[stopdog]

I had a dream last night that is distressing me even though I know it is just a dream. I think I really need to get away from this t. The dream had me, my partner and another woman in a courthouse waiting for the therapist and when she arrived, my partner went out to the waiting area and the t was about to meet with the other woman (who I did not know but in the dream it was not that big of a deal to me) and me at the same time, but then people started coming in for the morning docket. The t, the other woman and my partner went out and to a cafe which was right across the hall from the courtroom. My partner turned into my mother(who has been dead for a number of years) and they were all having coffee. I joined them and the t said she would just charge for her time and would reschedule for next week. Then she took $20 from me and left. And I was sad and left with my mother who kept telling me I was doing therapy wrong.
It was the t I see, but in the dream, her face was never clear.

Is this attachment run amok? I cancelled for this week, but seriously may have to stop if this crap keeps up.

[unaluna]

what is "attachment run amok"? altho run amok IS one of my favorite expressions. Looks like your subconscious is keeping the cancelled appointment, even if your body isn't! So a childish part of you (why your mother shows up) knows that cancelling just puts off the inevitable work (dream takes place at your workplace, but you're stopping for coffee) that has yet to be done in therapy? No, I mean, the childish part cancels, but the adult part knows.

[Snuffleupagus]

Possible interpretation:

So maybe the other woman is the dissociated part of you that's okay with attachment, dare I even say, needs attachment (like every other human on the face of the earth). You can see the the possibility of "this woman" truly connecting with your therapist and delving into your primary relationships with your partner and mother. Then you (as you know you) show up, with all of your compunctions about the impossibility of attachment in the therapeutic relationship, and turn their genuine connection into a financial transaction.

I think the most potent part of the dream is that this made you feel sad--that just maybe the part of you that repels attachment is beginning to feel that as a loss rather than just a needed protection. That your T's face was blurry might point in this direction as well--that you're beginning to doubt your perceptions about who she is and what this relationship is. Perhaps the comforting clarity of your therapist as someone you can discount as "simply another member of the rabble one endures and then dismisses" is breaking down.

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I had a dream last night that is distressing me even though I know it is just a dream. I think I really need to get away from this t. The dream had me, my partner and another woman in a courthouse waiting for the therapist and when she arrived, my partner went out to the waiting area and the t was about to meet with the other woman (who I did not know but in the dream it was not that big of a deal to me) and me at the same time, but then people started coming in for the morning docket. The t, the other woman and my partner went out and to a cafe which was right across the hall from the courtroom. My partner turned into my mother(who has been dead for a number of years) and they were all having coffee. I joined them and the t said she would just charge for her time and would reschedule for next week. Then she took $20 from me and left. And I was sad and left with my mother who kept telling me I was doing therapy wrong.
It was the t I see, but in the dream, her face was never clear.

Is this attachment run amok? I cancelled for this week, but seriously may have to stop if this crap keeps up.

Hey stopdog,

What strikes me about your dream is that it seems like other people keep interfering with your ability to see your T, but she just charges you anyway and walks away. Whenever I have dreams like this, it means that there's a lot of other stuff getting in the way of my ability to connect with my T, for whatever reason.

First there's the other woman, who is supposed to go along with you. Does it ever feel like there are two patients in the room, or that T is talking to someone who isn't really you, or somehow dividing her attention between you and a "you" that the perceives incorrectly and is irrelevant?

I once had a series of dreams where just huge crowds of people would be interfering with my ability to speak to T. For me this often means something important is being drowned out by other things -- my being too busy, T focusing on other stuff, T seeming evasive, and so on. That's what I think of when you have all those people arriving to the courtroom.

Finally, your T having coffee with your partner-turned-mom and the other woman... it's like she's focusing on these other people and not you, and you have to show up and join on your own. And then she charges you -- so it's like a session for a whole bunch of people who aren't you. Do you feel like your T is more occupied with people in your life, like your mom, than she is with you?

And your mom saying you're doing therapy wrong... is this something she would have said? Is it something you believe? Do you feel like therapy is moving out of your control, and that's your fault?

Lots of interesting stuff here... I'm afraid I haven't followed your threads too too closely, so I'm sure some of my questions are really naive. But I think this is really good stuff to talk about in therapy. Sometimes telling my T about the dreams I have about him say more to him than the words I use to describe my conscious thoughts.

