Determination

Oh & I wouldn't want my T lurking around here too! Buutttttt dumb me told him a long time ago about this site ! I don't think he lurks tho... He's like a the days done I'm gonna get the hell outta here type lol

You guys......................................I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I read the letter. I need to eat first then I will tell you all how it went.

I do not believe my T is a lurker. Inconceivable!

I agree with My kids are cool. It's awful that people tell you that, and it's not true AT ALL

I'm glad you read T your letter. Well done! Letters are so useful! I'm thinking a letter is the way forward with my pdoc in case I freeze up when I get there. I hope that you got a positive response yang.

*Willow*

good gravy, how long does it take you to eat?? We're dying of curiosity here!

Too funny! But also true...

A cancelled appointment can feel like someone cut off your air flow, I applaud your honesty. The letter is great. Let us know how it all pans out, honesty will always set you free.

A day late and a post short..... So......,,,,,

I thought you guys could wait to know how my session went. I guess I was wrong. I feel cared for. Thanks.

Ok here goes: Btw, I call T doctor so I will do that from now on.

OMG!!! I DID IT! I really did. I read the letter to doctor and she was so accepting and understanding. I was so nervous. I really started to freak out. I kept thinking that I would regret it so much if I didn't read her the letter. So with that mindset, I told her that I actually came prepared today. I had written a letter. Then I opend my bag and she looked at my bad. I said "Boy, you look at everything I do." Doctor said "Well, I can look over there if you want." She was pointing to the wall. I said "No. You tend to stare at me. You can stare at me. I just hope that you don't get blind by my ugliness." Doctor said "I don't think you're ugly at all. I wonder where that's coming from?" I didn't answer, I was too touched to hear her say that I'm not ugly. I quickly fumbled threw my bag for the letter.

In a way, it was kinda funny in how doctor kept interrupting me by asking questions. She's so funny. I kept having to tell her that the answers to her questions were in the letter because I know her well enough in terms of what kind of questions she'll ask me. Then she backed off and let me continue reading the letter. I found that really touching actually. I didn't make it far into the letter at all and my tears started to come. I apologized to doctor saying that it's hard enough just retelling the whole incident. She said it was understandable and ok. I pushed on to retell the whole incident in the letter because I know that doctor didn't understand it the first time around. Then doctor being so funny and cute again, made side comments as I went on reading the letter. She repeated things back to make sure that she understood what I was saying which I really liked. It made me feel heard. As I got to the second paragraph about me telling her why I miss her, I had to stop and take a moment to regain my composure. The pain was hurting too much. I was starting to feel very vulnerable revealing my feelings about her to her. It was so safe with her. She was so patient. As I got to the last paragraph, I looked up at doctor and saw tears in her eyes.

