I know my T has said quite a few things that has hurt my feelings & made me shutdown in our sessions together. Yesterday I told her by asking me what I wanted her to do about it after revealing to her that I felt like dying, that she makes it hard for me to be honest about how I feel & I didn't like that she said that. She asked well what can I do about it...can I change how you feel? I replied no & nothing. Then she said ok then...isn't that what I said in our last session. So of course that response made me feel even worse.

Am I overreacting & being irrational of how T responds to what I say? Was insensitive to say that or am I wrong for feeling how I feel?

Anyways...what has your T said to you that just didn't sit right with you?

This t hasnt but my old t did frequently.

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

This t hasnt but my old t did frequently.

What did that T say if you don't mind me asking?

[lostmyway21]

Yes. The first day we talked about the abuse he said something about me being willing. That sent me for a complete panic attack, because that's what my abuser used to say. He apologized to me, and said he didn't mean to say that, he was just trying to help me get it out. The way it happened I understand now what he was doing.

No, not in six and a half years. not that i can remember, but i have spent a lot of time in therapy dissociating so he could have and it's gone.

I saw a woman T very briefly. My husband came in for a session with me because he was really worried. I was suicidally depressed at the time and had been trying to tell her how bad things were for me, but unfortunately, I tend to joke around when I'm really stressed out - made comments like how I thought I was depressed for a while, but really my husband just needed to do every single thing differently. Anywaaaaaay, my husband and I discussed this and he thought it would be helpful if he went in with me. He told her how I had said to him that I could not stand the thought of living through the entire day, so I broke it up into segments and made an agreement with my myself that I would not kill myself during each segment. Like when I got up, I would think, "Okay, I won't kill myself until I get the kids to school." Once the kids were up and at school, it was getting myself to work. Once I was at work, it was lunch, etc.

When my husband told this T what I had said about how my days went, she turned to me and actually raised her voice and got angry, "Did you think about that was going to make him feel before you said that?" I told her that was how I felt and I was just trying to get someone to understand how bad things were for me. She just repeated the question. "You didn't answer me! Before you said that, did you stop and think about how that was going to make him feel?" Yes, Hag from hell, I did. I deliberately wanted to get him to understand how horrible I feel and that I feel like killing myself all the f'ing time and his behavior just makes it worse for me. I didn't go back to that therapist again ever.

My current T hurt my feelings once. I told him the next time and he agreed he was insensitive and said he wouldn't tease me about that subject again. Totally different experience, though, because I knew when he said it he was just teasing. Although I thought he should have known that it was a sensitive topic and not teased.

I don't think I've ever had a therapist offend me, but I teach teenagers for a living so I have really thick skin.

[GoodPoint]

I had a T tell me I must not have really wanted to die right after I attempted suicide because I "didn't pick a deadly enough method." I heard that as, "Dumbass. You can't even kill yourself the right way. You should have done it THIS WAY." Not to mention it completely invalidated how horrible and hopeless I was feeling. That was a big one, but I am also extremely sensitive and get offended easily by little comments any T makes here and there.

What your T said to you would have bothered me too. The way you described it it just sounds like it came across really harshly. I probably would have cried.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I saw a woman T very briefly. My husband came in for a session with me because he was really worried. I was suicidally depressed at the time and had been trying to tell her how bad things were for me, but unfortunately, I tend to joke around when I'm really stressed out - made comments like how I thought I was depressed for a while, but really my husband just needed to do every single thing differently. Anywaaaaaay, my husband and I discussed this and he thought it would be helpful if he went in with me. He told her how I had said to him that I could not stand the thought of living through the entire day, so I broke it up into segments and made an agreement with my myself that I would not kill myself during each segment. Like when I got up, I would think, "Okay, I won't kill myself until I get the kids to school." Once the kids were up and at school, it was getting myself to work. Once I was at work, it was lunch, etc.

When my husband told this T what I had said about how my days went, she turned to me and actually raised her voice and got angry, "Did you think about that was going to make him feel before you said that?" I told her that was how I felt and I was just trying to get someone to understand how bad things were for me. She just repeated the question. "You didn't answer me! Before you said that, did you stop and think about how that was going to make him feel?" Yes, Hag from hell, I did. I deliberately wanted to get him to understand how horrible I feel and that I feel like killing myself all the f'ing time and his behavior just makes it worse for me. I didn't go back to that therapist again ever.

My current T hurt my feelings once. I told him the next time and he agreed he was insensitive and said he wouldn't tease me about that subject again. Totally different experience, though, because I knew when he said it he was just teasing. Although I thought he should have known that it was a sensitive topic and not teased.

