[Silent_tsol]

Last night and today I've just been feeling lost. Like I have so many things that I'll never be able to get through them all. I'm overwhelmed and just sad. Just want to hide under my bed

[Chopin99]

I understand how you feel. Sometimes I decide to hide, sometimes I decide to push myself to do things anyway. I am learning to listen to my mind, heart, and body as to what I need. If you need to hide for awhile, there's no shame in that. If your gut is telling you to push on, push. I hope you feel better soon!

[precious things]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I often ask in t if I am too damaged to be helped...sigh...

Days like these you have to be as gentle with yourself as you can.

[sconnie892]

Sorry you are having a rough time. I understand the feeling of having too much to work through. My next session Thursday too and it seems so far away.

I am supposed to be working from home, but instead I've been working on a note to read to t on Thursday. It's about feeling like I am skein of yarn where someone pulled the wrong thread to start the unraveling. That person got frustrated and just started pulling more and more threads and now I am just a big tangle of knots. I know in there somewhere there is one whole piece of continuous yarn. But there are so many tangles and knots to undo it seems impossible to return to any form of organized. And I am afraid if we pull at some of the knots they will just get tighter or snap the yarn. (I'm really visual with examples and this is helping me relay to t my feelings right now...because I am horrible explaining what I am feeling.)

[FourRedheads]

Yes. Awful feeling. How is your day going?

[SoupDragon]

((((silent tsol))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Silent tsol )))))))))))))

[lostmyway21]

I often wonder this but never had the gutts to ask T.

[taylor43]

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))

[Silent_tsol]

Day went slow. I made myself go out because I've been hibernating the last few days. I went for lunch with a friend then tagged along for her grocery shopping and even her movie date with her bf. Day is over now, at least tomorrow the nephew will be over and I work so there's something ...

Thanks everyone for thoughts and hugs

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

Day went slow. I made myself go out because I've been hibernating the last few days. I went for lunch with a friend then tagged along for her grocery shopping and even her movie date with her bf. Day is over now, at least tomorrow the nephew will be over and I work so there's something ...

Thanks everyone for thoughts and hugs

s

I feel that way a lot too, so I understand how u feel. I don't fit under my bed exactly so I prefer the closet. I always want to hide. Much safer and comfortable.

The most difficult part of all this that I've had to accept is that not all the parts of me that got damaged will be able to heal ... I treat those parts extra patient, gentle and kind while fixing the parts of me I can ...

It still isn't fair though ... and it's very, very sad to have to realize the truth in this ... ... Very Sad Indeed ...

[SoupDragon]

Hope your day has been better today - Soup

[mend]

Silent,you are not alone.

[Silent_tsol]

I've been thinking about my last session and she started talking about something that happened a year ago that I've yet to tell her anything more than essentially standing in a foray and saying "this is a house". She knows it happened but not what it was.

So she started talking about trust and security in an abstract way, not pressuring me to talk about anything (there's enough current stuff to keep us busy but the current stuff is also related to the other stuff, she just doesn't know how much) or saying that I need to trust anyone or anything just talking about them. But I completely froze and shut down. She noticed to and I know she's noticed I've done it before when the topic comes up. She asks "where I've gone" and I'm still there just not. I don't know where I've gone, I've just put up bigger walls and gates and I don't think I'm even allowed behind those walls. She made this the focus but I can't explain it. I can't just lock myself out on command and I don't know how/where I learned how to do it so I couldn't answer her questions when she asked.

I think that's (among the other current stuff) what has me feeling down, lost and lonely these days.

Thanks for letting me talk, for hugs and listening and letting me I'm not alone

I very well understand the feelings you describe

[precious things]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

So she started talking about trust and security in an abstract way, not pressuring me to talk about anything (there's enough current stuff to keep us busy but the current stuff is also related to the other stuff, she just doesn't know how much) or saying that I need to trust anyone or anything just talking about them. But I completely froze and shut down. She noticed to and I know she's noticed I've done it before when the topic comes up. She asks "where I've gone" and I'm still there just not. I don't know where I've gone, I've just put up bigger walls and gates and I don't think I'm even allowed behind those walls. She made this the focus but I can't explain it. I can't just lock myself out on command and I don't know how/where I learned how to do it so I couldn't answer her questions when she asked.

I really can relate to this experience in therapy. My dr, never pressures me either but I get that frozen feeling when he says similar things your t says to you. I shut down and the conversation does not progress, (like you there is enough issues in my day-to day life to fill the hour).

First, I think it is HUGE that you are able to acknowledge when this happens...believe it or not, this is chipping away at any wall that you have secured around yourself. For me, I think the fear is having someone outside of my head AWARE of the parts of me that are vulnerable. I don't know how to sit with it. So although it strikes something in me when those kinds of comments are made, I shut down- but I know it is resonating at some level. You know this too. I imagine the next step is for the both of us to take that plunge and let someone behind that wall

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by BrokenCloud

The most difficult part of all this that I've had to accept is that not all the parts of me that got damaged will be able to heal ... I treat those parts extra patient, gentle and kind while fixing the parts of me I can ...

It still isn't fair though ... and it's very, very sad to have to realize the truth in this ... ... Very Sad Indeed ...

That is very sad, and no, it's not fair.



Did your T tell you this?