[delicatefade26]

My emotions are all over the place tonight...I'm beyond anxious and feeling really low...I edited my first one because I felt it just rambled on...I'm nervous for my session with T tomorrow...but I guess my question I would like some advice with is how to have a session where it's just my inner child that comes out...she wants to be the one that talks and has T talk to her and ask her questions...do i just allow it to happen (this may seem like a weird concept) but I'm very protective of her, but she wants so desperately to have it be all about her for a whole session...should I tell T? I don't know what to do...I feel so out of it tonight and alone : ( bleh

[delicatefade26]

I could use at least one response about how to go about my session tomorrow if anyone has any advice...or just some encouragement..i'm very anxious about it...
I know it has to do with having such a powerful session two weeks ago and wanting so desperately for that to happen again...I worry it will never happen again

I think you should definitely talk to T about it. I worry if T may not be prepared, to just let inner child have the entire session, I don't want her to somehow get emotionally hurt if T is not quite "with it" yet. But it does sound incredibly important that the inner child have some connecting and safe time with T. Maybe talk with him about it first getting there. Maybe because of feeling anxious and worrisome about it, instead of having to tolerate an entire session of her being out, what if starting with half a session? Or could she have this session, and you have an extra this week?

You are not alone. Though I know it feels very scary right now, we're here with you, and most important, T is too.

[rainbow_rose]

i don't have any advice... got a hug tho. i'm there if you need someone to ride in your pocket.

[delicatefade26]

Thanks stormy I really appreciate your response...I actually got teary eyed...Yeah I'm a little worried about letting her have a whole session, because as of now she barely arrives...and it's intense when she does...so I think you are right the best way is to talk to T about this desire...and see what happens...because she gets so incredibly hurt and is so sensitive to everything he says and does, and when it's time to leave-sometimes she will get so upset-it comes out as anger-T knows this and he comforts her...but if she really let it out...it would be soo bad...she would throw the biggest tantrum ever, making T stay with her...and I can't let that happen...thanks again Stormy

[delicatefade26]

thanks rainbow rose...hop on in there ; )

[Chopin99]

I can't give you advice on how to bring out your inner child; I don't know how to do it in session (although my previous T urged me to do it outside of session). My current T doesn't seem to be big on inner child work.

What I can relate to is having an intense session then being worried that it will never be that way again. Several sessions back, my T was very reassuring of the process I was about to go through. At the end of the session, I opened my arms to her and she grabbed me in a big ol' hug and told me, "I love you. I am not going anywhere. I have been exactly where you have been." She then backed her torso up so she could see me while still hugging me and said, "I've been where you've been alone and with help, and while it is not any easier, it is definitely better to go through the process with someone else. Chopin, you are going to heal. You are going to smile more, you're going to laugh more!" While it was happening I tried to memorize every single word and sensation because I knew it would be a special time.

Since then, my sessions have not been as intense. There are several reasons for that (for her: she's been dealing with breast cancer and chemo treatments, chemo then caused tachycardia, all of it has rendered her weak) (for me: reluctance to let anyone inside my wall, physical problems of my own, work stress, death of a loved pet). I'm hoping that both of us could get back to the level we were in the session I described.

One of the problems I am working on is that I think just because I'm not in contact with someone, or they don't tell me they love me every time they see me, or they're acting different one day, I've done something horribly wrong and they're going to leave. I assume the worst of myself and of others.

What I am learning is that nine times out of ten, when anything I've listed above happens, the relationship hasn't changed, and that 99% of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with me. When I assume the worst, I try to acknowledge it is a possibility, but think of all the other (neutral or good) things that could happen.

My meds are kicking in, so I hope some of this made sense or was helpful in some way. Anyway, know I'm supporting you and wish you the best!

Hi (((((((delicatefade))))))))

I think this is a perfect question to ask T tomorrow. From what you've said about him, it sounds like he will be very thoughtful and gentle about it, and will help you work through how you want to proceed...both in your session tomorrow and in future sessions.

I would love to hear how it goes...I hope you will come back and tell us

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

One of the problems I am working on is that I think just because I'm not in contact with someone, or they don't tell me they love me every time they see me, or they're acting different one day, I've done something horribly wrong and they're going to leave. I assume the worst of myself and of others.

This is exactly it for me too...I immediately start to think what did I do wrong...they are annoyed with me, are going to leave me, they must not love me anymore...so thank you for reminding me to think that most of the time the relationship has not changed...and to remember that is difficult for me to think this way...it can be done...I have to let that part of me have more control!! thank you for sharing your story about the intensity between you and T and then having it shift...I like how you are able to sort out some of the reasons-that is very hard for me to do right now...I clump it up-blame myself more often than not, and get desperate and angry and upset...thank God for my T to help me with some of this stuff!!!

Thanks for the support

[delicatefade26]

Thank Tree you are right T will be very good about it and help me work through it...and he is extra gentle when it comes to her (as a matter of fact-I'm kinda jealous of that...but that's another topic) and I just hope it goes well...I will definitely let ya'll know how it goes tomorrow evening!!

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

This is exactly it for me too...I immediately start to think what did I do wrong...they are annoyed with me, are going to leave me, they must not love me anymore...so thank you for reminding me to think that most of the time the relationship has not changed...and to remember that is difficult for me to think this way...it can be done...I have to let that part of me have more control!! thank you for sharing your story about the intensity between you and T and then having it shift...I like how you are able to sort out some of the reasons-that is very hard for me to do right now...I clump it up-blame myself more often than not, and get desperate and angry and upset...thank God for my T to help me with some of this stuff!!!

Thanks for the support

My T is the one pounding it into my head. I'm trying to do the stuff she tells me! She said it was a lesson she had to learn herself and gave me a plethora of examples from her own life. She said most people are so caught up with themselves they aren't always thinking about others. I realize by my own reactions to people that this is true. I'm usually thinking of myself. I am trying to step outside of myself and see things from the others' point of view.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm glad you're going to discuss it with T....and I hope you are able to make it happen for yourself. I can imagine how difficult it is.....(( HUGS ))

[delicatefade26]

Thank you mixedupemotions!!! I'm going to try and talk with him about it this evening...my tummy is nervous thinking about it!!! I know it's safe and I can...but it's still anxiety producing a little bit!!!

[delicatefade26]

I'm getting ready to go see T and my tummy hurts so bad!! I'm nervous!! I have a bad feeling about tonight...

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

I'm getting ready to go see T and my tummy hurts so bad!! I'm nervous!! I have a bad feeling about tonight...

You will be okay. Take me with you, in your pocket. You will be okay. I am with you.

[roads]

I'm running along behind... I'll be there too, even if you don't know it till after!

[delicatefade26]

Thanks guys...well I feel like it was a bad session...I didn't feel connected to T...felt blah the whole time, didn't feel like we talked about some of the things we should-I felt like it was too short...we spent most of the time talking about my si that I did today...and am issue with my mom...I did tell him at the end that she wants a whole session, he said she is welcome to come...and asked if I could write tonight what it would be like to have her there...I said I would...the prayer and the hug at the end did feel good...only positive I suppose...