Wasting our time?

T says that I'm not trying anything that she suggests. I don't mean to. Just, it's hard. And she asks me all the time 'Why do you come here?' I know she's not being mean...she genuinly wants to know why I'm going if I won't try anything she suggests.And she tells me that she doesn't want me wasting my time or my money if I don't plan on changing. I just don't think she understands sometimes. She is one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting her time. Maybe it's because she is someone who was in my life already. I don't know. I'm just really confused.

How long have you been in therapy and do you think you're getting anything out of it?

When you write she was in your life already, what do you mean exactly? It might be difficult to trust her as a therapist if you see her outside of therapy setting... Don't know...

You may be wasting your time and money, but as long as you are paying her - you are not wasting her time.

My t said that to me years ago and we are on seven years. I try to do what he suggest but sometimes I don't want to.

Hang in there you will come around to her way once you trust her.

Well, she had taught at my school while she was going to school to become a T. She became the one and only person I trusted enough to talk to about anything. And I was always really comfortable talking to her. We lost touch for a while, during which time she got her liscence and worked in a home for at risk teens as a T. Then, when I decided to give therapy a try, someone told me that she had opened her own office.I was really hesitant to try therapy again because I don't like the idea of talking to someone I don't know...at all. So, I thought maybe since I knew her and she knew so much about me and I couldn't pull any crap and I know she can see right through my lies and all, maybe that would be easier. And it is... So, I've been going to see her for about 6 or 7 months? I don't see her outside of therapy. I don't know how to explain that even though nothing has really changed and I haven't really made much progress, it still helps just to have someone that I can talk to if I need to, and I have a healthy way to vent. I don't really feel like I've made much progress (which I'll admit, I won't unless I'm willing to change some things), but I also feel like it was a big thing for me to decide to try therapy again and to do it on my own without my parents or anybody trying to make me do it.

And I've hit this mood where I feel...distressed. Maybe that's not the right word, but that's the only way I can describe it. I just feel like I can't. Can't what? I don't know. I just can't. And this mood is only making me feel worse about this. Like, I feel that I'm just wasting her time and there's no point in even putting forth the effort to go because I'm just a waste of time.

God, I need to sleep, but I don't see it in the forcast for tonight.