Things you wish your T would NOT do:

It seems SO weird that some T's actually have their phones on ring or even vibrate while in a session (I'm assuming most you are talking about cell phones), even weirder that some have the nerve to answer ringing phones!! My T always has her's on silent, and never looks at it. There have been a few times when she forgot to turn it on silent and it has rung during a session... she always apologizes, turns it on silent, and definitely doesn't answer it! I can see there being some extenuating circumstances where a T will need to answer a phone-- but in those (rare) cases I'd hope he/she would let you know that might be happening beforehand and assure you it's for a very good reason.

I did see a T briefly in a hospital setting once who had a horrible habit of checking the time on her cell phone like every 5 minutes during sessions. It was so distracting. I never understood why she didn't have a clock in her office. I remember thinking it would be funny to buy her a clock on my last session and be like "for the love of god, put this up!"

Not in my case-it's his desk phone that lights up like a flashlight and it is behind him.

I wish my T wouldn't file her fingernails! She has gotten out her big nail file/buffer thingee several times while I am talking. I feel disrespected when she does that.

Interesting comment about the office setup. My old T made lots of notes about our sessions on her computer which was fine except her office was setup such that she had to turn away from me to type, so I spent a good deal of my sessions with her back turned to me. Surprisingly, this did not make me feel closer to her. I mentioned it to her in an email right before I decided to change therapists. She wrote back, "Steps are being taken to address this," but I know her office looks the same many months later because she keeps the blinds open, and I still go to that clinic.

And speaking of those infernal blinds, that was another bone of contention between us. When I first started seeing her, she had an office with no windows which was fine with me. Then she moved to an office with floor to ceiling windows looking out on the parking lot. I felt very exposed, and told her the first time we were in that office. She said she would close the blinds for me. A few months later she made a new rule that I had to close the blinds when I got there and open them back up when I left. Ok, whatever. But I had one really difficult session where I left literally in tears. I was halfway down the hallway, and she called me back to her office because I had forgotten to open the blinds back up. Seriously?

We may or may not have had some power struggle issues. You decide.

Okay. This would bother me a hundred times more than a phone ringing any day. Yuck!

Agreed, that's disgusting! (T filing nails in session) And I say that both as a licensed manicurist and a certified crazy person. I don't want her people dust floating over on me! O.M.G. That is TMDNA! farmergirl, I am agreeing with you all over the place tonite. I thought what you wrote to CCBG was sensitive and brilliant.

((((FourRedheads)))) sorry. tell her it's gross! or tell her to leave it to the professionals. Like the sign at my fave Mexican restaurant says, "we have a deal with the bank next door - we don't cash checks, and they don't make tacos!" That is a personal grooming thing, she should not be doing it in a session. I would be tempted to start flossing in retaliation.

LOL

Yeah.. the filing of nails take the cake in this post.. I can deal with opps, I forgot to turn my phone off.. or even answering once or twice of a course of sometime you are in thearpy with somebody. However, I find the whole grooming of the nails very disrespectful. That would for sure make me feel like I am not getting full attention. With a phone call, it can be quick and can move on.. the nails.. that is just weird. Sorry fourreadheads.. I hope you can say something to your t about it.

My T always apologises if the phone rings and she never answers it.

Usually she has it set up to go straight to the answering machine but sometimes she forgets.

Yuck! I'm sorry she was so insensitive.

I am glad you started this thread Velvet Cactus. Thank You! I would have a real hard time with my t answering his phone during a session. I also have a question that I am hoping people will give me some feed back on. My t has a tone on his computer that goes off everytime he gets a new email and it goes off numerous times per session. My mind immediately goes to...........oh there's another client emailing. It is very disruptive and I have asked him many times to turn it off and he still doesn't do it. Is this something I should be upset over?

Yes my T does that as well. She picks & chooses who she will answer for in our sessions. I could be talking about something really deep & if a specific person calls she will say excuse me. That's frustrating it makes me feel like whatever I'm talking about is not important. I fear telling her how I feel because I know whatever she says will only make me feel worse.

I also wish T would watch how she says things to me. A lot of times she says thing in a harsh way & that really upsets me. Sometimes you just have to watch how you say things to people.

One more thing that bothers me is her posture. This may be silly, but sometimes the way she sits makes me feel like she's uninterested about our session. She sits/lays on the couch like she's the client. She puts her feet up on the arm of her couch sometimes. Idk I just feel bothered by it. Can't complain though...I'm barely paying her anything so I don't dare.

". A few months later she made a new rule that I had to close the blinds when I got there and open them back up when I left. Ok, whatever. But I had one really difficult session where I left literally in tears. I was halfway down the hallway, and she called me back to her office because I had forgotten to open the blinds back up. Seriously? "
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Omg. Seriously?! I think that's way beyond a power struggle....IMO. That's just ridiculous...I can't believe a T would act that way!

Talk about attachment.

I wish he knew when to push and when NOT to. No one likes a nag but everyone could benefit from a coach--what a fine line!!!!!

One time my T actually brought a big bowl of popcorn...she literally sat & ate it through our session. She did ask me if it was ok & offered me some, but I didn't want to say that it was not ok. I just wish it wasn't popcorn...it made me feel like I was a movie she was watching & it just took the importance out of of our discussion. Does this make sense?

