Okay, I have been thinking about this weird mental exercise my T suggested. We were discussing how I was never comforted as a child. I told him about waking up shrieking from a bad dream and my dad's solution when he came into the room was to swat me really hard so that I would be fully awake, and know it was just a dream.

So, T suggested that we picture me as a child in my room, sitting on my bed, and that he and I comfort that child. Ummmmmm. He said that he and I were a team and we could work on this together (I had previously said that I wasn't sure how self comforting worked, felt like I just didn't know what or how to do it). He wants he and I to go into the room and sit on the bed with that child in my head, and comfort the child, so the child experiences comfort and not pain or weird, creepy sexual stuff from adults. So, we tried a little, and he told me to picture the child and then he asked me for permission to just enter the room. I was like, "whatever." He actually wants permission to come in the room. So I said ok, but I'm not sure how feel about this exercise.

This just sounds so stupid to me. Am I just being too intellectual and too much of an attorney? Have any of you tried this kind of thing? Isn't it creepy? Does it help?

That would totally freak and creep me out too. I can see how it could be useful though. If you could get past the creepy factor.

[shoez]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Okay, I have been thinking about this weird mental exercise my T suggested. We were discussing how I was never comforted as a child. I told him about waking up shrieking from a bad dream and my dad's solution when he came into the room was to swat me really hard so that I would be fully awake, and know it was just a dream.

So, T suggested that we picture me as a child in my room, sitting on my bed, and that he and I comfort that child. Ummmmmm. He said that he and I were a team and we could work on this together (I had previously said that I wasn't sure how self comforting worked, felt like I just didn't know what or how to do it). He wants he and I to go into the room and sit on the bed with that child in my head, and comfort the child, so the child experiences comfort and not pain or weird, creepy sexual stuff from adults. So, we tried a little, and he told me to picture the child and then he asked me for permission to just enter the room. I was like, "whatever." He actually wants permission to come in the room. So I said ok, but I'm not sure how feel about this exercise.

This just sounds so stupid to me. Am I just being too intellectual and too much of an attorney? Have any of you tried this kind of thing? Isn't it creepy? Does it help?

Im one of those people that if T asks me to close my eyes and imagine stuff I start giggling like a 5th grader and I think its like the wierdest thing and I peek with one eye.....
but....I know this comes from a place of fear, fear that it will work....fear that maybe my childhood really sucked so bad that I have to fix it now...or fear that T will hurt me while i have my eyes closed. My thing is mostly just paralyzing fear that im gonna get hurt...that im being tricked...that this is a sick game....but Thats me . It comes out as humor but I feel scared inside...
Im not sure where you feel with this....indifference , but I think it wouldnt hurt to just try it, and see what it does. Even if it seems stupid, your thinking that its silly might be a barrier your putting up for some reason.
Let your T guide you, and see if it works. I agree it sounds kinda creepy...but hopefully maybe u trust your T? if not then this exercise might have to wait till u trust T more.

It seems like you do kind of want to know what this is and if it works, so give it a try, if you try it a couple times and it seems to be going nowhere , tell T and you guys might try something else ...

Hope this helped....I give stupid advice a lot but yeah...hope what I wrote made sense

[rainbow8]

Do you think the whole idea of comforting the child with your T is weird, or just that he wants to "come into your room"? My T and I do IFS--internal systems therapy and that deals with parts of the personality, often child parts. Many times she has had me close my eyes and visualize her and my adult Self holding the baby or child together. She's sometimes had me picture a few other nurturing people all in a circle "passing the baby" from one to another, holding and comforting it. The baby being me, of course.

At first I thought this was so silly and useless, but I tried it anyway, and it does help!! Sometimes we fight against tenchiques that seem ridiculous, but they end of helping. I would give it a try!

[pbutton]

I am going to abstain from responding. Mostly. I do have to blather on a little bit. I don't think my response would be helpful. I will say I am right there with you on the stupid/creepy thing. But this is one of my areas of weakness, so do NOT listen to me.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Do you think the whole idea of comforting the child with your T is weird, or just that he wants to "come into your room"? My T and I do IFS--internal systems therapy and that deals with parts of the personality, often child parts. Many times she has had me close my eyes and visualize her and my adult Self holding the baby or child together. She's sometimes had me picture a few other nurturing people all in a circle "passing the baby" from one to another, holding and comforting it. The baby being me, of course.

At first I thought this was so silly and useless, but I tried it anyway, and it does help!! Sometimes we fight against tenchiques that seem ridiculous, but they end of helping. I would give it a try!

ugh ugh ugh! He does have a book on his shelf labeled Internal Systems Therapy. There's this huge part of me just going ewwwwwww. Both to the stupid kid sitting there still ****ing thinking that anyone cares, and at the thought of T coming into the room and seeing how pathetic she is. EWWWWWW.

