Answers to T's questions

This is part of what I plan to go over in my next session. My T asked three questions I could not answer. I thought about them and formulated my answers.

1. Why do you care so much about what I think? Why are you giving me that power?
Giving others the power is my default pattern; trying to earn love, love you already freely give me. I need to think differently, and I already was before you asked the question. I genuinely love and like you for who you are. That inherently makes your opinion valuable to me, but I have decided the opinions of others are not going to keep me from being the person God made me to be. It will take time for me to change the pattern, but the realization that I am going to get to that point is powerful. It's not to say I'll never be affected by the opinions of others, but I can change my reactions to those opinions. I don't have to automatically believe them just because I feel they are inherently superior just because they are not lowly, unworthy me. I am as worthy as anyone else on this earth of love, friendship, and respect, and love and friendship cannot be earned. As I gain confidence and identity while maintaining a sense of humility, people will be drawn to me naturally. A few already see past the facade and realize I have much to offer and choose to stay in my life. They are my true friends.

2. How would I feel if someone opened up to me the way I opened up to you?
I would admire them for their courage. I would feel honored that they felt they could trust me that much. I would be drawn to them, because of their confidence in themselves to be willing to take a risk and their humility to show their weaknesses when it is easier to hide them. I would want to help them in any way I could. I would want to remain in their life if they would allow me to because all are very admirable traits.

3. Is the knowledge that people did the best they could or all they could do at the time (even if they walked away) healing in any way?
It is healing in the sense that it absolves all parties involved of blame. It allows everyone to be human and make mistakes. Even though I am not to the place yet, I think once the time comes it will be easier to choose to forgive. It helps me to realize that most of the people in my life had good intentions and were not hellbent on destroying me. Does knowing all this remove the pain? No. Do I have to grieve it? Yes. Have I grieved it yet? No.

I also learned that it is absolutely okay to take the risk to trust you because God will take care of me no matter what happens. You and I are both very human and will let each other down. And that is okay. I will be okay. You will be okay. If I have a situation that breaches a relationship with someone in my life, once I take responsibility for my own actions and attempt to rectify my side of the problem, it is no longer in my hands. The other person is responsible for their actions and makes their own choices accordingly. I must accept that and not take the blame myself.

Any thoughts?

I think those are very good, well thought out articulate answers.

However, if my T asked me why his opinion was so important to me and why i gave him so much power I would tell him its because I am putting my sanity in his hands. I am entrusting him with all the pieces of my puzzle, all the intimate details, the shattered remants of my life. All the guilt, the shame, the fear. Things i have never told a soul. It is his training and experience that I am counting on to put all this back together again. How can I not value his opinion or give him power? My mental health depends on him.

Yes Chopin...the question Kaliope brought up made me wonder too. Of course you'll put much power in T's hands. Why would he ask such a question? As far as "giving T the power" , he already has it by virtue of the fact that he is the T. Anyway, that's how I feel.
I think your answers are very deep and well thought out.

These are excellent questions/thoughts. My T wants me to put the pieces back together again myself with her guidance. She doesn't want me to give her any power, per se. In her words on the practice's website: "My counseling focuses on helping clients on their journey to positive permanent changes in their lives to promote health and healing. My desire is to help others realize their strengths and achieve their goals." The key words being help others. She is careful to keep the relationship "equal" and encourages me to discover my own answers with her prompting. She tells me I am in complete control and if there is anything I don't like about what she's doing, I can tell her to stop. She doesn't want me to make decisions/changes based on what she or anyone else thinks. She is very Rogerian/CBT oriented.

but still, her guidance and prompting is going to lead you down the right path, no? she is not going to let you spend valuable time meandering off in directions that are not congruent with your healing? that is why her imput is so valuable because you know it is going to steer you to a healing place. you care about her opinion, so you follow her direction because you know she is sincere in her desire to help you.

Yes. I agree with you completely. I might even be able to convince her of it with your argument. She's the one that is all about equality. I don't know if she's that way with all her clients or not, but she emphasizes it with me.

Thanks for your feedback!

1. Why do you care so much about what I think? Why are you giving me that power?
Because I respect you. You're one of very few who really listens, who really understands, who really cares. Of course I care what you think.

2. How would you feel if someone opened up to you the way you opened up to me?
I agree with Chopin here.

3. Is the knowledge that people did the best they could or all they could do at the time (even if they walked away) healing in any way?
It might help when I'm a bit more mature. And if I could believe they did do their best.

Thanks, CantExplain. Your answers are really good! Especially the first; you basically made my answer less wordy.