very basic but completly legitimate question

How do I answer "how are you?" If the answer isn't "good". I've always said good -sometimes if I'm feeling really adventurous I'll try "alright" but what if neither of them apply.

As you can tell I'm REALLY bad at talking about my feelings. Do you just say "bad"? It seems so final and weird

I always answer that question with "fine."
I think they should ask more specific questions if they want a different answer.

Most people really don't want to know. They are just being polite. So generally I just answer "fine" unless it is someone who I know really is looking for details because they are a close and supportive friend or family member.

On days when I think I'd choke trying to get out that obligatory, "Fine," I usually say, "Still here," or "Hanging in." More honest, & satisfies most folks.

Are you wanting to know when a friend asks or when your therapist asks the question?

When my therapist asks, I usually say, "Fine?", in the tone of a question in my weak effort to appear okay. She NEVER buys it. She then says, "Remember, you just came through that door, into my office. You're safe, and I want you to be honest with me. Now, tell me how you're really feeling." She knows I need that little bit of confirmation that it's okay that I'm not feeling great. After all, that's why I'm seeing her, right?

When my friends ask, it's the same sentiment. I'm pretty blessed with amazing friends and support, many who are old enough to be my parents, so I get lots of parental love and concern, often. When they ask how I'm doing, they genuinely want to know how I'm doing. They make sure to make eye contact with me, because they know how much I try to hide how I'm feeling and that I put up a wonderfully chipper mask to try and convince them I'm okay. Just like my therapist, they don't buy it either. I'm so grateful to have people in my life who are so sensitive and attuned to my needs. When I feel awful and depressed and I share that with them it's almost like they want to throw a party, because they are so happy I trust them enough to share my pain with them.

To specifically answer your question, my therapist says to take every opportunity to be honest about how you really are feeling when someone asks. She said you don't have to go in detail about anything, unless it's someone you trust and they genuinely want to know how you're feeling. She said I can say something like, "I'm struggling today." I'm trying to quit saying that I'm fine when I'm not, because I do believe you teach people how to treat you. I've learned if I continue to say that I'm fine when I'm truly not, I'm relaying the message that I'm always fine, but inside I'm torn up and I walk away without getting my needs met, whether it be a hug, an "I love you" or an "I'll be praying for you." I get lots of invites to spend the night at people's houses just so that know that I'm safe. Man, my chosen families are way better than my God-given family.

I realize that not everyone has the level of support that I have, but I totally understand how terribly difficult it can to tell someone how badly you're feeling, especially if you don't feel heard or if your trust has ever been violated. I wish for you that you will be able to honestly say how you're feeling and not feel ashamed or embarrassed to simply say, "I'm not okay."

My standard answer is fine to everyone but when I've said it to T on occasion she sees right through. Once she said 'Oh, it's that word again'

Maybe I'm trying to convince myself.

When I'm not doing well, I usually say "I'm hanging in there." which to me means that life sucks but I'm still alive.

When my T asks, I either say good or OK. Good means good. OK means bad. Or I might give a more descriptive answer like, "I've been really tired lately and it's getting to me," or something like that.

When my T asks me I always say "Okay". My tone of voice is a better indicator of my actual mood. One time after saying "okay" I then said "I don't know why I said that. I'm not that great actually". I have to be feeling pretty bad to say that.

I think the "how are you? I am fine, how are you?" thing is just surface pleasantries. I don't think they are actually asking how you REALLY are.. its just the start of the session and they want to start it with a greeting. And then later on they will ask the nitty gritty questions and you go into the session from there.

When Im feeling particularly snippy, when they ask me "how are you?" I said "I'm cured!" haha Always gets a laugh, that one.

We are so trained to answer that question from a social standpoint. Socially we don't burden others with our troubles, so "Good" or "Fine" are the responses we give. And it's okay to respond that way to T also. But then go on, to talk about how you have been feeling, because the "How are you?" is an opening to that, an opening to "How have you been feeling?" or "What's been going on?"... or any other kind of opening.
It's a place to begin

My T is currently and temporarily taking notes in my session for a class she is in. (She says she's learning how to 'hear me' better. ) So last session, as we were talking about the unusually cold weather that day, she was finding her notepad and pen. When she sat down with them, we had just finished the weather chat. So there she sat, prepared, pen poised casually and looked at me. I laughed and told her I expected her to say "GO!!".

When my T asks, and that is generally the first question he asks every session, I'm semi-straightforward with him. He knows that about me and has actually gotten quite adept at interpretting my vague answers to that question. (He fusses about how I do that though. He'd much rather I was completely direct rather than semi-direct.) I think I do that mainly because it takes me a bit to ease into the real issues on my mind. I get there in due time; it just like I need a warm-up first.

Hmm.. I don't recall my T ever asking that question. He normally asks what's new or how work is going or a specific question. Or he sits there and waits for me to talk, which I HATE.

Mine T always starts with the..."How are you feeling right now?"

I guess he is trying to guage where exactly I am at when I get there. I think I am fairly straight-forward I usually tell him I'm either...okay, I don't know, or anxious.

In general conversation, I usually say, "fine" or "all right".

My boss says "okay" when asked.

A coworker always says "fair".

With T, I tell her the truth.

I usually say fine or okay, or if it's really bad,"I'm here."

exactly. I'm always "fine" or "good". Even to T.