[Asiablue]

This was brought up in therapy today. T is concerned i'm not entirely able to keep myself safe. That i may harm myself. I have trouble recognising just being in a bad place and not being safe (psychologically speaking). I never reach out for that reason.

I got scared that she was writing to my doctor about some things i told her and i manipulated her into omitting some info, because i was scared, and i totally convinced her i'm ok when really, i'm not sure i am ok...

[roads]

If you're truly able to manipulate your T, you need a new T.

Why would you want to convince her you're okay when you're not? Would you want to convince your medical doctor you weren't having a heart attack when your were?

[Perna]

A good way to think about safety is to recognize when you feel afraid. Feelings are there to give us information about ourselves and help us make decisions and inform our actions; they are not actions themselves. Feeling afraid is not good or bad but how we respond to our fear can be good or bad.

I would practice telling your T when you feel afraid while you are with her and what you are afraid of. That will help you and her know how safe you are. Discussing fear is a great action because often we can learn that what we fear is not likely to happen or we can do things so what we fear will happen will not.

Your T has told you she is afraid you may not be able to keep yourself safe. I would discuss with her how you can work to learn how to keep yourself safe so both you and she do not have to fear for you.

[Asiablue]

Thank you Perna. I think she knows i'm not in imminent danger but this was a final meeting and a report goes to my doc. I have a new T who is very good i will see her on Monday.

Roadrunner- I felt i had been manipulative, because she really wasn't feeling comfortable about omitting a certain piece of information that i don't want in a letter to my doctor. So i convinced her i am much better and at much less risk than she thinks. Why did i do that? Fear! I don't feel i'm in imminent danger of harming myself, are the thoughts there? Sometimes. Do i have a plan? No. I got scared that she viewed me to potentially be unable to keep myself safe, i was shocked that what i'd told her made her view me that way because it means i am sicker than i thought, if that makes sense? I can't recognise when i'm not safe, i've been brought up to downplay everything and there is a major shame to creating drama.