[ImMentallyILL]

My negative thoughts told me to get rid of my psychiatrist who means everything to me and I did.

It would hurt me inside and feel like I was letting my psychiatrist down if I reported bad news, she is the sweetest most caring person I've ever met I just had to get rid of her because I don't want to get better and I wasn't doing it for myself.

I reached the point where I don't want to get treatment, the only reason I would want to get better is to prove to her I can do it and someday meet with her when I'm finally cured and she will be so proud of me.

Is it wrong if I use her for a reason to keep going in life?

Do any of you feel like you have to get better because you don't want to let your therapist down?

Should I tell my old psychiatrist about why I left and how I used her to keep going?

Should I tell my new psychiatrist these things because I'm pretty sure I don't want treatment? I know I'm making a mistake but I reached that point where I had enough ! I can't make pretend anymore I want to get worse !

I don't have it in me anymore I given up, she will be the only reason for me to keep going but doctors have already told me that's wrong.

Can any of you relate to my story, what should I do? Sorry for the negative thread …

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by ImMentallyILL

My negative thoughts told me to get rid of my psychiatrist who means everything to me and I did.

It would hurt me inside and feel like I was letting my psychiatrist down if I reported bad news, she is the sweetest most caring person I've ever met I just had to get rid of her because I don't want to get better and I wasn't doing it for myself.

I reached the point where I don't want to get treatment, the only reason I would want to get better is to prove to her I can do it and someday meet with her when I'm finally cured and she will be so proud of me.

Is it wrong if I use her for a reason to keep going in life?

Do any of you feel like you have to get better because you don't want to let your therapist down?

Should I tell my old psychiatrist about why I left and how I used her to keep going?

Should I tell my new psychiatrist these things because I'm pretty sure I don't want treatment? I know I'm making a mistake but I reached that point where I had enough ! I can't make pretend anymore I want to get worse !

I don't have it in me anymore I given up, she will be the only reason for me to keep going but doctors have already told me that's wrong.

Can any of you relate to my story, what should I do? Sorry for the negative thread …

Doctors always prefer you to get well for your own sake.
But I say, at this stage you need all the motivation you can get.

As you improve you'll start wanting things for yourself.
In the meantime, it doesn't matter what's keeping you alive as long as something does.

Now as I hear it, there is nothing wrong with your former psychiatrist except that you feel guilty for not getting better.

You ask for my advice, and here it is:
I advise you to back to your old psychiatrist and tell her what you've just told us.

I apologise if this comes across as a lecture.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

I grew up with a need to please. And in fact, when my current T wanted me to going into a group T setting in addition to seeing her, I really had to examine if I was going for her, or going for me. In the beginning I was going for her, to please her, to make her proud of me, but as the group went on, it turned into going for me. I think that you should talk to your psych about this, and if you can't speak up about it, then print this post and bring it. Perhaps as you move forward with your treatment, you can examine these things and perhaps it will help you.

[learning1]

I agree with what the other posters said. It's definitely okay to keep going for your psychiatrist. You sound like a very caring person and I imagine your psychiatrist will feel a lot better if you tell her about what you posted here, even if it's hard to tell her.

I think all of us at times try to find reasons to keep going. Sometimes with not wanting to let someone down that's about our anger. We want to protect the person we deem is the reason we carry on from our dark forces, but a T is able to seperate our stuff from their stuff and are never let down. They take what we say and do and exam it, think about it, its not personal to them even though we mistakenly believe it to be so. Its your choice what you do but therapy and pyschs are the ones we should be able to be negative with.

[SoupDragon]

Yes in my darkest moments it is the thought of letting my T down that keeps me going. I know at those times the destructive bit of me tries to push him away, so I agree with the aboue posts.

[growlycat]

I can relate. My T is ok with doing things for him short-term but he is always pushing me to do things for my sake.