[Screenager]

Does anyone have any experience with writing T a note or a letter about things that are hard to talk about?

There are many things I'd like to tell my T but I'm uncomfortable saying in person.
She already told me that I could e-mail her if that's easier, but I think that would be weird as well (I know, it's basically the same as a letter, but I just can't explain it).
So I figured I could just write the things down, then hand the note to her during or at the end of the session and then maybe have her address it next time. (I of course haven't asked her about this yet, but I will next time and I don't see why she'd be against it.)

So, does anybody else do that? Is it actually easier than talking about the hard stuff? (I know that once she knows about these things we'll talk about them anyway, but I just have so much trouble opening up about certain "embarrassing" things in the first place.)

[franki_j]

I just did this for the first time with my T in my last session. There was something I was so embarrassed to tell her so I wrote it down and gave it to her like 10 minutes in. It was horrible sitting there and waiting for her to stop reading it, even though it didn't take that long. But I am glad I did it, b/c I would not have been able to talk about it.
I would suggest giving it to her at the beginning of session, that way you can talk about it the rest of session. I know it may sound easier giving it to her at the end, so that way you can just run away and don't have to be present while she reads it, but I think that ultimately giving it to her at the beginning is better so you have time to talk about it b/c what might happen is you might give it to her at the end of session and leave and then next session not talk about it because something else has come up or whatever.
So yeah, I just wrote out the situation that I didn't want to talk about out loud and told her I wrote something that had happened and then I gave it to her. I know that I would not have been able to say it out loud, I would have frozen up, so it worked for me. Although it was painful waiting for her to stop reading it.

[lostmyway21]

I do this all the time. Especially about trauma and abuse. Once it is out in the open we can adress it. I find it to be much easier, but at the same time I struggle to be verbal any way. Good luck!

[stopdog]

I have written therapists. For me it is not easier or harder than talking to write it down and send it off. The advantage to me is it clarifies and hones down to the thing I want to say. Sometimes it may be useful for the t to see the thinking process work out on paper, but usually it is to separate the wheat from the chaff and sometimes to get the info away from me - as in I can sleep once I have written it down, edited it, and sent it off.

[pbutton]

T told me last time that I could write down the hard stuff and give it to him to read after I left. I'm still considering it...

[mcl6136]

I have never done this. but there are several issues that I still want to surface in my therapy. I don't know if I will be doing this with this therapist or not but when I finally float them, I think this would be a very legitimate way to go.

[Screenager]

Thanks for your replies.
I just sent her an e-mail - that alone took a lot of courage! - asking if giving her a note would be okay. I'm a little weirded out because I've never e-mailed her before and I don't know what to expect, but I'm quite optimistic.

[Towanda]

First of all Screenager - love the cat! He/she is gorgeous! What a face!
I frequently write stuff down for my T, but then usually end up reading it to him. Funny, I know that sounds the same as saying it out loud, but it's a little easier for me that way. I get my thoughts in order on paper first so I don't forget anything. And somehow reading something makes the hard stuff easier to verbalize. I also frequently get my feelings out in emails, which he always answers, then brings up in our next session.
Congratulations on the email to your T, and good luck!

I wrote down in an email all the embarrassing stuff I couldn't say to T in session this week. Otherwise I don't think I could have told her at all - and I'd have been stressing about it all week until my next session. Like stopdog said, I want this information away from me - written, edited, sent, gone - so I can relax and sleep!

I hope it works out for you, good luck

[shoez]

Hey um...could u update us on what ur T did. I need to talk to my t and she asked me to write and I wanted to try what u did. Thanks for posting this. If u want maybe u can update if not thts ok too

[Nightlight]

I do this most weeks. Write down what I'm feeling and really struggling with. I was so terrified the first time I took writing in. It's still hard to let T read what I write but if I didn't write it down I'd never manage to communicate nearly as much to her.

When I first started therapy, I wrote my therapist a letter each week ... It was just too difficult and overwhelming to bring up certain topics live and in person ... It was almost as if I was to shattered to speak ... So, I'd write that letter each week and promptly mail it ... The next week we'd open that letter, read it together and discuss whatever I'd written ... Over time, the talking was easier and I no longer found I needed that to open doors that seemed to be permanently locked ...

Good Luck & Best Wishes ...

Sincerely,
BC

[struggling2]

i do this almost every week now. its the only way I accomplish anything in a session. otherwise i will sit there and make small talk or jokes for 45minutes. its really helped. i hope at some point i dont have to do that anymore and can just talk but for now it works wonders. i highly recommend it

Originally Posted by Screenager

Does anyone have any experience with writing T a note or a letter about things that are hard to talk about?

There are many things I'd like to tell my T but I'm uncomfortable saying in person.
She already told me that I could e-mail her if that's easier, but I think that would be weird as well (I know, it's basically the same as a letter, but I just can't explain it).
So I figured I could just write the things down, then hand the note to her during or at the end of the session and then maybe have her address it next time. (I of course haven't asked her about this yet, but I will next time and I don't see why she'd be against it.)

So, does anybody else do that? Is it actually easier than talking about the hard stuff? (I know that once she knows about these things we'll talk about them anyway, but I just have so much trouble opening up about certain "embarrassing" things in the first place.)

