 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Dec 27, 2011, 09:53 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
my session is next monday. I've been on a therapy break for nearly a month.
the first three weeks, my brain was moving fast... thinking, shifting, learning, changing.... it's been like that for the past couple of months ... and happening so fast that I just needed to let go of any fear about the changes and hang on for the ride. and I've done that and I've grown and learned so much about me .... but in this last week, that has finally slowed down... (or I've finally caught up to it) ... when my sessions start up again, I feel that 'it's' gonna start up again... the thinking, shifting, learning, changing... . especially now that I feel that we we've mostly been working on the surface (no superficial)... and now we need to go deeper - start peeling back more layers. the hard stuff. the scary stuff. i'm ready to do that... ...... i started to cry as i type this  ... and i think what I am feeling is fear.what the heck am i afraid is going to happen when I walk in to her office next week?  thank you for reading this  ... don't know why I wrote this other than i guess i just needed to not feel alone with this. i can do some of the work w/out her ... it's just a little harder and a lot lonelier.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
Last edited by rainbow_rose; Dec 27, 2011 at 11:15 PM. |
 Anonymous33425, pbutton, rainbow8, sittingatwatersedge, Unrigged64072835, WePow
|
|
#2
Dec 27, 2011, 09:56 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I can relate to that feeling. Right before my last appointment I started trying to get EVERYTHING done at home and at work because I was scared I wouldn't be able to stay mentally organized after my upcoming session. I knew I had calmed down between appointments and was scared that I was going to "start back up".
I just tried to keep telling myself that I was just going to be more distracted and introspective; it's not like he was going to perform a lobotomy. 
|
 rainbow_rose
|
|
#3
Dec 27, 2011, 10:01 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 thanks, pbutton!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
|
| pbutton
|
|
#4
Dec 27, 2011, 10:12 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
(((((((rainbow rose!)))))))
My T and I leave each other voice mails after each session, and I always keep as many as I can saved on my voice mail, even though I rarely listen to them again. For some reason, the other day I listened to a few old ones. One was a message T left me after I took a break for a month in the spring and had gone back to therapy. He was talking about knowing how difficult it felt to go back in there and be vulnerable and talk about hard stuff. He talked about my need to reconnect with him first. Listening to the message reminded me what it felt like to go back after having the time off. It WAS a little hard...it was so nice to see him, and so good to go back to a place I feel so safe and supported...AND it was hard, knowing that we were going to be going to some dark places. Before my break, I never talked about the hardest stuff. We did work on a lot of trauma, but not the most difficult...it had come up the summer before my break, and I completely, utterly, totally freaked out and told T to drop it and he did. We kept working on other stuff and then I took my break. The break was really, really good. It helped me see how much I had healed, and how different life is now compared to before therapy. It was nice to have the mental break and the extra time and money and the breathing room. It gave me a chance to regroup. And when I went back, I knew it was time..or at least the time would be soon. It sounds like that's how you're feeling too. We didn't get into the hard stuff right away, but we did a few months later. What we DID do was reconnect with each other, talk about how the break was, what I learned, etc. We gently and gradually worked together to get to the point where I could talk about what I needed to talk about. AND I talked about it and survived and am so grateful now that I did. It didn't feel better at first, but now it feels SO MUCH BETTER to have that poison out, to share it with T, to not have to run and run and run to stay ahead of it all the time. There's more space inside, more room for good things. Remember that when you go back, you can go as quickly or as slowly as you want. You don't have to walk in the door and talk about the hard stuff. You can reconnect, and get comfortable, and give yourself as much time as you need. I would really love to hear how your first session back goes  
|
| rainbow_rose, sittingatwatersedge, WePow
|
|
#5
Dec 28, 2011, 07:29 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((((Rainbow rose)))))))))))) you are not alone. That is for sure. We are all standing alongside you!
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
| rainbow_rose
|
|
#6
Dec 28, 2011, 08:13 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
i will be thinking of you monday.you are very brave to be willing to go back and also deciding that you need to even go deeper in the work you are doing
big hugs and please let us know how things go
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| rainbow_rose
|
|
#7
Dec 28, 2011, 08:35 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
thank you, pbutton, rainbow8, sittingatwatersedge, & WePow for the hugs!
Quote:
Quote:
treehouse, thank you SO much for taking the time to post such a lengthy response.  your words resonate deeply for me.You have reminded me of something - to have compassion for myself (and that I have a long way to go with that). as part of my homework, i have been reading about it. it's amazing how you can absolutely NOT see how hard you are being on yourself until someone else shows you the kindness & compassion you deserve. the other part of what you said that resonated with me is allowing myself the time to reconnect with her. I didn't realize a part of me wanted that until you 'said' it. i am realizing that there are three different parts to the thoughts I am having toward my session next week: one: "You're paying a lot of money for an extended session. DON'T WASTE A MINUTE!!!" two: "I wanna reconnect." three: "I'm afraid to reconnect. i just gotta work on the part that says... "It's ok to feel all of those things. Just relax." Thank you, treehouse.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
|
|
#8
Dec 28, 2011, 03:16 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
| rainbow_rose
|
|
#9
Dec 28, 2011, 10:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
|
|
#10
Dec 29, 2011, 01:54 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Good luck with your first session back, rainbow_rose. I understand your conflicting thoughts: "I wanna connect" and "I'm afraid to reconnect." You can feel both at the same time and that's okay.
Even if you're ready to go deeper, it may not happen during this first session in spite of it being an extended one. You'll need that time to reconnect and maybe start on the deeper stuff. I'm sure your T will help with your fears about it, and help you to go slowly, at your own pace. I'll be a pocket rider if you want.
|
| rainbow_rose
|
|
#11
Dec 30, 2011, 12:44 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
rainbow, i am too tired to formulate a coherent response, but thank you so much for your compassionate words and support. they mean a lot to me.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