When I finished the letter doctor said that she understands that I felt betrayed which is so right on. She continue to say that being traumatized makes trust very important. She said that she wouldn't do anything to betray my trust and if she has done something wrong, then she would need to correct it. She wondered if someone made a mistake. She stated that she really didn't know what was going on with the schedule on Feb 8. She couldn't think of anything that she would need to be out of the office that day. She acknowledged that she would be out of the office on Feb 10th in the afternoon. It really got her thinking as well. She questioned why the clinic would call and say that to me. I told her I wasn't given an reason as to why it needed to be cancelled. I got this vibe that doctor didn't believe me so guess what I did? I said to doctor, "Well, I have the message. Let's listen to it." Doctor jumped at that and said "Ok." I had lots of messages saved on my phone. Luckily I saved the message or else I wouldn't have evidence to prove my case. I love the detective/lawyer in me. After doctor listened to it she said "It's interesting that your name wasn't mentioned and the provider wasn't mentioned." I said "and did you notice that they didn't leave a reason as to why the appointment was cancelled?" Doctor said "yes." I said "See! That's why I feel like I was left high and dry. I would just really appreciate an answer. I'm understandable. At least I think I am very understandable. Any reason would have been fine with me. I felt like I was being beat around the bush." Doctor really wanted to know what was going on as well so she looked through her planner and schedule on the computer repeatedly. She saw that she had two openings on Feb 8. I was thinking "WTF?" Then doctor said "Why would they tell you that my schedule is full?" I said "IDK." Then doctor said that she was going to find out what was going on. She grabbed the phone. I was touched at how determined she was to solve the mystery. I wanted to know what the truth was as well. She asked the front desk staff about what was going on and they told her that she had asked them to put a hold in her schedule on the 8th. She wassurprised to hear it. She couldn't remember at all why she had asked them to put a hold on her schedule and said that she will be in the office that day. She asked them to remove the hold. She hung up and told me that I should be able to schedule an appointment now and to go do it after I leave. I was so touched by the whole thing. You see why I like doctor so much now? She is so worth the fight! When I think of what I have with her and the chance I would have lost if I listened to people to look for someone new, I can't help but break down and cry. I'm so blessed. Doctor also said that she would never boot someone out of the schedule for someone else. She said that my appointment was my appointment. I smiled hearing her say that to me. I told her thank you and that I really needed to hear that. Doctor said she felt bad that this incident occured and that it would lead to me have these feelings of hurt. She apologized. I told her that I didn't want her to feel bad about the whole thing at all. She said that she doesn't want me to be concern about her feeling bad and that mistakes happens. I said I was happy with the answer she gave me today which was she couldn't recall why she had put a hold on her schedule. Then she said she's not sure what is going on that day for her so she will check her 2011 calendar and if she does need that day off then she will call me personally to let me know why she needs to be out of the office. I was so touched again. Then I talked to doctor about that I think I have changed over the past year where I'm acutally taking care of myself now. I didn't in the past. Doctor was really happy and had a big smile on her face. I told her I always tell patients it's important to take care of themeselves but yet I didn't do the same for me. I didn't want to be a hypocrite so that help me change my mindset on taking care of myself. Doctor was even smiling bigger. I also said "I'm just trying to be a good person." Doctor said "You don't have to try. You are a good person." Gosh, I was filled with such good feelings right at that moment. Then doctor said "I think I remember what that hold in my schedule is about but it can wait. I'll reschedule it." I said "wait, I don't want you to do that for me. If you need to be somewhere then go." Doctor said "No. It can wait. I'll just change it." OMG! I honestly felt special not that I long for it. I just want acceptance. Her actions just really touched me again. I said "Why do you have to be so nice to me?" She didn't answer that question. She just smiled. Hm......... I didn't want to take up anymore of her time so I mentioned that time was up. She told me to go and schedule an appointment for next Wednesday. It was 3 min until closing time. I asked doctor "Do you think I could still do it because isn't the front desk closed now?" Doctor said "They will still be there, just schedule." I said "ok" and we said our usual goodbyes.

I went to schedule and I have an appointment now for next Wednesday. Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!! I will sleep well tonight. For those of you who haven't told your T how you feel about them whether good or bad, I encouraged you to do it. It has been the best thing I've done yet in therapy.

I'm totally bragging now.......I have one of the best Ts. I'm blessed. I truly am. Thank you all for your support. I couldn't have done it without you all and my awesome pocket riders.

so happy for you

That's great Yang! I'm really pleased you did so well.

You are now eligible for Granite's Wednesday Club.

Aw.....thanks. I feel honored to be apart of the club.

Way to go, yang!! Wow, it feels to me like you climbed a huge mountain, and reached the top!

Thanks for feeling angry for me. I wish I could say I don't have people in my life now who say these things to me but unfortunately I do. I just take one day at a time. I take care of them but yet I'm worthless and not good enough? Thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me.

YAY! I'm so happy for you. Your therapist is wonderful -- I can see how you'd feel very attached to her

Great job! I am so glad your T was so supportive and nice over the issue.

Great work Yang!! I hope you talk to T about these people who are not nice to you.

OMG! Just the thought of telling T their names freaks me out. I can't find it in my heart to say it to T. I don't want to get people in trouble. I'm afraid they will come afer me.

Who said that you had to give names?

Just to back up Sannah... it's awful that people are saying this to you and you really do need to talk about it. Your T should protect your confidentiality, so even if your relationship to these people makes it obvious who they are even without names, your T can't do anything about. You could even quiz her about what she would do if you told her about something that could get you in trouble if it got out.

No one deserves that kind of verbal abuse. What you do deserve is the comfort in the safety of the therapeutic setup, in which you can talk about it and deal with it.