[stopdog]

I am way too much of an attorney on this sort of thing, but having said that - it could be worth a try if you can get past it. It is not so much creepy to me as it is just ridiculous. That does not mean it would not work, just my first second and third position on it if someone asked me to do would be for me to ask back "seriously? Have you gone mad?" Good luck with it.

[skysblue]

I'm not sure how I would respond to this suggestion. My T tells me I'm way too much in my head and so I have tried some things with her that my analytical mind rejects - for example - sand tray and working with figurines. And when I let my defenses down, they did provide some fascinating insights.

Imagining a childhood trauma, though, and substituting T in the scene would be tough for me. I'd have a hard time 'believing' it even if I trusted T totally.

I guess you have to ask yourself how much you truly trust T to engage in this exercise. Sometimes I've tried some stuff at T's suggestion but within minutes I see that it's not working for me and I say "I can't do this." and we stop.

So, maybe you could try (if it feels o.k) and if it isn't working, don't continue with it.

[PreacherHeckler]

This kind of exercise is also a very big part of schema therapy. I don't know if it would work for me but from what I've read about schema therapy it's actually quite effective. Here's a link for more information if you're interested.

http://www.schematherapy.com/id201.htm

[rainbow8]

If your T does IFS then you have nothing to worry about!!! IFS Ts are great!!!! I'm a little prejudiced, of course! You mean he's never discussed parts of the personality with you, and how the Self is supposed to lead all the parts in harmony? Maybe he's read the book, and just dabbles in it.

I'm telling you; it works. I love IFS and wish my T hadn't abandoned it for EMDR. It's not all about holding the parts, though. It's about accepting all parts of yourself without judging them. My T would ask "what does that part need from you?" and often it was the "holding". I wanted her to do it though, and that's why she started holding my hand, Then she gradually and gently led me to "holding my own hand". It's a gentle kind of therapy. You don't HAVE to do it and like it all at once, but it's very powerful. My former T told me that when I switched to my new T. I was surprised that she endorsed it; it was MY idea to find a different kind of therapy, not hers.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

If your T does IFS then you have nothing to worry about!!! IFS Ts are great!!!! I'm a little prejudiced, of course! You mean he's never discussed parts of the personality with you, and how the Self is supposed to lead all the parts in harmony? Maybe he's read the book, and just dabbles in it.

I'm telling you; it works. I love IFS and wish my T hadn't abandoned it for EMDR. It's not all about holding the parts, though. It's about accepting all parts of yourself without judging them. My T would ask "what does that part need from you?" and often it was the "holding". I wanted her to do it though, and that's why she started holding my hand, Then she gradually and gently led me to "holding my own hand". It's a gentle kind of therapy. You don't HAVE to do it and like it all at once, but it's very powerful. My former T told me that when I switched to my new T. I was surprised that she endorsed it; it was MY idea to find a different kind of therapy, not hers.

He's primarily a cognitive behaviorist, but I know that's not ALL he does. Early on in therapty, I mentioned that I was quite dissociative, and he's asked a couple of times about shutting down, but I think I resist discussing it enough that he's let it drop. He once said something about "getting rid" of the various separate parts, and although I didn't respond at that exact moment, I told him later about the wide scale panic inside my head. He apologized and indicated that wasn't exactly what he meant and he worried afterward about how he had phrased it, but I seemed so calm, he let it drop. He indicated that therapy for dissociation was really about accepting and not judging, and generally, there was some integration just as a result of that.

He did discuss the "self" and harmony and all of that near the beginning of therapy. I've had so much going on in my life since I started therapy: marital issues, my dad's heart attack, cancer diagnosis and death, my father in law's illness and death. It's been kind of non-stop crisis after crisis since my depression lifted. So, we were generally dealing with whatever crappy thing was happening in my life, and we never got back to discussing the "parts" issue.

Still not sure that I am comfortable with this idea. I looked at the website PreacherHeckler posted (thank you!) and the first five of the "domains" under rejection and disconnection apply. Apparently, the whole overvigilance and inhibition thing applies also. Double Just more stuff to think about, I guess.

[unaluna]

I'd make him hold a doll. That's what I make my T do If I could post a photo from my phone, i'd show ya. It's VERRRRRY comforting! The "picture" needs to get into your brain, right?

[WePow]

My T is also CBT. He also has done that same guided imagery with going into my bedroom as a child and offering protection to my younger alter who held some of those bad memories. It is so wonderful your T asked for permission to go into that space with you. It sounds like your T is very considerate. They go with us in the imagery because they want us to know we are not going back into the memory alone. We were alone (usually) when trauma happened. This allows us to have the memory brought forward but in a safer way with a protector beside us. And then we offer comfort to that part of us which holds the memory and is stuck in that room at night.