[stopdog]

In the dream, a large part of what bothered me was that her office was the courtroom and when we got kicked out, she charged me for her time even though the interrupted appointment was not due to me.
What bothers me now is that I don't want her any where near my dreams.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

In the dream, a large part of what bothered me was that her office was the courtroom and when we got kicked out, she charged me for her time even though the interrupted appointment was not due to me.
What bothers me now is that I don't want her any where near my dreams.

What I hear in your first statement above, is that you got blamed, or had to take responsibility, for something that was not your doing. I.e., you had to pay the price.

The thing I hated the most that one of my T's wrote about me, was that my condition would just get worse. You went to therapy this time because things got bad, ie you were paying the price? for your success?

[stopdog]

I don't think the details of the dream matter(I wrote them down here in the hopes it would help me quit thinking about them), and while I do appreciate the attempts to interpret it, the interpretations do not feel on the mark. The big deal is I do not like dreaming about that therapist and I get unsettled when I dream about my mother too. Having them in the same dream is like overkill. I have had dreams where therapy was the action going on, but they were always the same and they never had a specific therapist in them - in fact the similarity was that in the old dreams, the t and I would realize at the end that we had never met - we just did not realize it until the end of the appointment (and then I would wake up) - in this dream it was the one I see - no face, but still...). It makes me think I must have too much attachment to her if I am able to have her specifically show in a dream. Not good at all.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

Possible interpretation:

So maybe the other woman is the dissociated part of you that's okay with attachment, dare I even say, needs attachment (like every other human on the face of the earth). You can see the the possibility of "this woman" truly connecting with your therapist and delving into your primary relationships with your partner and mother. Then you (as you know you) show up, with all of your compunctions about the impossibility of attachment in the therapeutic relationship, and turn their genuine connection into a financial transaction.

I think the most potent part of the dream is that this made you feel sad--that just maybe the part of you that repels attachment is beginning to feel that as a loss rather than just a needed protection. That your T's face was blurry might point in this direction as well--that you're beginning to doubt your perceptions about who she is and what this relationship is. Perhaps the comforting clarity of your therapist as someone you can discount as "simply another member of the rabble one endures and then dismisses" is breaking down.

Thanks. The part about the face is because I really cannot recall what she looks like after I leave her office. Thank goodness I cannot clearly recall what she looks like in dreams either, that would totally wig me out.

[Snuffleupagus]

It was just a thought. You're obviously the top authority on your dreams, but I had fun with it.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

It was just a thought. You're obviously the top authority on your dreams, but I had fun with it.

HAving fun is good.

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think the details of the dream matter(I wrote them down here in the hopes it would help me quit thinking about them), and while I do appreciate the attempts to interpret it, the interpretations do not feel on the mark. The big deal is I do not like dreaming about that therapist and I get unsettled when I dream about my mother too. Having them in the same dream is like overkill. I have had dreams where therapy was the action going on, but they were always the same and they never had a specific therapist in them - in fact the similarity was that in the old dreams, the t and I would realize at the end that we had never met - we just did not realize it until the end of the appointment (and then I would wake up) - in this dream it was the one I see - no face, but still...). It makes me think I must have too much attachment to her if I am able to have her specifically show in a dream. Not good at all.

Sorry to miss the boat, stopdog. I know the feeling of wanting to scrub T from my mind once I leave his office.

The first dream I ever had of him, he was in my parents' house and I was desperately trying to convince him to leave. Even within the dream I kept saying, GET OUT.

[stopdog]

I do appreciate everyone's various takes on the dream.

[Sannah]

Stopdog you are so afraid to do therapy. Our dreams/subconscious is where we unravel everything. It seems that you want to get better without doing what you need to do.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I had a dream last night that is distressing me even though I know it is just a dream. I think I really need to get away from this t....
Is this attachment run amok? I cancelled for this week, but seriously may have to stop if this crap keeps up.

I am sorry to hear your dream is distressing you, even though,consciously, you know it is just a dream. Stopdog, I get this. When I am distressed or feel TOO close to someone or a particular situation, I feel I need to get away from it. I want to RUN away. FAR AWAY. I don't want to be vulnerable. When I allow myself to be too vulnerable, I get hurt. It's happened many times, as a child and as a grown up, in therapy and out.

I don't think this is "attachment run amok", quite the opposite....I believe your attachment to your T is working the way it is designed work in therapy and it is new, exciting, and scary.

I hope you reconsider and reschedule your appointment.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Stopdog you are so afraid to do therapy. Our dreams/subconscious is where we unravel everything. It seems that you want to get better without doing what you need to do.

