how well do you know your t?

bluemountains · Jan 21, 2012, 10:15 PM

Hello,
After posting on another thread, I am curious if I am the only one who really doesn't pay any attention to what my t looks like. I had to wait until my last session to look closely enough at my t to figure out if she looked like anyone famous. I realize now, sitting here, that I still can't picture her in my mind. I have been seeing this t for almost 6 months, so I wonder why this is.
My son sees a t in the same practice, and I can picture her just fine. Btw, my son's t looks like the actress Jada Pinkett-Smith.
I don't know why I block her looks/physical characteristics out. Usually I am very observant of people. Also, she really likes for me to focus on her when we are in session. I am sure there must be some explanation for this. I am not going to share this one with her, because I would want her to think that she isn't making any impression on me!

Bluemountains

Jan 21, 2012, 10:22 PM

i have been with my t for like 4 years...i know a lot about her but probably if i saw her while i was wandering in tar-jay i would drift right past her...she would be out of context...

the funny part is that she sees me everywhere..tells me she saw me driving, shopping etc...my van is very noticeable...

i do make an attempt to not go into the stores we both frequent on the times she would shop..because i feel she deserves a life ...i have all the time in the world to shop since i don't work...her time is limited. i figure it is the least i can do. she laughed & said that was nice but not needed...

still i told her if she wanted to say hi to me she could & that if i did see her i would say hi to her but like i said..i never seem to notice her...so i guess i am failing on my side of the deal.

Chopin99 · Jan 21, 2012, 10:29 PM

Every time I think of my T, I think of a couple of pictures of her I've seen on FB rather than what I see in session. When I'm in session, I keep trying to take a mental picture, but I don't seem to do a very good job of it!

Thing is, she's lost about 50 pounds and has lost her hair since those pictures. That makes her look quite a bit older. She wears a wig that is kind of like her old hairstyle, but not quite.

I can describe her...about 5'6", blond wig in chin-length bob, blue eyes, mid-50's, 140-150 lbs., large bone structure, cleft chin, pug nose, thin lips, high cheekbones...I just can't make that into a picture from memory!

Chopin99 · Jan 21, 2012, 10:31 PM

I also can't remember what her voice sounds like. When I think of things she has said, it is in my voice, not hers.

dizgirl2011 · Jan 21, 2012, 10:34 PM

Not that well unfortunately as she doesn't self disclose much at all. I am always surprised how even though she doesn't, that she still appears close and caring quite a lot.

velcro003 · Jan 21, 2012, 10:48 PM

in appearance wise, i would recognize her (and have) if i saw her out on the street, but i almost never make eye contact with her during session, and i've been seeing her for four years!

personally, i know little about her. she has four kids and has been with her partner for a long time. her sister used to live in my home town, but thats about it. i'm ok with that though, because if i knew her better i would worry. as it is, i already do that; am afraid that i am interrupting her life if i call over the weekend.

SoupDragon · Jan 22, 2012, 12:18 AM

I know bits about my T - but in all honesty I wish T wouldn't disclose things - it is like there is a part of my brain that stores all those little bits and is gradually completing a jigsaw puzzle.

When I sit in the room with T, T is like a presence rather than a person, I can describe (and have drawn) everything in that room, but when I come to drawing him, he always ends up as a squiggle.

lostmyway21 · Jan 22, 2012, 12:23 AM

Appearance wise I ca n't remember him too well...ofc I would recognize him like if I saw him in the store, but if I wanted to remember off them top of my head I usually go blank. He is like super tall though.

I know he has 2 cats, and likes the simpsons and snowboarding. I don't ask about his personal life, and I don't want to know about it. I would just be triggered all the time.

Oh yeahhh....I can give you a detailed description of all his sneakers he has worn. For some reason I always stare at them most of them session.

CantExplain · Jan 22, 2012, 01:43 AM

I see my T's hidden identity as a mystery to be solved.
I correctly deduced her house renovations even though these were out of sight.
She immediately guessed how I did it, though.

confuseduk · Jan 22, 2012, 03:32 AM

I don't know anything about my T, sometimes I wish she'd share something just so I knew she was real. I find it hard to open up to a total stranger. Appearance wise, I haven't got a clue, I could describe her floor perfectly though!

retro_chic · Jan 22, 2012, 03:44 AM

I was just about to make a post very similar to this! Whenever I'm in session, I try to make a real effort to study my T's appearance. But afterwards, I can't remember what she looks like! I would recognize her if I saw her but when I try to picture her in my mind, I draw a blank. Why is that? Is it some kind of disassociation or what? Good to see I am not the only one who experiences this though!

Jan 22, 2012, 06:40 AM

I am able to recall his appearance and voice and mannerisms quite readily.

I've seen him for quite a few years, so I know a great deal about him although I highly doubt what I know is anywhere near all there is to know. He has many family pictures around his office and talks about his family pretty regularly, often telling stories, past and present, of himself or family members to illustrate a point. He lets me know what is going on in his life and that of his kids (all adults now), shows me pictures of his new grandbabies, and talks about his vacations. He talks a lot about his hobbies and activities. Sounds like that is all we do, but really not; we've just been working together for a really long time.

WikidPissah · Jan 22, 2012, 07:18 AM

I'd probably not recognize him in public. I would recognize his shoes though...lol. I have never looked square at him so I really don't know what he looks like and I've been seeing him for over a year.

Personally though, I know a lot about him. He is very open, sometimes TOO open.

