[seventyeight]

**trigger for talk of private body parts and related medical procedures**

i was recently diagnosed with a skin disease called "lichens scherosis," which primarily effects the genitalia. i went in for a vulvar biopsy (actually, two) and it was awful. she gynecologist didn't communicate anything as she was doing it, and didn't give me any aftercare instructions. worst of all - the lidocane used to numb the areas didn't work, and i felt every bit of the procedure. this was two weeks ago, and the recovery has been difficult.

my therapist has provided me with excellent support throughout this ordeal. i saw her in the morning before the biopsy, then called her in hysterics after it was over. never in my life have i been so traumatized. it was all so unexpected, and i was just not prepared. my therapist was then out of the office for business travel for a week, so we had to handle some of this via phone. i think we did a decent job communicating, but i sort of put everything on the back burner until i knew we'd talk in person again. when i went in for a session yesterday, she listened to the details of what went down (literally) at the doctor's appointment, and helped me to see that it shouldn't have happened that way. that it was inappropriate for a doctor not to walk me through everything beforehand, and to not stop when i indicated to her that i was in an excruciating amount of pain. my therapist then urged me to a) not see that doctor again and b) gave me a referral to a gynecologist that she personally recommends. i was supposed to go for a biopsy follow-up just after my therapy appointment yesterday (with the original doctor), but ended up canceling. i was able to schedule a new-patient appointment with the doctor that my therapist recommended.

at any rate, it's really strange to me to all of a sudden be talking about my vagina in therapy! (sorry, i'm not sure how else to say that .) i try to kind of gloss over some of the stuff (or to talk in a bit of code), but it gets to a point where she gets confused (and i have too) and i've found myself having to spell it out in proper anatomical detail. the whole thing is all a little weird to me, and i feel like an even bigger freak in therapy than i already am. i've been seeing the same (awesome) therapist for almost three years now, and we've developed an strong working relationship. i'm concerned though that the dynamics are now changing as we're getting into these *really* personal topics. i've never been the type of client to back away/down from sharing anything, but i'm worried that I'M somehow not keeping proper boundaries by sharing all of this with her.

i was disowned by my family, and have an odd assortment of friends (i'm very much still learning how to be in healthy relationships). i've had to call upon my ex for support throughout all of this, as i feel like there have been times when physically (and certainly emotionally) i haven't been able to cope.

anyway, i just wanted to share with you all - as i generally feel better when connecting with my PC people. thank you for reading..

OUCH! On all counts seventyeight! I think it's not your job to keep the boundaries, and it sounds like you're have the discussion for therapeutic reasons, not to try to arouse or anything. I'd think that would be fine with your T.

[roadtrip]

I'm sorry you had to go through with a painful procedure without the doc telling you what they were doing step by step. Thats terrible.

You sound like you have an excellant therapist who did a good job helping you. Yes it is something else to talk about such personal issues but thank goodness for the support help and understanding doing so can bring. Even though it can be uncomfortable to talk about these things Im sure therapists do not see it as TMI. I know I have drawn boundaries as to where I think they should be. Then as I cross them into a new level or discussion something wonderful happens. I am discovering that connections can incude things I thought were off limits and it feels like a new deeper place over time.

[mixedup_emotions]

OH WOW, that sounded like an AWFUL procedure for you. I am SO sorry that happened to you....

....As far as sharing it with your T, I don't believe it was outside the boundaries at all. Your T was able to help you through a difficult ordeal, and that is absolutely worthwhile. I can understand it being uncomfortable though.

[Flooded]

Please don't be ashamed of using the correct terminology for your body parts. Vagina is no different to hand, foot or mouth

The gyn had zero empathy and was unprofessional. You deserve better much treatment than that and I'm so relieved your t was so supportive! That's a keeper!

[rockymtngal]

So sorry you went through that. I had a similar personal experience and I actually screamed in pain. The GYN got mad at for yelling "You're scaring the other people" (they should have been scared). Please remember there are good GYN's out there that won't hurt you.

About talking to you t about what is going on-she can totally handle it. There is nothing inappropriate about what you are discussing. It's simply part of your body. She's a woman as well, and understands these things...

Take care.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Flooded

The gyn had zero empathy and was unprofessional.

Maybe anxious, herself!