Remember your T is on your side. You are not alone in what you have to process through. Talk through all the emotions with your T. By being a male energy in the visual room with you, it may have triggered you too much and you may not have felt like you had the voice or authority to tell him "no" even when he asked permission. I mean, when a child has a father "ask" to come into the room, is there ever an option to say "no" if the father is a perp?

Go over everything and make notes about your response. Then bring it up with T. Every single feeling you have around this is valid. And your T wants to know about it.

[crazycanbegood]

I am with the skeptical bunch on this one. But I have always had problems playing make-believe and the like. I'm too self-conscious.

It could be useful to you though. I mean, I don't know. It's weird. Kind of ridiculous. Sorry.

[granite1]

i have a hard time with the imagery but i would give it a try and like wepow said tell your T all you experiances with it.i think it is worth a try

[beautiful.mess]

It DOES sound weird, and it will probably FEEL weird for a while too, but maybe because you're not used to it and don't see the benefit just yet and how it might help you?

It's worth a shot, imo.

[learning1]

I guess I'm the only one but it sounds like it would be helpful to me. It sounds like it would be helpful because you can hear how the t feels compared to how you've learned to feel (not that the kid is stupid for believing anyone cares). But you could stop and talk about it if it feels creepy.

Why not, no physical harm should come from it. You said yourself if anything it may touch on something or just feel "weird", what the hey huh..I think the netty pot is "weird" but people swear by it , let us know what happens.... I like the sound of self soothing

[rainbow8]

I'm surprised so many people think what T wants to do is creepy and weird! I never believed in that "comfort your inner child" stuff either, but with a gentle IFS T I changed completely. It feels so comforting to me to close my eyes, visualize the sad child, and then visualize me and my T holding her. It's like a "blanket of love" over me.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

So, T suggested that we picture me as a child in my room, sitting on my bed, and that he and I comfort that child.

Yes, I did something very similar in therapy and found it very helpful. This was when we were doing ego state therapy. But T wasn't part of the scene. He had me do it alone--I, the adult, comforted the child. I found it very useful. We did quite a bit of work with ego states (all younger versions of myself) early in therapy. T had more of a bystander role and gave me some direction. Also, he would stay involved for example by asking me what the girl said or felt when I picked her up, and I would relay that to him so he knew what was going on.

I really like how your T asked if it was OK if he came into the room.

[KazzaX]

I can understand why your T would suggest it, makes sense. But I find that sort of thing impossible to do because it's one of those "fantasy that does not translate into reality" type things. Or maybe my imagination just sucks, who knows lol

[peaches100]

I've done it and don't find it creepy at all! I can totally understand how when we have traumas, inside we still are a bit like a hurt child. Many of us didn't get comforted when we were distressed, so we don't know how to comfort ourselves now. (Meaning that we don't know how to bring about that physiological feeling of being soothed in our body.)

By imagining that our t is helping to comfort us, it gives us the opportunity to know what it feels like to have somebody bring relief to that hurting part of us. If we can let it in, we find out how it feels to be comforted. The intention is for us to learn eventually how to comfort ourselves when we are distressed by bringing up a mental picture of being comforted and the physiological feelings of relief that gives.

It's actually a process of helping us learn how to modulate our emotions and soothe ourselves. As a child, our parents are supposed to step in and soothe us when we're hurting. After experiencing this over and over again, the child learns to embed a mental image of the parent comforting them. Over time, when the child is upset or sad, they can draw on that mental image of mom comforting them and it soothes them. They therefore learn how to soothe themselves when they are upset withou mom having to be there to do if for them. They have learned how to integrate a mental image of being soothed, and this brings the physiological feeling of comfort.

Now as far as visualizing a traumatic event and imagining a different outcome, that didn't work for me. But imagining a traumatic incident and picturing t and I soothing that hurt part, yes, it has begun to help me actually feel inside my body what it feels like to be comforted when i am hurting. I did not know that feeling before.

[peaches100]

It's a bit like the "holding" a parent would do, but without the actual physical holding happening.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

There's this huge part of me just going ewwwwwww.

Both to the stupid kid sitting there still ****ing thinking that anyone cares, and

at the thought of T coming into the room and seeing how pathetic she is.

This would be really good to share with T.

Thanks for the input, both from those who have found this technique helpful and from those who empathize with how very weird it seems to me.

I think I will share with my T my initial reaction of ewwwwww, and we'll see how it goes from there. I have used imagery in a limited way to get rid of the worst of the suicidal thoughts, so it may be something that's helpful, but I don't know. I still am having a very strong reaction that NOBODY goes in the room with the kid.