[Joanna_says]

Last session T has told me he is 36. It was a bit of a shock to me as I had guessed him to be about 42/43. As I am 34 he is more or less my age and I notice that this feels really strange to me.
My old T was 47 which seemed great to me. I really had that feeling that she had that kind of special wisdom that comes with getting older and having more life experience.

How old are your T's and does it make a difference to you if they are older or younger than you?

[doogie]

I'm 37 - T is 46. Works great for us. Would be difficult for me to have a younger than me therapist.

mine is 8 months older than me. my family doc is 10 yrs younger than me & my pdoc is the same age as me +/1 a few months.

i don't worry about the life experience so much...everyone has so many different ones...i am single, have very intense work ones, do dog rescue , severe abuse history. the only things my t has in common with me are that we grew up in about the same area (nyc/long island), she has a dog,)..but we mesh quite nicely.

Originally Posted by Joanna_says

Last session T has told me he is 36. It was a bit of a shock to me as I had guessed him to be about 42/43. As I am 34 he is more or less my age and I notice that this feels really strange to me.
My old T was 47 which seemed great to me. I really had that feeling that she had that kind of special wisdom that comes with getting older and having more life experience.

How old are your T's and does it make a difference to you if they are older or younger than you?

I would not want to see someone a lot younger than me probably because I would think they could not relate. I see a male T. as well who is within a year or two of my age and the age hasn't been a problem. I think a good T is a good T no matter what the age.

Maybe you are having problems with your T. being a male?

[Joanna_says]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I would not want to see someone a lot younger than me probably because I would think they could not relate. I see a male T. as well who is within a year or two of my age and the age hasn't been a problem. I think a good T is a good T no matter what the age.

Maybe you are having problems with your T. being a male?

At the very beginning it bothered me somewhat that T is a male. It just took some getting used to.
But thinking he was about 42 felt like a good age difference to me. Maybe because most of my friends are also older than me and I am more used to that?
Knowing now he is about my age changed that feeling somehow even though I know it does not make him a different person.

My T and my pdoc are both right around 60ish, about a dozen years older than me. At this age, 10 years apart really is pretty insignificant. They feel about the same time in life as me, which is important at this point. We are all professionals, married, with several kids. We "get" each other pretty well. I would not feel at all comfortable with a T much younger than me, particularly one who has not been through the stresses and joys of marriage and parenthood.

Now when I was in college, my T was old enough to be my father. I saw him more as an authority figure and nuturer, and that was exactly what I needed at the time.

I think what we need as far as age, status in life, etc. can change depending on where we are and what we need.

[pbutton]

My T is about 15 years older than me. When I found out I was seeing a male T I didn't want him to be younger than me. I don't really know why. I was afraid he'd be really hot and be hard to talk to him.

I do like knowing that my T has been doing this for 25 years. I figure he knows what he's doing and it would be pretty hard to shock him at this point.

[stopdog]

My list of base requirements are older than I am, a female, not all mushy, not imprisoned in the house of literal. AT my age it is somewhat harder to find someone significantly older than I am and there is the real possibility they could die from natural causes at any moment without huge surprise. (I would not rejoice, I just would not be surprised - no taken before their time/ in the prime of life sort of thing) (the same could be said of me to some extent).

[roads]

People have their notions about others, including Ts. If we think older people wiser we may want an older T, but maybe we think oldsters falsely get respect--then we look for those letters after their name.

Readytostop spoke my view: "I think a good T is a good T no matter what the age."

On the other hand, I'm nearly 66, so now I'm wanting someone whose retirement from the T-ing profession will well exceed my physical existence. I am so over auditioning new Ts...

[Mike_J]

My therapist is 7 years younger than I am, made a bit of differance at first when I thought she was much younger than she really is.

[likelife]

Mine is about 10 years older than i am. It feels like a good gap to me. I don't think that I'd mind a T closer in age to me, though. I feel like I work differently with T's who are significantly older than I am. Like I'm more deferential or something.

[vanessaG]

I'm 32. He's 65. A lot older but I like it that way. This may be wrong but someone my age would make me feel worse. It would just make me feel how much they have accomplished by my age and how I can't even keep it together! I def need OLDER!

[harvest moon]

I'm 29 and my T is 71! I know it may seem like a very big difference but we have connected really well and he understands everything I share with him. Don't know if it's right, but I would also feel weird if he was around my age or a bit older, knowing that experience plays a great role in therapy. I feel really secure with our age difference.

[Chopin99]

I'm 34; T is 55. Works out well.

[sweepy62]

my t is 35 i am 49 i feel awkward

[Towanda]

I'm 58 and female, T is 40 and male. Works for us, except when he occasionally pisses me off and I want to smack him on the back of his head like one of my kids

Me: 36 female
T: 56 female
For me, this is a great age difference and I want a female T - more comfortable opening up and hugs are important, so male/straight female could be uncomfortable. I'd have trouble w/ someone younger or close in age to me... Need someone that could theoretically be my mom's age to work out these issues, yet someone who is relaxed and young at heart. Also need someone who has lots of experience as I know that I can be a tough client sometimes...

[2or3things]

I don't know exactly how old my T is, but she's probably about 20-25 years older than me. (I know that I was 5 when she earned her PhD.)

The age thing was pretty important to me, as was the gender. (I've got major mommy issues to work out! )

It was also fairly important to me that she be a lesbian, as I am. I live in a city with plenty of straight, gay-affirming therapists, but I appreciate how being alike in that way cuts out a whole lot of explaining and/or wondering if my T knows where I'm coming from. Knowing that makes me think that I'd probably also have felt the same about considering a male T, and also someone who was younger than me.

Anyway, older/female/lesbian T works well for me.

[2or3things]

PS: I'm 38, and I'm guessing she's in the neighborhood of 60, give or take.

[lostmyway21]

I'm F 21 he's M 38.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm 46 and my T is his 60s. I don't think I've had a T that was my age or younger.

My Pdoc, on the other hand, is in her 20s and right out of college doing her residency. I find it hard to deal with sometimes because she is still gaining experience.

[sjkero]

my t is about 8 years older than me, i think. and i'm basing this on knowing when she graduated college, etc... how does everyone know their t's age? did you flat out ask them? i'd love to know, i'm so curious, but i don't want her to be like, uhhh what's it to you? haha. not to mention i wouldn't know how to weave it into a conversation... it seems like a random question...

[GoodPoint]

I'm 28/F and my T is 50/F. My last T was around the same age and also female. It works out well... except that I inevitably compare them to my mother...

Never had a male T, but mostly male psychiatrists. I don't think I could have a male T... would never feel comfortable talking about a lot of my issues. Also think I could never see someone younger than me, or even less than 10 or so years older. I'd feel too competitive with them in terms of where we are in our lives.

How do I know my T's age? She has told me vaguely "I'm almost twice your age" and her birthday/year is in her email address. I would have guessed she was considerably younger though...

I know my T's age because he's mentioned it a couple of times. I'm 44, he's 49. He can NEVER remember my age, just knows vaguely that we're about the same age. I always correct him to remind him he's WAY older. LOL.