If my T eats or drinks coffee in session he usually brings something for me. I feel hurt when he only gets it for himself. I've even brought the coffee and bagels on occasion. I read way too much into the nourishing theme anyways!

My T often leaves his Iphone sitting next to him on the couch, sometimes face down, sometimes not. He usually has it on vibrate, which is very noisy to me. When it vibrates, he will often look to see who it is. I don't like that. Why can't he check his calls between clients instead of while clients are there? I turn my phone off before we start our session so it won't interrupt us. A few times I forgot to turn it off and it rang. I felt like that was very impolite of me and I always apologized and reached to turn it off immediately, and did not check who the call was from. Now that my T is in his "must be in contact with friends and family 24/7 with my nifty Iphone" phase, if my phone accidentally rings and I reach to turn it off, T pounces on his phone and uses my mistake as an excuse to now check his phone calls and email on his phone. Honestly! But I guess that will teach me, right?

The thing that really bugged me was his use of his laptop while we are in session. It's not so bad now that he has Internet access on his Iphone, but he used to leave his laptop open next to him on the couch. Sometimes he would glance down at it. I thought he was checking for new emails, but I don't know, because I can't see the screen. I have spoken to him about his laptop several times and asked him to not have it next to him. The first time I raised this, he gave the excuse that he needed his laptop to be charging so he can use it for scheduling clients, and the charger was plugged into the outlet near where we sit. I asked him why he can't move the charger to his desk and charge the laptop there? He didn't like this idea and told me that other clients are not bothered by his having his laptop next to him. (What am I to make of that comment? That I'm unreasonable compared to other clients?) He said it was helpful to have the laptop nearby so he could look up things in session related to the conversation with clients, if need be. I told him it was fine if he didn't look things up on his laptop for me during our sessions. I then suggested that I would be OK with the laptop remaining next to him if he just kept it closed. He said there really was no need for that since he isn't reading anything anyway since the screen is blank. I said yes, but I don't know what you're looking at when you glance at the screen. I don't know that it's blank. He said, well it is. I said well if it's blank, what's the difference if you have the laptop closed? So he agreed to close it. He forgot at first and I had to remind him at several sessions, but he got better at it.

There is this muffled bell that sounds every so often in his office. I always imagined it was some kind of ringer that sounded in his office when someone opened the door to his waiting room, so that he could know when the next client had arrived. This turned out to be wrong because one day, when the bell had wrung at least half a dozen times, I asked him what that noise was. He said it was the sound his computer makes when he gets a new email. Why would he need to know that a new email has arrived at the exact instant it enters his box? Truly, I do not understand this need! It's obnoxious. I told him I was feeling really distracted by the bell and asked if he could mute the sound on his laptop. Honestly! I feel like he is a little boy sometimes, always pressing the edges of what the parent insists is appropriate behavior. I don't like having to feel I am the "parent" in our relationship.

I can't believe he is so stupid about this stuff because he's really a very good T. Frankly, I think he is Internet and Iphone addicted, and this has worsened since I began seeing him. I have been quite patient with him and only mentioned a fraction of this stuff as it has occurred. I'm just tired of all his tech stuff intruding into our sessions.

My T is a bit too attached to the laptop too. Any excuse to look something up ("Uh, I'll be sure to look it up when I get home-HINT HINT) Geez, I KNOW how to google. He gets sucked in!!!

Yes, there are times I've said, "please don't look that up for me. I can look it up myself later." I have no proof of this, but I feel like when he does look something up, he remains on the laptop way too long after he has found whatever it is, and I suspect he is reading his emails under the guise of having just looked something up for me. Or maybe checking facebook or whatever he is into. Maybe just my paranoia, but he does dawdle... Before I became comfortable enough with him to address this laptop issue, I just suffered through all the times he used his laptop and wasted our session time. Then he went on a trip and came back with the tremendous news that he had dropped his laptop and totally broken it! It took him months before he got a new laptop. Those laptopless days were great!

Im sorry but I find this very very wrong on the part of ur T...on SO many levels..
Hes not showing any respect for you as his client. Ugh I dont know, reading about the laptop and how resistant he was to make you feel comforitable ...ugh it makes me mad...like..I just dont think its right! I cant believe some of the posts here about eating popcorn and phonecalls...

What the heck

U people deserve hugs. and better behaved T's

Thankfully my T hasnt done and i dont think will do anything like this...

Sunrise, that laptop thing is really intrusive especially after you've expressed your misgivings. Therapy went on just fine long before computers were everywhere; I'm pretty sure he could make it through your session without it.

FourRedheads, nail filing is unacceptable. Maybe you could bring some dental floss, and the next time she gets out the file, start flossing and just say, "You don't mind, do you?"

Hankster, thank you so much for the term "people dust."

My T at hospital- I didn't choose her- insisted we BOTH weight in every time I saw her- 3times a week. She came up with a dieting plan for me- must admit my BMI was around 25 at that moment and I was 15 years old. I didn't care, didn't have the strenght to concentrate on my weight and told her that. She thought I could use the time I had in hospital loosing some weight. She was extremely thin (BMI 17- natural for her) and I think she found me repulsive. Often mentioned I cover myself with layers of fat and need to be uncovered. I was heavily medicated and the only thing I could concentrate on was not to fall asleep. So I hated her silently but followed her sick diet plan till I was thinner than her.