[Perna]

Oh, my, what an unpleasant problem/disease to have! Hope I don't get that one :-) http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/lic...erosus/DS00725

I know what you mean about the doctor; I had a run-in with an ob/gyn when I had an infection that got into my ovaries after my appendix burst. I almost sued her but couldn't think of why since the mental health damage had already been done to me and there was no fixing that. I commend you for keeping on it and working to find a good doctor you can work wtih. My T and I discussed the whole thing too but I was not able to follow through like you are doing! Well done!

[rainbow8]

I am so sorry, 78, that you have this disease and had that awful experience with the biopsy. I think your T is wonderful!! It is not TMI at all though I know it's embarrassing. I have talked about intimate body parts with my T too, and it's no big deal to her though of course it is to me. I"ve learned that whatever is bothering me is all right to talk about in therapy.

I hope you never have to contact that other gynecologist again and that you like the one your T recommended. So nice of her to do that for you and be there for you through this ordeal.

[bluemountains]

Seventyeight,
What a wonderful therapist and what an awful doctor! I cannot fathom that your doctor didn't fully prep you with details before beginning the procedure. I thought this was standard for any doctor! I must have been blessed over the years with great care, because I have never had any doctor who didn't inform me before, during, and after any procedure, big or small, childbirth to a standard checkup.
I am glad that you have a good t who has helped you through your medical ordeal. I would not worry that the information shared is too personal because your t has acted as a quality professional who has followed you and helped you through a terrible time. Kudos to a great therapist!

Firstly, I am so, so sorry about the gynecologist. That is just horrible and traumatizing.

Secondly, I am SO proud of you for being so open with T! Talking about your vagina is like talking about any other part of your body. I prefer using (and when clients use) the anatomically correct name for body parts. Also, the way you described the session, it sounds like you did awesome with being really open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

I, too, have had a talk with my T about some personal things, where I felt it would be 'inappropriate' and uncomfortable for her due to the subject. And I was the one feeling very anxious about it being like "sexual harrassment" due to the depth and graphic way I was talking. I felt like I had to defend myself. But my T was right where I was, and knew what I was communicating, and knew I wasn't talking in a way to offend her or be grotesque. Thank goodness for that.

[TayQuincy]

yea sorry that you had to endure that procedure! I often talk about very personal stuff with my T. I talk about vaginas and everything else whenever i need to and my T is not uncomfortable or embarrassed at all to discuss these things with me. I'm not embarrassed either, it is all matter-of fact, and important in my trauma work.

Originally Posted by seventyeight

i've never been the type of client to back away/down from sharing anything, but i'm worried that I'M somehow not keeping proper boundaries by sharing all of this with her.

(((((((78))))))))) !!!! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!

What you wrote above caught my eye...I've had that fear too, when I've told specific details about my CSA. Like, this crappy thing was done to me, and now I'm basically doing it to him by making him listen to it. And I've had that fear when I've told him something about my sex life, or certain medical issues. I REALLY fear that when I talk about body memories. I really really get it.

But T is there FOR us to talk about this stuff. It's okay, and it's GOOD. Our body is simply our body...not bad, not something to be ashamed of.

Have you talked to T about the fear? I bet she could reassure you and help you put that fear to rest.

It sounds like you are working hard to take care of yourself and to reach out for support as well as you can. I'm glad you reached out here

[with or without you]

OW. Sounds like a hideous experience, 78. I hope you are feeling better. Nope, I don't like talking about body parts in therapy either, although I've never been abused. I've been seeing a female T for over 10 years and I still hate saying their names . I know we're both adults and there's no reason to be ashamed of it...but I still can't do it. I'll usually say "downtown" and she knows what I'm talking about, LOL. Take care of yourself

[seventyeight]

i just wanted to say thank you to ALL of you that responded to my post. i'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but i wanted to at least tell you that your comments really went a long way towards helping me feel better about all of this. i go tomorrow to the new gynecologist (and i'm starting to get a bit nervous), but i think ultimately it could/should be a much better arrangement. i also plan to talk to my therapist at my next session, just to make sure all the boundaries are clear and in place.

thanks again to all of you - mykidsarecool, roadtrip, mue, flooded, rockymtngal, pachy, perna, rainbow, bluemountains, stormy, tay, tree, and wowy - it means so much that you'd take the time to read my post and get back to me about it. you guys are awesome!