[krisakira]

My T has done some EMDR with me, still in beginning stages... but we came up with one of the most troubling beliefs about myself, which is that I feel like I am never good enough. My T wants me to recall memories of my past, like the abuse and trauma, that is making me believe i am not good enough. Well, I have tons of memories of abuse but I am not sure which ones have left me feeling not good enough. I mean all of them do, but its more like, the trauma gives me more fear or anger than the feeling of not good enough. Like I know that the abuse was my parents fault not mine so I am more angry at them, and when I have the memories I can get very angry. But I just do not know which memories to bring up that are causing me to not feel good enough. I am having so much confusion. I don't know what specifically causes me to believe I'm not good enough, except for in general when my parents hurt me. Maybe that led me to feel like I don't deserve better? So that it makes me feel like I'm not a good enough person to deserve better? I don't know, I just am having trouble connecting the dots...

[growlycat]

My therapist has not done EMDR, not sure if it is in his training (he's an older dude, older than EMDR at least!) but I am interested in what it involves? I've read a little about the eye movements, tapping etc. My T says there is research that says it it great for trauma related anxiety.

From what little I know about EMDR, maybe your T is trying to focus on specific events to focus on in EMDR because "vague" scenarios are less effective than conjuring up specific memories or events from the past.

[rainbow8]

The more I do EMDR in therapy, the more I realize that it doesn't have to follow the protocol exactly. My T has me choose the event and the negative feeling about myself but then she ways wherever my mind goes is the way it's supposed to go. There's not right or wrong. You'll get to where you need to be. So, I'm more relaxed about EMDR now, and I feel better about it.

In other words, don't try to figure it out yet. That's what my T always tells me. Don't try to connect the dots. When you do more EMDR there will be plenty of time to figure it out. Just go where your mind takes you. I hope that helps you.