Will I ever change?

I did something earlier today which in retrospect probably wasn't a great idea but I was checking a mostly no longer used email account to make sure there was nothing important there. Anyway, I saw the folder that had some old emails from my first T and got sidetracked reading a few of them. The one that really stood out was one she sent before she even knew me when we were setting up our first session. It's nearly nine years old now and was an email explaining what kind of work she did with clients. Describing how a big part of her work was helping clients uncover the lies they'd grown up with and learning the truth and walking in that. She also said how often people didn't change; that they stayed in the places they were at and held on to the lies tightly because it was familiar to them. All this time later and ... I don't know how to let go of the lies because they still feel so real to me; I don't want to not walk in the truth I want to walk in it and I'm not and don't know how to get there

Oh, tigergirl, I'm so sorry to hear about losing your T. What a painful reminder to come across.

It sounds like you know the lies as lies now, which is different from how it once was. I sometimes wonder too whether I will ever get out from under the beliefs and messages that have shaped me over time. But I have more hope now than I did in the past. It's a slow process.

Reading your signature made me wonder what would constitute "stepping forward" with your current T.

You seem like a wonderful person just the way you are. But I am sorry you feel you haven't changed the way you want. Does it help to think that truth might not really be all that clear? Nothing wrong with trying to get closer to it when you want though.

i'm wondering the same thing myself, tigergirl