I think I lost my psychiatrist.

My psychiatrist feels like he can't provide enough treatment I need. The reason she feels this way is because he sent me to a hospital for people who have suicidal thoughts, I was looking up ways to die.

He's the best doctor I've ever had but I ruined for myself by telling him I was having suicidal thoughts, if I just would kept quiet and keep these thoughts to myself I would still have her as my psychiatrist. Now I have to deal with what I've done I don't think I can forgive myself for causing this, I had everything going for me but stress got the best of me.

He doesn't know if he wants to continue with me or not, but I don't I want to continue working on my depression because I basically ruined my chances of getting better. If he decided not to work with me I'm done talking with anybody and I'll admit is going to really affect me in a very bad way.

I also predicted and told him he was going to find me annoying and have me stop seeing him he disagree but I was right. Is he giving up on me or am I too much to deal with?

I don't know what to do, waiting for answer is killing me inside. I really need advice…

I'm sorry you are in such a distressing situation. I know how difficult it can be to lose someone who was helping you and whom you care about- I have been in that situation.

I'm sorry that you are blaming yourself for telling him that you were feeling suicidal. It may feel like you did the wrong thing and should have kept quiet, but actually telling him was part of keeping yourself safe, and that is always the right thing to do, even if the consequences feel very distressing right now.

Perhaps it is best right now not to make any long-term decisions about whether you will be able to work with anyone else. It is understandable to be filled with a fear of loss right now, but it may be that in the fullness of time you feel able to find another professional who could help you. I couldn't imagine ever starting from scratch or having the strength or energy to try again when my old therapist left, and I felt deeply let down and abandoned by her decision to leave me. Three years on, I'm so glad she did. She wasn't the skilled helper that I needed, and my therapy with my current T has changed my life immeasurably. I'm just telling you this so that you know that feelings can change, and things can work out for the best. I hope that doesn't sound trite...

I am so sorry you feel abandoned. Sometimes a T can just not know what to do or what to say. But some Ts are better than others are different things. I know you don't want to talk with anyone else, and that is understandable. But can you let him know what you said in your post about how this is making you feel? And ask him point blank what is going on in his mind about this. You have a right to know.

I'm confused because you keep refering to your doctor as a HE and a SHE ... Do you have two different doctors? ... If not, why do you refer to them as a HE and a SHE? ... Thanks for clearing this up for me ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud