally, you may be able to pick up something from what someone else has felt and relate to them . . . support. Some vet's know or can direct you to some of these excellent support groups. I was deeply touched, when my parent's vet sent them a sympathy card, and written in their own hand. I feel for you, over the many years of being on this earth, I have lost so many pets, and it always hurts, I do not feel everyone becomes emotionally immuned. As the years pass, it has become easier for me to accept, but not easy on the heart, the place I hold these creatures forever.
Finding a therapist who have or has the blessing to be "owned" by their pets, are able to understand your grieving than someone who has never had or doesn't care for pets. If my therapist ever gave me that feeling, or came out and said similar words to "get over it or move on" (you know the various lame words) I'd have to set them strait(sp?) of how I am and feel about animals, my pets.
If the person still didn't get it, I'd have to find another T.
Just my opinion.
Sorry for the rambling. Please know that I feel for you, and wish you healing, and your own time to heal.
Love,
DE


BTW
It just came to mind, I have seen websites with pet loss, support forums, maybe that can be of help?
Another thing that I have often thought about, is trying to form a support group within my township and/or county.
My vet said if I do, he is more than happy to post it on the board at the counter and even refer others to such a group. I plan to look into something like that in the near future. My oldest dog is going on 10yo, so you know I'll be grieving once again for one of my children with fur.
Please take care now, and know you are in the heart of your pets as they are in ours.

[(JD)]

((((hugs)))) What our pets give us stays with us... and their loss is just that : a loss! IMO the only thing that fills that void is another pet... but you never get over the other pet.

Worrying about how the T will respond is common... but go for it anyway! This is a long time to be mourning so deeply... maybe you're mourning the loss of many things? I would think a T with a pet would be a good "bet."

TC

[AlwaysSearching]

I get so sick of hearing "get over it" from people that I think I'm going to explode sometimes! It makes me feel a lot better (and calmer!) talking to other animal lovers who care and sympathize with my situation. These aren't just cards; they're treasures, especially the one with the pawprint.

I got cards from the vets, too--two from the emergency clinic that last treated Sandy and one from her regular vet. One of the cards from the emergency clinic had the Rainbow Bridge story on the front and an ink impression of Sandy's pawprint inside--it's so beautiful. Just looking at it is making me cry right now. The others are signed by staff members at both hospitals.

I have used a pet loss chat room a couple times, and I'm a member of two online grief support communities. While these things help, I know that I probably need a professional--one who loves animals and understands the deep pain of losing them--to help me learn how to cope with my emotions. I can't see myself going to anyone who doesn't have or hasn't ever had an animal in their lives and expecting them to understand.

[AlwaysSearching]

_Sky, you're right: I am mourning the loss of others. I lost my father about a month before Sandy, my bird last July, and one of my family's cats a few weeks ago. Also, I adopted a second German Shepherd a few months after Sandy died and had to return her to the rescue group two days later because she was too rough and aggressive with my other dog. That anniversary is coming up on Valentine's Day. As you can tell, I've had to deal with a lot of things in a little over a year.

I grieve Sandy the most, though. She was the dog I had wanted since I was seven or eight years old...I got her just before my nineteenth birthday, and she died just short of three years later (she was about ten or eleven when I adopted her). Sandy was also "my" first dog--the first one to really bond with me only and not another family member. I think those things play a factor, too.

[(JD)]

Yes, I think you're right...it's all rolled into one... Things will be tough around the anniversary of anything like this.... be gentle with yourself... allow yourself to grieve... but keep going.... TC

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, _Sky, I will. I've actually had a couple of good days with more smiles than tears lately, and I'm going to work at having more like that.

[Azalysa]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Sandy. I lost 2 furbabies this year, the most recent being my 20-year-old cat, Morris, who I had to have put to sleep. That was so very hard. I am an AVID pet lover so can truly understand your pain.

It sounds like you may already have visited http://www.rainbowbridge.com. It is a lovely site with a wonderful chat component with caring moderators.

At vets in this area, I have seen cards in the waiting room for counselors who only work with pet grief. You may want to check out your vet. They may very well have some suggestions. Also, if there are any pet cemetaries in town, that is another place I would call for references.

I have a pamphlet I ordered years ago when I knew I would have to put my Samoyed Huskey to sleep - it is called "Death of the Family Pet." I just checked and it is online now at: http://members.aol.com/regalbeag/death.htm Near the bottom of the page is a list of phone numbers in various cities to call for some phone counseling.

My heart hurts for your. Please feel free to PM if you would like to talk further.

{{{{{Always}}}}}

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, Azalysa. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses as well.

I think I have been to that site, or a similar one, and it (whichever site I went to!) was full of supportive, helpful people.

My vet is a house calls vet, so I probably won't ask him about this until his visit at the end of the month, because he's got a busy schedule and always on the go. And, yes, there is a pet cemetary right in town--it's the one Sandy is buried in, and where my family's other dogs and cats have been buried. There might be another one, too. I'll call around.

Thanks for the links, too. I'll read the second one more thoroughly when I have more time.