I've hung out way too long.

Hello there,

Okay I read the tarot, which is a little odd but wth, right?

I asked the powers that be (or not to be) what was going on with my therapy, which feels like it's in a real state of suspended animation.

the card that came up was........



This is not as fun as it looks. I go, week in and week out. I ask my T for feedback, I get very little. I ramble a bit about life, and sometimes get agitated, mostly when I look at the clock and see that another one hundred fifty bones of my own money (no insurance until March) just went out the window.

Nothing is happening but I haven't gotten off the "limb" either.

I am not making progress -- but perhaps I am going through a lull or a slump. My slump, however, is expensive and aggravating.

Has anyone out there had to decide to end therapy ....when you were hanging around....doing very little? End because things have just ...petered out?

Just hanging around taking up space and spending money......Feedback needed and yes, I did bring it up....no real response. Just encouragement to return next week same time, same tree branch.

Has anyone out there been out there on that limb?

MCL

Can you think about, what T provides that would be missing if you didn't go?

It's so frustrating when they don't provide feedback and I really understand the money issue as well

TG,

I am kind of working on an analysis like that ...actually. I know, I know, head knowledge but there's something to be said for that. My feelings are so suspended right now, that it's all i got!
Anyway, the PULL to go to therapy seems like more than the PINCH Of the finances which keep me away.... I'm finding excuses to NOT GO that are more based on ennui and poverty rather than fear or resistance.

Sigh....

thank you for writing...hanging out is bad enough without having to do it in a void!

That's been me a lot lately as well; that finances seem to really get in the way of therapy. Then I go and end up thinking things like how much crying just cost me or getting lost in my thoughts; and it isn't helpful. Not sure what the solution is because like you I'm paying myself and it's way more than I can really afford so I really understand the excuses. I'm glad you are working on what you get from it; keep going with that

Voids aren't fun ever either; remember there are lots of people here for you

I can't see the card. I know a little tarot.

Well, I can see the card but I don't know anything about tarot. And I'm on a different limb. My t is very forthcoming with feedback and he discourages me from returning very often. I wish we could combine the forthcoming feedback and encouragement to return into one t.

All my experiences with therapy have been the same as you describe..lol. I haven't experienced anything else. Apparently you have to keep hanging around until something happens. That's what they tell me.

once upon a time I gave my T for Christmas a pack of coupons. One of them enabled her to open any subject she thought needed work, and I would not dodge but honestly face up to it.

The Tres Pass: allows entry into forbidden territory. 1 use; Non-renewable

Maybe you could give yr T the same opportunity.

It has been awhile since I've dabbled in Tarot, but isn't the hanged man about purposeful inaction, observation, new perspectives? I have read that it can mean you are stuck too. Not a time for action?

I haven't ended therapy (yet!) but I did take a break. It was so so so so so helpful (is that enough "so"s?). I got to save money, see what it felt like to not have therapy, be in my life, see where I could apply therapy lessons to my life and where I still needed help...and when I went back, I felt ready to move forward again.

I kind of wonder if *I* need to take a break right now.

When I took my break, I did it with the intention of going back eventually, but there was no time frame. I didn't know if it would be a week, or two, or a month, or a year, or what. I wanted to go back in a month, so I did.

Yes. It worked out well. We had reached the point where she could no longer help me. I had experienced the full range of her skills and I needed more. I didn't feel bad about it. It seemed logical to stop seeing a therapist who couldn't help me. Before I quit, though, I gave myself the gift of taking a break from therapy. I was exhausted with trying and needed to rest and think. After a few months, when I felt ready to work on my problems again, I resumed. I only went for about 3 more sessions before ending for good. It was just so much clearer to me that the therapist was unable to help.

Good luck, mcl.

hanged man....

I like sittingatwatersedge's idea about giving your T a choice of options to jumpstart the discussion. Sunrise's point about taking a break to gain perspective is good too!

Your therapy is about you. You should extricate yourself from any situation that isn't working for you, if it can't be changed. I would mention to your T that you're unhappy with your current progress. A good T will be open to constructive criticism about what's happening.

Think of your T as your employee. You're paying this person (through the nose, LOL) to help you. If you're not getting what you need, TO THE CURB!

I had to terminate my former T for reasons similar to yours. But first, I gave him a chance. I brought up my concerns and did it in a non-threatening way. I really wanted his suggestions for things we could do together to jumpstart the process, make it more engaging and interesting.

He went with me up to a certain point, but when I said I wanted to bring in my art materials and do some drawing in session, he wrinkled his nose and said he didn't like "weird little projects."

That was my cue to KICK HIM TO THE CURB! And I did!

You might just need a different therapist. Good luck! Searching for a new T can be punishing and discouraging...but it's better than setting your money on fire with someone who is wasting your time.

I was at the verge of ending therapy, feeling like I was stuck, nothing moving, nothing new from T, then decided to write a totally honest "let it all hang out" letter about our "therapeutic relationship" and all h*ll broke loose. I wont go into all the details except to say that some memories from my past surfaced that had never come up before. We've done some pretty intense work in the last six weeks, and I've now been able to move my focal point from therapy/T to my life/myself where it belongs. More progress has been made in the last six weeks since that letter than in the last six months.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes wanting to end therapy may be a subconscious desire to avoid something painful. I could be wrong though - I'm just saying that's how it was with me.

I realised that if I was sure that it was time to stop, then that is just what I would do - stop. I think tarot, clairvoyancy, tossing a coin are all great strategies to use when we are just not sure enough and want to delegate responsibility to luck or chance - I wonder what would make you more sure that you wanted to stop as a positive thing and not an escape strategy?

Interesting, because I feel like I have moved from THE RELATIONSHIP to covering things in my own life so much that now...it's just about my life...the day in and day out..... I come in, and talk about the progress I've made with this T and then leave, and make more progress. Which is fine, but it feels more like updating a friend than doing anything particularly therapeutic...or that anything very vital is happening within the fifty minutes.... That's why I feel like I'm hanging out or hanging around...or hanging out with my T.

Thanks for sharing about your "let it hang out" letter....

I don't know if this can change....

Are you going to ask your T about this? I'd be interested to know what they say...

Yeah, I think therapy should feel like something more than hanging with a friend. This person is supposed to have special skills, an extraordinary ability to work with you and help you discover and live the life you want. I don't know all the details, but I think this T is falling down on the job!

Ive been 3 years and often fell that same way keep hang on , one day youll open up and it all come rollin gout