Jan 22, 2012, 08:28 AM

My visual memory is hopeless, particularly for faces- I find it very difficult to pick out even very close friends and family. For at least the first two years of therapy I barely looked at T and couldn't hold a 'picture' of her in mind. Now I think I've got one, but I'm still not sure I'd notice her out and about. One barrier is that she's about half my height, so if I were looking straight ahead I'd be gazing way over the top of her head

Other than her physical appearance, I feel I 'know' T quite well in terms of random bits and pieces about her day to day life, activities, family, preferences etc. because we have quite a close texting relationship with randomness built in. I feel I know her limitations a bit in terms of starting to recognise patterns in how she is different when she's tired, frustrated, overwhelmed etc. I can see when she's being stubborn, or can't take a step back. But of course, I only 'know' what she chooses to present to me (plus the bits that sometimes spill over from her everyday life), and I'm sure she's always mindful of the context of our relationship...

stopdog · Jan 22, 2012, 10:09 AM

I would not recognize the t out of context - it is easy in her office with only two of us and one is me s by process of elimination - the other must be her. I have dreams where I am in a therapist's office but neither of us realize until the end that we are interacting with the wrong person - they are unsettling dreams when they occur.

The therapist has insisted on occasion I do know things about her, but I really do not think I know much about her nor do I have any desire to do so.

franki_j · Jan 22, 2012, 10:21 AM

Appearance-wise, pretty well. Whenever I am talking, I do tend to stare at the floor a lot, but when she is talking a lot of times I look at her very closely. It is like I am trying to etch her face in my memory so that I have it stored in my brain for between sessions. Her face is actually very comforting to me, so whenever we are not talking about something hard or embarrassing I always look at her. One time I gave her an email to read, and as she was reading it, I had to try very hard not to stare at her face the whole time she was reading. I can even tell when she gets her hair cut.
As for her life, she is pretty much a blank slate, but since I am kind of a stalker (and not just with T, but I am pretty good at finding things out about other people), I have gained a lot of info off the Internet, which I know is not ideal but actually helps me relate to her a lot more. For example, I found out that she is not married and has no kids, which makes it easier for me to trust her and attach to her b/c I don't feel like she has other, more important, priorities. Silly maybe, but it works for me. As for her self-disclosing to me, I think pretty much the only thing she has told me about herself is that she wears earplugs. Random, I know, but she was trying to advise me on what brand to get b/c I have trouble sleeping.

unaluna · Jan 22, 2012, 10:39 AM

it's weird, in session, sitting down, T looks amazing - maybe he's doing upper body isometrics? Also he looks so INTERESTED. But the times I've run into him on the street - he's more like what he always claims he is, "just an average guy".

Jan 22, 2012, 10:59 AM

I have a really clear picture in my head of my T and what he looks like. I love his smile, I love the look on his face when he's thinking really hard. I also have a really clear picture in my head of his various shoes. He has a brown pair I hate, and for some reason it bugs me that he has so many different pairs and actually matches them to his pants. Since I routinely wear two pairs of boots - either brown or black - depending on my pants, it seems weird that my male T has more shoes than me AND a better sense of style.

And I know a fair amount about his personal life - we discussed early on my first experience in therapy and that a "blank slat" thing totally didn't work for me.

Kind of the opposite of what hankster was saying, my T just looks kind of "normal" when he's sitting there. The first time we hugged, I was shocked at how muscular he is. His chest and arms are totally hard with muscle - no fat. I had two quick reactions to that - one just totally physical and normal (I hope). The other was to think how glad I was that I had never discussed my body issues with him or how gross I am physically.

yang0868 · Jan 22, 2012, 12:13 PM

I remember very well how my T looks. Her big blue eyes are really appealing. Her smile is awesome. She has really nice teeth. I guess I look at her often (especially her smile) because I don't want to forget her. I don't stare at her often though. I think it's rude. I take quick glances at her and somehow it's enough to remember how and what she looks like. I remember how her shoes look too. Most of the time, she has white dog hair all over her. She's doesn't share much at all about herself unless it relates to me - at least that's what I've seen. She's told me nothing personal but I figured she has a white dog because of the dog hair all over her. So basically I know very little.

Chopin99 · Jan 22, 2012, 12:38 PM

As much as I cannot remember what T looks or sounds like, she has told me a lot about her life. I feel like I know her better than some of my coworkers that I've known for years!

Jan 22, 2012, 02:11 PM

It took me a while to be able to "hold" T in my head, but I definitely can picture him now, hear his voice in my head, etc. He tells me a lot about his life...but somehow, also DOESN'T tell me a lot.

CantExplain · Jan 22, 2012, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I have a really clear picture in my head of my T and what he looks like. I love his smile, I love the look on his face when he's thinking really hard. I also have a really clear picture in my head of his various shoes. He has a brown pair I hate, and for some reason it bugs me that he has so many different pairs and actually matches them to his pants. Since I routinely wear two pairs of boots - either brown or black - depending on my pants, it seems weird that my male T has more shoes than me AND a better sense of style.

And I know a fair amount about his personal life - we discussed early on my first experience in therapy and that a "blank slat" thing totally didn't work for me.

Kind of the opposite of what hankster was saying, my T just looks kind of "normal" when he's sitting there. The first time we hugged, I was shocked at how muscular he is. His chest and arms are totally hard with muscle - no fat. I had two quick reactions to that - one just totally physical and normal (I hope). The other was to think how glad I was that I had never discussed my body issues with him or how gross I am physically.

Cares about clothes and works out at the gym ...