[SpearOfTheLance]

Sorry if this is the wrong forum, but I really need some help in determining what kind of therapist I should see. I've finally decided to get some help.

I've posted on this forum before about issues and you've all been a great help. But I am afraid I've become infatuated with a woman. I dont know why, but I everytime I see here I get lost in the clouds, and I'm afraid it may affect my work if it continues to get worse.

I feel like it's like some witch's spell you read out of a fairy tale that's been put on me. I work with her so it's not like I can just ignore her. I've tried ignoring her, but she keeps popping back into my head, even after work hours. I'm married with 2 kids, I am not the kind of guy who cheats on his wife or has even thought about it in my life. I don't think I will, it's not a physical attraction, also I'm not that kind of guy.

Who Do I see for something like this, and how do I cure it?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[ECHOES]

Talking to a therapist to learn more about you, about what it is within you that desires the attachment to your co-worker. This comes from within and it is about something you desire, openly or secretly.

Some thoughts:
Can you identify more about the thought(s) you are having when she 'pops' into your head?

What does 'lost in the clouds' mean? Dreamy fantasy? About?

Who do you see? A therapist who does depth work, such as a psychodynamic psychotherapist. There are other types that others can recommend from their experiences. The important thing is to have someone to talk to about this before it becomes a work or marriage issue.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by SpearOfTheLance

Sorry if this is the wrong forum, but I really need some help in determining what kind of therapist I should see. I've finally decided to get some help.

I've posted on this forum before about issues and you've all been a great help. But I am afraid I've become infatuated with a woman. I dont know why, but I everytime I see here I get lost in the clouds, and I'm afraid it may affect my work if it continues to get worse.

I feel like it's like some witch's spell you read out of a fairy tale that's been put on me. I work with her so it's not like I can just ignore her. I've tried ignoring her, but she keeps popping back into my head, even after work hours. I'm married with 2 kids, I am not the kind of guy who cheats on his wife or has even thought about it in my life. I don't think I will, it's not a physical attraction, also I'm not that kind of guy.

Who Do I see for something like this, and how do I cure it?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

If you had a therapist, T would tell you that how you feel and what you do are two entirely different things.

Feelings of infatuation don't harm anyone so long as you behave yourself!

How is your fantasy life?

[SpearOfTheLance]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

If you had a therapist, T would tell you that how you feel and what you do are two entirely different things.

Feelings of infatuation don't harm anyone so long as you behave yourself!

How is your fantasy life?

By lost in the clouds I mean memorized. Like I can't stop thinking about her. What does she do to me that makes me feel like this? Some more background info, she's working at my job place for a long time, but she recently moved over to our side of the building. So I guess it's been around 2 weeks since she's sort of been 'new'. I asked around about her and the people say she's single and desperate, whatever that means! Maybe she does this to all the guys in the office accidentally? She is quite attractive but also a little loopy in her behavior.

Fantasy thoughts I have would include thinking we're both flirting with each other or I'm having a drink with her at a bar after work etc.... Nothing sex related but more like I'm back in my 20s again and going out. Would that be like a early mid life crisis or something? I don't think those mid life crisis guys get infatuated though.

It feels like a curse or spell, it really does. That's how I can describe it if there are such things. I just need to know how I get my mind straight and end this foolishness I am putting myself thru. A therapist probably would help finding out why I feel this way. Is it an escape from the pressures at the job place? Or am I missing something at home? My wife and I are pretty happy and have a strong relationship, so I can't define anything since I'm inside looking in. Maybe I someway feel unfulfilled at home? I dont think so, but I sure do feel that way at work. Could she represent some kind of outlet for me to relieve pressures from work?

Argh......I think I'm making myself go crazy over this. But Why is what I can't figure out.

[Perna]

Fantasies are about you, like dreams are only when we're awake instead of sleeping. I would start noting them and then seeing if you can figure out what they are telling you (for example, that you are lonely or want companionship, are afraid of or don't know how to interact with others and form a relationship, etc.) and then work on that issue.

If you are able, I would start a friendship with the woman you work with, get to know her better and more critically so your fantasies might lessen as you come to know the real person, warts and all :-)

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by SpearOfTheLance

By lost in the clouds I mean memorized. Like I can't stop thinking about her. What does she do to me that makes me feel like this? Some more background info, she's working at my job place for a long time, but she recently moved over to our side of the building. So I guess it's been around 2 weeks since she's sort of been 'new'. I asked around about her and the people say she's single and desperate, whatever that means! Maybe she does this to all the guys in the office accidentally? She is quite attractive but also a little loopy in her behavior.

Fantasy thoughts I have would include thinking we're both flirting with each other or I'm having a drink with her at a bar after work etc.... Nothing sex related but more like I'm back in my 20s again and going out. Would that be like a early mid life crisis or something? I don't think those mid life crisis guys get infatuated though.

It feels like a curse or spell, it really does. That's how I can describe it if there are such things. I just need to know how I get my mind straight and end this foolishness I am putting myself thru. A therapist probably would help finding out why I feel this way. Is it an escape from the pressures at the job place? Or am I missing something at home? My wife and I are pretty happy and have a strong relationship, so I can't define anything since I'm inside looking in. Maybe I someway feel unfulfilled at home? I dont think so, but I sure do feel that way at work. Could she represent some kind of outlet for me to relieve pressures from work?

Argh......I think I'm making myself go crazy over this. But Why is what I can't figure out.

Could you create this wonderful fantasy with your wife? How about some date nights, that might include some playful pretending you are meeting for the first time dates, going out to new and exciting places where younger people like to go, etc.

I would not try to get closer to this person at work because your infatuation may prevent you from seeing her, warts and all. Infatuation and idealizing block those kinds of reality checks. Concentrate on you and what you want, and direct that energy and passion into your marriage. It could help your marriage and distract you from your infatuation.

[SpearOfTheLance]

I thought about both, getting to know them and avoiding them. I was afraid about getting to know them because they showed an interest in me. I think it was because I must have seemed all ga-ga about them. So I started avoiding now.

I like the 'warts and all' comment. Again, back to that fairy tale analogy. It's like the big ugly bad witch cast a spell where instead of seeing all her warts and green skin, I am under the spell and see a very attractive woman.

I did ask around in the office where it didnt come off like I am asking because I am interested, but lot of the women tell me she's dated many guys in the office because she's desperate. So maybe I'm not the only guy she's charmed into this infatuation? I don't want to be the fool to fall for it.

I'll avoid her if I can and see if it goes away. But after that, if I have to work with her I will to get to know the reality rather than the fantasy in my head.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Perna

Fantasies are about you, like dreams are only when we're awake instead of sleeping. I would start noting them and then seeing if you can figure out what they are telling you (for example, that you are lonely or want companionship, are afraid of or don't know how to interact with others and form a relationship, etc.) and then work on that issue.

If you are able, I would start a friendship with the woman you work with, get to know her better and more critically so your fantasies might lessen as you come to know the real person, warts and all :-)

Some one (Lenny?) gave this advice to Homer Simpson:

"Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Get to know her and you'll soon find out that you have nothing in common."

Which was a dangerous suggestion because Homer and Mindy had a great deal in common. He still stayed faithful to Marge, though.