I honestly believe that people don't get that we have to do whatever it takes to survive. I think doing what you did was a great survival technique. Sometimes it's not about how other people feel...it's about what's going to help you stay alive.

Luckily your current T realizes his insensitivity, but mines just keeps saying she's being honest. Idk if she gets the concept of its not what you say...it's how you say it.

Originally Posted by SoFragile88

I know my T has said quite a few things that has hurt my feelings & made me shutdown in our sessions together. Yesterday I told her by asking me what I wanted her to do about it after revealing to her that I felt like dying, that she makes it hard for me to be honest about how I feel & I didn't like that she said that. She asked well what can I do about it...can I change how you feel? I replied no & nothing. Then she said ok then...isn't that what I said in our last session. So of course that response made me feel even worse.

Am I overreacting & being irrational of how T responds to what I say? Was insensitive to say that or am I wrong for feeling how I feel?

Anyways...what has your T said to you that just didn't sit right with you?

When I told my T. that I felt like everyone would be better off without me... He didn't say well what can I do about it... he got out a piece of paper and we went through the list of who and why they would be better off.. and he helped me see that it would not be the case... so yes there are things she could do... she could help you understand why you feel that way? She could help you learn other ways to express the pain.. Maybe she was wanting you to ask for what you need from her...whatever that is..

[precious things]

yes, today in fact. I think it spells the end for our working together as a result

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by precious things

yes, today in fact. I think it spells the end for our working together as a result

What happened? I hope you are okay?

[mcl6136]

I have the hide of a rhino in real life....but my skin thins to nothing in there...I take it all so personally in therapy!

Hurk!

[precious things]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

What happened? I hope you are okay?

thank you- I am so upset right now. I don't want to completely hijack this thread. I think I will have to make a seperate post on this. I am just so confused and really, really angry right now

[notz]

Pdoc sometimes gets "rough" with me when she's trying to break through my denial. Sometimes it hurts, but I do know she's trying to help. It's not happened often in 13 years, but it does hurt. I am a very sensitive person which means I'm very in tune with feelings.

Usually I bring it up in the next session, we talk about it and move on.

Some of the things mentioned here would not work for me. I hope you get what you need.

[likelife]

I don't think my T has ever said anything that has hurt my feelings. But I do know that I pick apart every single thing she says to try to understand the "true" meaning of it. I wish I could stop. It's a little crazy making.

[healed84]

Nope he has never said anything that offended me.. I choose to take offense to a joke he made once, about a legitiment concern, but decided to let it go. He has actually showed me (w/o telling me) that joking around about such difficult topics is helpful for me. It may not be right all the time for every person, but it has been good to have some light hearted moments in the midsts of heavy topics.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by precious things

thank you- I am so upset right now. I don't want to completely hijack this thread. I think I will have to make a seperate post on this. I am just so confused and really, really angry right now

not to go totally didactic on you.. but for me, anyhow, anger is a kind of map. Can you see where you are in this territory? Is there any clarity or blind rage (which I SO UNDERSTAND!).

I hope you can feel better as the moments go by. I'll be thinking of you

[Chopin99]

Yes. She forgot a trigger of mine once and used it to try to get me to talk. Needless to say, I didn't talk.

The dreaded "empty chair".

[pbutton]

No, he hasn't. I did purposely choose to be offended once, but I have to fully admit that I was looking for something to be angry about. That one came from me.

[3velniai]

Offended me? Never. Made me feel hurt and like she (T) doesn't understand a thing? Happens on a regular basis. But on the other hand, she says what she sees, what she thinks, and on about half of the cases she's right. I go to her to help me with stuff and not to nod her head and say what I want to hear. I've got other people doing that just fine. Sometimes the not so nice things, uncomfortable questions and the different opinion is exactly what I need to hear. Sometimes she probably should choose different wording, but then again, we're all just human.

You are not wrong for feeling what you feel. I mean, feelings are what they are, you can't just change up your mind and feel something else. She hurt you by saying what she said, and maybe it would be a good idea to talk to her about it again, or write it out and give it to her, or just to figure out on your own how you really wanted her to react. I think somewhere deep down you probably know it, if you really didn't know what you wanted from her when you revealed that, you wouldn't feel hurt. If you truly didn't know what you want/need from her, what she said or didn't say wouldn't have hurt you, any reaction would've been fine. And when (if) you figure out how can she help you, that can change a lot. If you decide tell her. Ts can't read our minds, unfortunately. It's totally not fair, but they really can't...

[Towanda]

He hasn't SAID anything that's hurt my feelings. However, he once looked at a picture I brought in of me when I was a lot younger and A LOT thinner and said "Is that you" which made me feel like "Yes you idiot I was pretty once". Other than that he's always been very kind and caring.