YES! I write all the time. The hard stuff for sure. I have written about the most embarrassing things a person could share. At least in my opinion. Geez! there were times I wanted to crawl under a table when she read them. It was really, really hard to admit some things, but I never regretted anything I told her. It helped me so much more than I thought it would.

Go for it! I think you will find alot of relief and release if you tell her everything. We can't go to therapy and share some things, but hide the really hard stuff. It won't work. It will only hinder the process. I have been in therapy for almost 2 years and I am still writing every week. Normally emails, but I do bring in typed journal notes as well. It works for me. If she wouldn't allow it, I would have quit therapy a long time ago.

[sjkero]

i have been sending emails to my t for months now!! it was really hard at first, but i was spinning my wheels in therapy, and one day i just bit the bullet and wrote a long, raw email that exposed so much. she immediately wrote back telling me how appreciative she was that i wrote to her, and how proud she was of me for opening up like that. ever since then, she has always encouraged it. just two weeks ago, i wrote her the most embarrassing email EVER, and even mentioned at the end of the email that i might cancel the next session out of fear of seeing her face to face. her response was so supportive that i did come in. she told me that she thinks it might be a good idea for me to write for awhile (nothing permanent) only because she notices how different i am in session versus how i am in email (very open). she thinks it's good for me, and told me she will never dissect my email on the spot in the next session to make me feel uncomfortable. baby steps. best decision i ever made was to take the email route. hope it has the same impact on you too

Me too. What everyone else is saying. I wrote my most horrible thing down ahead of time and handed it to him. He read it and asked if I was able to talk about it. I couldn't talk AT ALL at that point and just shook my head NO. He talked for a while and then slowly got me to talk. I still cannot discuss specific incidences of what I wrote down, but T says we will get there. Good luck with this. Let us know what your T says in response to the email.

[rainbow8]

For years I used to write things down and bring them in to therapy to read. I sometimes brought in my journals too. Now that we have email, I use it all the time to tell my T things I can't yet say. I've become more open in my sessions and end up saying what I've written, but it's easier when I've emailed first so she knows what I want to say. I write more coherently than I speak so it's clearer and I don't stumble over my words. But, my T does not want me to read to her, and doesn't like when I do it! She believes in the here and now: how am I feeling at the moment in the session, not when I was emailing her. Still, emailing her a few times/week and not worrying about getting a response (because she doesn't answer my emails) gets it out and makes me feel better!

[with or without you]

I do it all the time, she doesn't mind. She says getting things out in any way is good, even if some things can't be spoken.

[likewater]

I wrote my T a letter and handed it to her at the end of my session. She read it , and then we talked about it the next week. It worked
stupendously. She was happy because she felt i trusted her more and i was happy because i no longer felt misunderstood or misdiagnosed. :-)

[growlycat]

There is an upside and downside to writing...... upside is getting it on paper when the urge strikes--it never seems to align with the therapy time slot, right??

Downside--you miss the in-the-moment reaction from T, maybe real human emotion, empathy a swelling of caring. Some t's are so poker faced that they could be feeling all this but they are too hard to "read".

in DBT we have diary cards where we HAVE to write down stuff about every day during the week. we write urges feelings and actions. then prompting advents which are like thoughts and things that happened.

I find it really helpful. even before DBT I'd take my journals in.

sometimes T makes me read it out and others she reads and then we discuss it.

soooo much easier that bringing things up verbally and also cuz my memory is so bad I don't forget things I wanted to talk about.

[Screenager]

Thanks again for your replies.

Arrrgh - I just checked my e-mails, saw that she replied and now I'm too scared to read it!
WTF?
From the size it appears to be a long mail too (and I just wrote three lines or so)... asdfghjkl

I know that there's no way she'll be mad or anything... so why can't I just open it?? Stupid irrationality!

Anyway, IF I get the courage to read the mail I'll let you know what it says.

[shoez]

Originally Posted by Screenager

Thanks again for your replies.

Arrrgh - I just checked my e-mails, saw that she replied and now I'm too scared to read it!
WTF?
From the size it appears to be a long mail too (and I just wrote three lines or so)... asdfghjkl

I know that there's no way she'll be mad or anything... so why can't I just open it?? Stupid irrationality!

Anyway, IF I get the courage to read the mail I'll let you know what it says.

u sound like me. heh.

[healed84]

I kind of feel different about writing things done.. My writings tend to be more personal, revealing, emotional than I would ever let myself be while talking to anybody. So, I would have a hard time letting T see anything I have written. I know that is the whole part, to get everything out.. but man, I would feel soooo exposed if he ever read anything I wrote!

[sjkero]

Originally Posted by Screenager

Thanks again for your replies.

Arrrgh - I just checked my e-mails, saw that she replied and now I'm too scared to read it!
WTF?
From the size it appears to be a long mail too (and I just wrote three lines or so)... asdfghjkl

I know that there's no way she'll be mad or anything... so why can't I just open it?? Stupid irrationality!

Anyway, IF I get the courage to read the mail I'll let you know what it says.

i know how you feel!!! even after months of writing, i still get a queasy feeling when i see her response pop up in my inbox. i'm sure it's a wonderful, caring response. keep us posted!