[WikidPissah]

!!!!!Trigger for sui talk!!!!!

Can I VENT a little LOUD??? My F'ing medical team is batting a thousand this week. First off, on Tues I went to T. Sat in the waiting room looking at this beautiful woman. Long blonde hair, skinny, skirt, feminine....made me feel yucky about how un-girly I am. I figure she's there for one of the other T's. My T comes out...late as usual...and calls this chick in. It's my weekly standing apt. He doesn't even look at me. I sat there frozen...like wtf? I looked at my phone to make sure it was the right day/time. I sat for 10 min, she comes out, he calls me in. No explanation, and I said nothing, of course. really triggered. I stuttered and had a real difficult time talking. Felt really stupid when I left.

WED...I go to PDOC and he is running late, this large heavy smoker in the waiting room...she reeks of stale cigarettes and booze...big trigger. I get into his office to go over meds and he's like "no smile today? Come on be more positive" I was like F You, if I was positive I wouldn't be here. I hope he had to sit in a small closed in room with smelly lady after me.

Today (thurs) I go to primary care doc to get my kidney function test. I had a rough suicide attempt last month and they were worried I trashed my kidneys. The doc goes on an on about my psych meds. I tell him I have a T and a PDOC. He wants to know what my "trauma" is. What my mental health problems are and he is asking T type questions. NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!! Just do the dang test and leave me a lone. I left feeling stupid and looked down upon. He hates me now, I just know it. I hate the tone in his voice when he realizes I am one of "those" patients.

I am so pissed, I hate this crap. I don't want to see any professional ever again.

I feel ugly stupid and worthless.

[karebear1]

You sound fed up with everyone and everything and I don't blame you. It's times like these that I so badly want to walk right out of where I am never to be seen again.

It sounds like you were at least able to contain your words- I'm afraid I would've been so frustrated with it all that I might have actually said something- especially to my T.

Hang in there WP.

[Sannah]

[WikidPissah]

another thing that happened in T this week:

We were talking about the gym and my lack of motivation. I used to be so faithful until the mastectomy/reconstruction. I told him I was self conscious and afraid people at the gym would be able to tell. He responded "that makes sense, because us guys at the gym do look" GEEZ...that was NOT comforting at all. Made me want to disappear under my hoodie. Does he look at me when I come in? Can he tell?

[WePow]

I am so sorry he is not being as sensitive as he needs to be. Sending you tons of safe hugs!

[Chopin99]

Your T does seem insensitive. Is he the type that tells the truth even if it hurts? I'm sorry you are going through this.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Your T does seem insensitive. Is he the type that tells the truth even if it hurts? I'm sorry you are going through this.

He isn't insensitive per say...just sticks his foot in his mouth a lot. And I hang on every word. I am always trying to read between the lines. Sometimes he's really good, other times he says stupid things. Confusing.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

He isn't insensitive per say...just sticks his foot in his mouth a lot. And I hang on every word. I am always trying to read between the lines. Sometimes he's really good, other times he says stupid things. Confusing.

Mine does that too; her mouth opens and just about anything can come out. I read between the lines also and she told me to stop in no uncertain terms. It took me awhile, but I have. She wants me to think critically about what she says, but not read into or make assumptions about what she's saying. You are giving your T a lot of power by hanging onto every word. My T wants me to challenge her at times. It is rather refreshing. She wants me to be my own person, and dammit, that's who I'm gonna be.

[Perna]

Hope your Friday has been a bit better! I have "pizza night" on Fridays so mine is usually always good.

Maybe you can tell your T the whole story on Tuesday, at least clue him in on how his unthinking change in schedule was not so minor, even if only 10 minutes. I had a kidney function test recently at my doctor's office but it was "out sourced" with other tech testers coming in (once a month) to use my doctor's office but I didn't see him until my next regular appointment. So, I didn't have any discussions, just the test. Your doctor does seem to be putting the cart before the horse, looking for problems before one knows if there are any.

[beauflow]

HUGS

I am sorry to read such crappy days for you and things said that are hard to let go of

Is it possible to bring up to your Therapist about these things - Like that him being delayed on your appt is not right- they expect you to be in on time,
And the way that he talks, maybe that should be worked on- I know one time I was told by a Pdoc that with me per say, it does depend on how i am talked to--- and yeah I take things personally a lot sadly and it is true--

HUGS to you , hope you are feeling better or will be soon

[Sannah]

It is a much easier world when you take things that people say at face value, or at least check your assumptions. Trying to read between the lines just complicates things and how many times have you been correct with it? My batting average was zero. This is why I stopped. As I have said many times, if you don't directly tell me I won't know because the only things that exist for me are what a person tells me. If they didn't say it, it doesn't exist.

[Kacey2]

Ahhh Wikid..... That's terrible. I am sorry everyone is letting you down in a big way! And not at the best of timing either. I wish they would handle you a little more gently. That would throw me off with t as well. Also, I completely understand that you feel "crazy" with general practice Dr.s as well. Isn't there a saying, "Where did you get your liscense from, a cracker jack box?" How are you doing now? I worry about you.