I don't agree that I don't want to do what I need to. I do not know what I need to do and without further info - I do not agree attachment to a strange woman who is a therapist is what I need to do. Perhaps if I could figure out how attachment would help, then I would be more amenable to the idea.

[pbutton]

My T told me that therapy won't work if I am not attached to him. The main thing I need to work on is my attachment issue; namely the fact that I feel I don't need or want interaction with anyone. Apparently all humans are social and need interaction even if we don't feel like we do. For some reason I purposely block this need.

I'm not sure if I agree with this but I've been mulling it over lately. I don't feel like I am blocking anything, I just don't want it. But maybe that's what I need help with the most. I go back and forth on this.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by pbutton

My T told me that therapy won't work if I am not attached to him. The main thing I need to work on is my attachment issue; namely the fact that I feel I don't need or want interaction with anyone. Apparently all humans are social and need interaction even if we don't feel like we do. For some reason I purposely block this need.

I'm not sure if I agree with this but I've been mulling it over lately. I don't feel like I am blocking anything, I just don't want it. But maybe that's what I need help with the most. I go back and forth on this.

I go back and forth on this too. My main thing is that I do not want to become attached UNEQUALLY!

I have a friend who told me that it doesn't matter why I like someone...or even IF i like them...as long as they like me the EXACT same amount!

I was really shocked, but it is true, and that's what's hard about therapy for me..opening up to someone who doesn't reciprocate is a big issue for me! Of course...that's old pain that I need to investigate.

I'm doing it bit by bit...haltingly, slowly....sheesh!

What about that...stopdog? Does that ring any bells for you? You don't seem to want attachment and are really troubled with the notion of the T "invading" your dreams, and you like to cancel..but some other part of you KNOWS this is leading somewhere?

I may be totally off base...and if so, I will merely go back to my day job, which I'm supposed to be working on right this very moment....

Gotta go!

[pbutton]

While you were in the dream, were you troubled by T's presence? Or did it bother you only after you woke up?

What's the worst thing that would happen to you if you became attached to T?

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Ithat's what's hard about therapy for me..opening up to someone who doesn't reciprocate is a big issue for me!

In my mind I think I've opened up. But then T tells me that I don't trust him. I feel like I tell him all sorts of uncomfortable things. I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what. I plan on talking more about this next time.

I must not have a reciprocity issue since T pointed out that maybe someday I will even ask him a question about himself. I'm pretty sure they don't purposely say that unless they've noted that the patient has asked absolutely nothing about the T. I don't recall ever wanting to ask something and holding it back.... so ... I don't know where to go with that one.

[stopdog]

I don't think reciprocity is the main sticking point for me- it is odd and all but not a huge deal. My problem is not that therapy is not friendship, I am probably not all that attached to my closest friends and I have had the same basic group for over 25 years. I like them and all, and would do anything I could for them, but I don't discuss feelings or stuff like that with them. I don't mind interaction with others. I don't think I really need others but sometimes I like to have others around and ask them to help out and such. I will reflect on all you all's ideas and come back.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I do not agree attachment to a strange woman who is a therapist is what I need to do. Perhaps if I could figure out how attachment would help, then I would be more amenable to the idea.

Is your therapist a strange woman?
Or do you just mean a stranger?

Either way, have you told her she's strange?

Stopdog, I'm beginning to come around to your way of thinking! What IS the point in getting attached to a 'strange woman'? I had a dream about my T, too. Maybe I let her get too close. Maybe it's foolish for me to feel so close to someone in this context...

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Is your therapist a strange woman?
Or do you just mean a stranger?

Either way, have you told her she's strange?

Yes. I have used both strange and stranger. I usually mean it in the sense of a stranger, But I do consider anyone who wants to be a therapist strange.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

Stopdog, I'm beginning to come around to your way of thinking! What IS the point in getting attached to a 'strange woman'? I had a dream about my T, too. Maybe I let her get too close. Maybe it's foolish to feel close to someone in this context...

Thanks.
I would not say it is foolish if it is working for someone or if someone liked it. Some do seem to find a point in it and I would not try to talk them out of it.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Thanks.
I would not say it is foolish if it is working for someone or if someone liked it. Some do seem to find a point in it and I would not try to talk them out of it.

I agree. I edited my post to clarify I meant in my case, and that I see where you're coming from. Maybe attachment isn't bad for everyone, and I'm sure it's therepeutic for some, but I'm not sure how useful it's going to be for me, it just feels crazymaking.