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  #1  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:29 PM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
i told my therapist how i feel about her (amidst tears and an anxiety attack ) it was so so hard. i never expected to go 'there' ... but 'there' i was...

she was so awesome about it. so supportive. so amazing.

she accepts me and how i feel - which is a great example to show me how to accept myself 'cause i'm having a hard time accepting how i feel. it's actually very overwhelming to have someone show such compassion toward me. i'm so not used to that, especially from myself. it's good to 'see' what that 'looks' like.

my goal this year was to go deeper. i think this is a good start.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

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  #2  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:36 PM
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pbutton pbutton is offline
Oh noes!
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
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Nice work!
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #3  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:48 PM
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Chopin99 Chopin99 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2009
Location: Southeastern US
Posts: 5,221
Yes, that was an excellent place to start going deeper in therapy. I'm so glad your therapist responded so well. Way to go!!
__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #4  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:50 PM
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granite1 granite1 is offline
running with scissors
 
Member Since: Aug 2009
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yay ,wow,amaing.that had to be so so scary but was it awsome to hear what she had to say?
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT

Dx, HUMAN
Rx, no medication for that
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #5  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:55 PM
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struggling2 struggling2 is offline
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Posts: 550
yay! good for you!
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #6  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 09:55 PM
Anonymous100153
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That's really wonderful! I think it was really brave of you to say it out loud, I really want to talk about this with my T too but I keep chickening out to say what I'm really feeling out loud, so this is inspiring. I'm really glad she responded so well, too, it sounds like you have a great T.
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #7  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 10:18 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1 View Post
yay ,wow,amaing.that had to be so so scary but was it awsome to hear what she had to say?
granite, it really was!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

  #8  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 10:39 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
I'm smiling, rainbow_rose!! I'm so happy for you. I know how hard it is to tell your T how you feel about her (it's still hard for me; even though I've been honest with my T about my feelings I still get embarrassed) but like you discovered, it is SO worth it!!
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #9  
Old Jan 11, 2012, 10:43 PM
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delicatefade26 delicatefade26 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: My Wonderland
Posts: 811
Woot woot!! great job!! Definitely tough but soo worth it!
__________________
"Wake me up...when September ends"
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #10  
Old Jan 12, 2012, 08:36 AM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
pbutton, granite, Chopin99, struggling2, amaj910, rainbow8, delicatefade26 - thank you so much!!!

the session really hit me last night ... finally feeling the emotional reaction to the session, which i understood. what I didn't understand was the fear that i felt. and i slept really really deeply.

wow... i'm exhausted. i guess the session took more out of me than i realized.

wish i could just sleep for hours.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Hugs from:
rainbow8
  #11  
Old Jan 12, 2012, 08:38 AM
wheeler wheeler is offline
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Posts: 544
Congrats! I know how hard that can be.
__________________
wheeler
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #12  
Old Jan 12, 2012, 11:37 PM
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Wren_ Wren_ is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: In a sheltered place
Posts: 27,669
(((rainbow rose))) wow that's wonderful you were able to share, and yes you really did begin the year well, i'm proud of you and so happy that she responded with such compassion and care
__________________

i finally told her



Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #13  
Old Jan 13, 2012, 12:31 PM
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mcl6136 mcl6136 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,082
i love this!!! Especially about the sleeping so soundly

wahoo!

did I mention wwahoo!
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #14  
Old Jan 13, 2012, 08:52 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by wheeler View Post
Congrats! I know how hard that can be.
thanks, wheeler!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigergirl View Post
(((rainbow rose))) wow that's wonderful you were able to share, and yes you really did begin the year well, i'm proud of you and so happy that she responded with such compassion and care
tigergirl, thank you SO much

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcl6136 View Post
i love this!!! Especially about the sleeping so soundly

wahoo!

did I mention wwahoo!
*grin* Thanks, mcl!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

  #15  
Old Jan 13, 2012, 11:07 PM
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delicatefade26 delicatefade26 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: My Wonderland
Posts: 811
Woot woot! I'm excited to hear what happen from this point in ya'lls relationship!
__________________
"Wake me up...when September ends"
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #16  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 12:51 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by delicatefade26 View Post
Woot woot! I'm excited to hear what happen from this point in ya'lls relationship!
thanks, delicatefade. i'm excited to find out too!

the reality of the session is really hitting me, tho. i can't let these feelings get in the way of the work. I won't let them.

stupid feelings. (i know i won't always feel this way... this is how I feel today )
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Hugs from:
Anonymous37798, delicatefade26, pbutton, rainbow8
  #17  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 01:01 PM
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pbutton pbutton is offline
Oh noes!
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: in a house
Posts: 4,485
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_rose View Post
(i know i won't always feel this way... this is how I feel today )
Thank you, I've been trying to tell myself the very same thing today & you stated it better than I'd been doing in my head.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time.
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #18  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 03:26 PM
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rockymtngal rockymtngal is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_rose View Post
the reality of the session is really hitting me, tho. i can't let these feelings get in the way of the work. I won't let them.
Your feelings of attraction would be getting in the way of the work? How would that be? They are out in the open now...

Last edited by rockymtngal; Jan 14, 2012 at 03:58 PM.
  #19  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 03:50 PM
yang0868 yang0868 is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 207
Rainbow Rose: I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you. I wish I was as brave as you to tell my T about my feelings for her. I've been trying to do this over the last two sessions and failed miserably. What you did is very inspiring to me. Great job!!!!
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #20  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 04:02 PM
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gma45 gma45 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: In & out of my mind!
Posts: 4,196
Great job! When I had a T years ago I held so much back. Now that I need one and can't afford one I think I would try to be more open. I see from you and this site what a great feeling it is to open up! Way to go!

Last edited by gma45; Jan 14, 2012 at 04:03 PM. Reason: spelling
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #21  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 04:50 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
thanks, pbutton, yang0868 & gma45

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_rose View Post
i can't let these feelings get in the way of the work. I won't let them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockymtngal View Post
Your feelings of attraction would be getting in the way of the work? How would that be? They are out in the open now...
the feelings don't just go away now that it's out there. i don't know how to explain it. i just know it is possible (for me) for that to happen.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

  #22  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 05:13 PM
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WePow WePow is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2006
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
Posts: 6,588
The pain tends to come from us containing what wants/needs to be expressed.
There are healthy and safe ways to express emotions. Giving them a voice is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #23  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 09:46 PM
rainbow_rose's Avatar
rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow View Post
The pain tends to come from us containing what wants/needs to be expressed.
There are healthy and safe ways to express emotions. Giving them a voice is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Thank you, WePow. I very much appreciate your words of validation and support.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Hugs from:
WePow
Thanks for this!
WePow
  #24  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 10:14 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: US
Posts: 13,284
I think I understand what you mean that the feelings don't go away just because they are out in the open. My T knows very well what my feelings are for her, but that doesn't help me to deal with them. It's almost like "so what, now that she knows". I'm still struggling with them just the same as ever. I still have to try to get needs met by others, in RL.

It's painful. Telling your T is step 1, and I agree that it's important. But then the real work starts, the "what am I going to do so I can feel this way about others who can return my feelings?" At the same time, it's okay to feel good about the relationship with your T. For me, it's finding that middle ground that's the problem.
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #25  
Old Jan 14, 2012, 10:56 PM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
But then the real work starts, the "what am I going to do so I can feel this way about others who can return my feelings?"
thank you rainbow, this is it exactly. i've told her ... now i want to leave it alone. or at least not talk about it with her for a while ... work on other stuff that needs to be worked on.

but i'm trying to at least feel the feelings... little bit at a time. i'm still in the 'stupid feelings ' phase.

my goal is to accept them and actually believe that these feeling are not inappropriate, as my therapist said. in some ways it feel pointless to have such feelings for someone who can't/doesn't/won't return them. i'd rather put my energy elsewhere.

blech. session aftermath. yech.

__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Hugs from:
pbutton, rainbow8, wintergirl
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